How to get raped.

[Xamonas Chegwé]

Both of you knock it off. You know the rules here.

Azathoth consider yourself on a warning of a 24 hour suspension if you post anything more like those last two posts.

[hadespussercats]

Gallstones - that's appalling. I hope you have not given the fucker the (unknown) satisfaction of 'owning' you emotionally since then. I hope yoou stnad proud and hold your head up high for being a strong woman who can handle herself, despite the shit life (or some fuckwit) has thrown at you.

Speaking from my own experinece (which has been very different, because not violent), I handled to two instances where I was raped (once by my stepfather, once by my ex) passivlely. I stated clearly and verbally that I did not want it to happen. I did not, however, put up any physical resistance, as I thought it wouldn't help the situation - their intentions were clear and I wasn't in any position to leave and stop it happening. Having said no, clearly, I allowed what was happening to go on. With my stepfather it took me years to get over it: probably sue to the power imbalance (my being a 12-year old virgin, he being the man my mother loved). He owned a large part of my self-esteem for ages. 20 years later I have that back and merely pity him; he was and is a fool and pathetic. With my ex, he had no power over me: I had already released myself of that when I broke up with him, and I didn't allow myself to feel anything but contempt for his neediness which would drive him to such a desparate act. I actually got angry with him a few weeks later: stating clearly that I was oturaged that he hadn't respected my boundaries and he had raped me. He was appalled - he thought that I had consented, even though he had heard me say 'no', merely because I hadn't physically defended myself from him.

I don't know if this is a good approach to rape, but it certainly worked for me and I believe I carry no long-lasting damage from it. Certainly not physically, and not mentally anymore either. I suspect clear verbal resistance but no physical resistance could often work best in rape situations: you make sure the situation is a 'legally defined' rape but hopefully minimise the risk of physical harm at the same time. However, there are probably some sickos out there who will become violent no matter what.

Nellikin, I'm sorry you had to live through this.

What worries me about not putting up physical resistance is that, while it certainly might be the best way to survive the incident itself, it might make it much harder to get legal justice afterward.

It's fucked up that a person might need to be able to show bruises to prove he or she didn't consent, but I wouldn't be surprised to hear it was true.

[Cunt]

I don't know if this is a good approach to rape, but it certainly worked for me and I believe I carry no long-lasting damage from it. Certainly not physically, and not mentally anymore either. I suspect clear verbal resistance but no physical resistance could often work best in rape situations: you make sure the situation is a 'legally defined' rape but hopefully minimise the risk of physical harm at the same time. However, there are probably some sickos out there who will become violent no matter what.

I think whether it is a good approach depends on your goals and the laws and culture you live with. It sounds like this worked well for you. I only wish the follows could have been dealt with more publicly (though I do understand that privacy is your right - and you PAID for that right)

The sharing here is exactly what I think should be collected and organized for others. Who can take this on? I have been thinking about it, and you don't NEED to have HTML skills, those can be hired...

[Sælir]

Gallstones and Nellie

It takes courage to share these stories with other people. Courage that I don't have but I admire you for yours.

[Ronja]

One issue that the kind of website that Cunt suggested should IMO address, but which can be emotionally repulsive for many to think about in detail, is understanding something about rapists, especially repeat offenders who do not get caught. There is at least one seemingly qualified team collecting data, and some of it is published:

Pooling data from four samples in which 1,882 men [volunteers recruited from college
campuses] were assessed for acts of interpersonal violence, we report on 120 men whose
self-reported acts met legal definitions of rape or attempted rape, but who were never
prosecuted by criminal justice authorities.
...
[the questionaire used] comprised of behaviorally-specific questions describing
sexual acts that approximate the legal definitions of rape, attempted rape, and sexual
assault. However, to avoid evoking defensive reactions in participants, it does so without
referencing any of those legal terms.
...
Of the 120 rapists, 76 (63.3%) reported committing repeat rapes, either against multiple
victims, or more than once against the same victim. In total, the 120 rapists admitted to 483
rapes, or 4.0 rapes each. However, this average is somewhat misleading. Since 44 of the 120
rapists admitted to only a single rape, the 76 repeat rapists actually accounted for 439 of the
rapes, averaging 5.8 each (SD =7.7), significantly more than the single-act rapists (t =-4.1
(118), p < .001). The median number of rapes for the repeat rapists was three. Figure 1 shows
the frequency of rapists who committed single and multiple numbers of rapes.

The data also revealed that these 120 rapists did not confine their violence either to the
sexual realm, or in many cases, to adults. ...
A majority of these men, 70 of the 120 (58.3%), admitted to other acts of interpersonal
violence, including battery, physical abuse and/or sexual abuse of children, and sexual
assault short of rape or attempted rape. Including their 483 acts of rape, these 120
individuals admitted to a total of 1,225 different acts of interpersonal violence.

To provide an additional perspective on the relative level of interpersonal violence being
committed by these repeat rapists, we compared the total number of acts of violence
committed by non-rapists (n =1,754), single-act rapists (n =44), and repeat rapists (n =76).

Non-rapists committed a mean of 1.41 acts of violence, compared to a mean of 3.98 for
single-act rapists, and a mean of 13.75 for repeat rapists, differences that were statistically
significant (F(2,1871) =46.67, p < .001).

http://www.wcsap.org/sites/www.wcsap.or ... 20Rape.pdf

None of the men studied identified themselves as rapists. They "just" had experiences of e.g. holding a person, usually someone they already knew, physically down while attempting to have or having intercourse with them, even though the person had said no, and/or experiences of undressing someone who was too drunk to consent and proceeding with sexual acts or attempts at sexual acts.

The same report also points out this about previous research results:

There is a continuing perception, both generally and within the criminal
justice community, that rapes committed by undetected rapists -
rapes of acquaintances that typically go unreported - are somehow less serious
than stranger rapes (Estrich, 1987; Spears & Spohn, 1997). These acquaintance rape cases,
often referred to as "nonstranger" rape cases, are much less likely to be formally charged
by prosecutors (Estrich, 1987; Koss, 2000; Spears & Spohn, 1997), and are often viewed
with more suspicion by police officers (Ledoux & Hazelwood, 1985).

In their study of 861 rape cases reported to police in one midwestern jurisdiction, Frazier and
Haney (1996) found that in cases where a suspect was identified, the suspect was significantly more
likely to be questioned by the police, and the case referred for prosecution, if there was no
prior acquaintance between the victim and the perpetrator. Once referred for prosecution,
there was no difference in disposition between stranger and nonstranger cases (proportion
charged, pled out versus tried). However, defendants in stranger cases were significantly
more likely than defendants in nonstranger cases to receive prison sentences.

They conclude, among other things:

Given the number of interpersonal crimes being committed by these men [the repeat rapists],
how is it that they are escaping the criminal justice system? The answer may lie, in part, in their
choice of victim and in their relative abnegation of gratuitous violence. By attacking victims
within their social networks - so - called acquaintances - and by refraining from the kind
of violence likely to produce physical injuries in their victims, these rapists create "cases"
that victims are least likely to report, and that prosecutors are less likely to prosecute. A
recent study of the factors associated with rape reporting found that only two factors could
be isolated that increased the likelihood of victim reporting: physical injuries and the use
of a weapon (Bachman, 1998). It is probably not a coincidence that these are also among
the factors that tend to make prosecutors look more favorably upon charging a case
(Estrich, 1987).

[Cunt]

this is why, in a domestic disturbance, it bothers me that the police usually choose one person as 'victim'and another as 'go to jail'. They aren't fit to make that call, and should leave it to a judge.

FUCK that is horrible, and thanks.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

this is why, in a domestic disturbance, it bothers me that the police usually choose one person as 'victim'and another as 'go to jail'. They aren't fit to make that call, and should leave it to a judge.

FUCK that is horrible, and thanks.

In the US most P.D.s will take both to jail if both show physical injuries.