lordpasternack wrote:What we won't do, however, is respond to individuals who have been put on a black list due to a long history of persistent, excessive, stalker-like contact, ranging from obsessive, daily harassment to out-and-out hate mail; and nor, of course, will we under any circumstances respond to attempted blackmail, whatever form that might take.
I just re-read this, and it really fucking hurt - more than the first reading. And even though I know that it is somewhat factually inaccurate, and that it doesn't sit with what my intentions were, and that Richard has apologized, and that I've in some way set the record straight - it still upsets me. I get so stupidly worked up about things. I can be such an idiot. I can't bear myself, sometimes.
Sorry…
LP
Let it go, please. Stop hashing and rehashing of things that were said, things that were not said, things that might of have been said, thing that you'd like to have been said, things that were said but misunderstood, things that you want to make a point to say to set your record straight in your mind and others but not sure if they will be said, things that you think must be said, then again, those things maybe don't have to be said.................etc.
You'll drive yourself crazy.
If anything, you need to give some time and space to start looking this whole thing with a new perspective. It will help.
I have a very best friend (the one I mentioned that ran that foundation, very smart, intellectual to the max) with whom I use to exchange very long emails and they were not personal, nor intimate discussions. However, I would get ticked off if I didn't get a response the next day! What had happened, I learned later on, that the exchange of emails, while not directly speaking intimately, made me very turned on and I couldn't get enough of reading his words.
That was a long time ago. One thing I learned from him is when he told me, "type up a reply to me, then wait until the next day to re read it and then send it, if you still feel the same". Most times, I ended up, changing the words.
Sincerely,
Kiki