Benevolent Sexism

[Coito ergo sum]

The looking at your ass thing made me think a bit, and in retrospect I can say that lately I have had a few men show benevolent sexism towards me. (I think)

It doesn't make me angry though, I am more amused by it and frankly, happy to take advantage of the benefits.

I go to Ace Hardware a lot for home improvements, and most of the people who work there are men. When I was heavier I didn't get nearly as many offers for help to lift stuff as I do now that I'm thinner.

The irony is that I needed the help more when I was plump and out of shape...now that I'm in good shape I can lift 50 lbs with much more ease and don't need the help.

That's because most of us guys like to be liked by thin, attractive women. Call me crazy. However, that having been said, I would be the one asking you if you need help at whatever weight. Your womanhood would have been enough for me, and I wouldn't have discriminated based on weight or personal appearance.

[Jason]

I've almost never offered to pick up something or what have you to anyone in my life. I almost always hold the door for whomever is behind me, man or woman. I suppose I'm more courteous to women than men, if their retailers or waiters or something of that sort, sometimes.

As far as liking to be liked, I think both men and women are guilty of that.

[Coito ergo sum]

I've almost never offered to pick up something or what have you to anyone in my life. I almost always hold the door for whomever is behind me, man or woman. I suppose I'm more courteous to women than men, if their retailers or waiters or something of that sort, sometimes.
.

Do you hold the door the same way for men as you do for women? For women, I'll always open the door, and allow the woman to proceed first. For men, I will open the door, proceed through, and then sort of hang onto the door a bit so it doesn't slam shut, but I don't wait and allow some other guy to proceed through first. It would feel weird for me to do that, and it would feel weird for a guy to be holding the door for me and waiting for me to proceed on through.

I smile more at women, I'm sure. Even when I'm really just being friendly with no sort of flirting motive, and that's most of the time these days, I am sure I smile more toward women than men and I am sure that I am generally nicer to women than men. I think it's just ingrained in me that way.

[Jason]

I haven't given it much thought.. but I think it depends on how close they are to the door. Sometimes I hang on to the door just a bit if they're not quite there, other times I hold it open. I rarely hold the door and let anyone pass, man or woman, unless they're elderly, infirm, or seem to be having problems getting along.

[Gallstones]

When it comes to things malfunctioning, some of these things frustrate the hell out of me. Now I can tackle them myself, as I have to, and have my huge tantrum while doing it; or I can hand it off to someone else to do it for me and spare myself and everyone around me all that cussing, banging and bitching.

I am more than willing to tackle those things that don't frustrate me to this extent.

Besides, if I think I can do it better, or I am picky about how a thing is to be done, it is best to let me do it.

Seems like more of a temperament/personality thing and less of a gender thing.

[Gallstones]

I always hold the door open if I get there first.
I always say think you when someone holds it for me.
I always get pissed at people who get to it first and let it shut in my face.

[Coito ergo sum]

Seems like more of a temperament/personality thing and less of a gender thing.

For you? Or, for our culture in general?

[Coito ergo sum]

I always hold the door open if I get there first.

Hold it open after passing through first yourself? Or, hold it open while allowing them to pass through first?

[Gallstones]

I always hold the door open if I get there first.

Hold it open after passing through first yourself? Or, hold it open while allowing them to pass through first?

Both, depending.
It is all in the timing and who is coming in after me and which way the door opens.

[maiforpeace]

I always hold the door open if I get there first.

Hold it open after passing through first yourself? Or, hold it open while allowing them to pass through first?

Both, depending.
It is all in the timing and who is coming in after me and which way the door opens.

I'm with you Gallstones.

What I find annoying is that when I am a gentlewoman and hold the door open, letting the other person pass first, (I don't agree with CES, I think it's more common for women to do it than he thinks) some men will go out of their way to change positions so they can be the ones to open the door first, even though they could use my help with the door more than I need theirs.

[Gallstones]

Seems like more of a temperament/personality thing and less of a gender thing.

For you? Or, for our culture in general?

There are still some malingering cultural tendencies.
But, it is ultimately personality and temperament--one either takes advantage of the malingering cultural tendencies because one is, say, lazy; or one gives the malingering cultural tendencies the finger and does for oneself.

Even so, and given my very small sample size, it is more often stick girls who are inconsiderate and men who are considerate.

[Coito ergo sum]

I always hold the door open if I get there first.

Hold it open after passing through first yourself? Or, hold it open while allowing them to pass through first?

Both, depending.
It is all in the timing and who is coming in after me and which way the door opens.

As for "who is coming in after me" - does their sex matter? To me it does - I won't stand their holding the door for a guy so he can walk through first. If a woman were to do that for me, I'd feel a bit uncomfortable about it, and I would grab the door and say "no no - you go ahead, ladies first."

I've never seen a woman hold a door for a guy so that the guy can walk through first. That just seems weird.

[Coito ergo sum]

I always hold the door open if I get there first.

Hold it open after passing through first yourself? Or, hold it open while allowing them to pass through first?

Both, depending.
It is all in the timing and who is coming in after me and which way the door opens.

I'm with you Gallstones.

What I find annoying is that when I am a gentlewoman and hold the door open, letting the other person pass first, (I don't agree with CES, I think it's more common for women to do it than he thinks)

I'm in my 40's and I've never seen it. Qualification: I have seen women hold the door AFTER passing through, so as not to let it close on someone or in their face. But, what I'm saying I don't ever see is a woman get to the door ahead of a guy, then stand there holding the door as if to say "gentlemen, first," instead of "ladies first." I am honestly shocked and amazed that anyone is suggesting this is at all anything close to common.

[
some men will go out of their way to change positions so they can be the ones to open the door first, even though they could use my help with the door more than I need theirs.

Absolutely, I agree with that. Some of us will. That's how ingrained the culture is. We can be holding some heavy stuff. We still hold open the door for a woman, even if we have to do it with our elbow or foot.

[Gallstones]

I always hold the door open if I get there first.

Hold it open after passing through first yourself? Or, hold it open while allowing them to pass through first?

Both, depending.
It is all in the timing and who is coming in after me and which way the door opens.

As for "who is coming in after me" - does their sex matter? To me it does - I won't stand their holding the door for a guy so he can walk through first. If a woman were to do that for me, I'd feel a bit uncomfortable about it, and I would grab the door and say "no no - you go ahead, ladies first."

I've never seen a woman hold a door for a guy so that the guy can walk through first. That just seems weird.

In the above statement where I use the term "who" I mean age, presence of infirmities, presence of encumberment; that kind of thing.

For instance, I hold all doors for my mother--and anyone like her--and stand well out of the way because she uses a walker or a cane. Whether said individual possesses a penis or a vagina has no relevance.

Weird or not, if I get there first and even if some buff young dude is right behind me, I hold the door for him.
Timing and how the door opens determines if I stand aside or hand it off.

[Gallstones]

I'm in my 40's and I've never seen it. Qualification: I have seen women hold the door AFTER passing through, so as not to let it close on someone or in their face. But, what I'm saying I don't ever see is a woman get to the door ahead of a guy, then stand there holding the door as if to say "gentlemen, first," instead of "ladies first." I am honestly shocked and amazed that anyone is suggesting this is at all anything close to common.

Anecdotal.
Shocked and amazed you say? I really don't make that big of a deal out of it.

I will, from now on, hold the door and stand aside just to be contradictory. I will even say "Please, after you".