What's the point of getting married?

[Gawdzilla Sama]

From "Committed"; page 62: The big romantic white weddings that we now think of as "traditional" didn't come into being until the 19th C- not until a teenaged Queen Victoria walked down the isle in a fluffy white gown, thereby setting a fashion trend that has never gone out of trend since. Before that, though, your average European wedding day wasn't all that much different from any other day of the week."

I wonder though, if this is true, how did the other monarchs before that wed? I mean, all those Louises and de Bourbons, etc, were there no white gowns?

Royal weddings were affairs of state well before Vicky. And imitation of such was popular. We have bills for wedding parties in cuneiform.

[Bella Fortuna]

From "Committed"; page 62: The big romantic white weddings that we now think of as "traditional" didn't come into being until the 19th C- not until a teenaged Queen Victoria walked down the isle in a fluffy white gown, thereby setting a fashion trend that has never gone out of trend since. Before that, though, your average European wedding day wasn't all that much different from any other day of the week."

I wonder though, if this is true, how did the other monarchs before that wed? I mean, all those Louises and de Bourbons, etc, were there no white gowns?

There had been a few white gowns prior to Victoria, but only due to the bride's preference and not to a colour tradition. Victoria's popular celebrity (and by extension, Albert's) meant that just about everything she did was emulated and became a fashion, and so many of these things have lived on to the present day, and are so ingrained that people think it's the way things have always been - the tradition of the Christmas tree being only one other example.

Examples of non-white wedding dresses (which were obviously after Victoria's wedding, showing that the ubiquity of white had not become entrenched yet):

[DRSB]

Ekaterina's silver gown can almost pass for white:

[Ronja]

What Bella and Ayaan said + so we wouldn't have to report in detail about our sex life to a perfect stranger (to establish paternity, if we would be lucky enough to have kids). An unmarried couple of our friends had quite a stressful experience after their second child was born - they made the mistakes of 1) assuming that their second paternity hearing would be all routine, and 2) taking their sense of humor with them to it...

[pcCoder]

I agree with Bella that there's a strong cultural inclination towards solidifying a relationship by making it official through marriage. Maybe it's not as strong an institution as it once was, but for many people there's still some innate drive to make it happen. On a more selfish level, there's some desire not just to marry someone, but to have the stability and companionship that comes with someone being legally married to you, if you see what I mean.

It's also an excuse to throw a party, and there are usually some economic benefits.

"You're mine now and you can't get out as easily as you could before" is more stable than "You ain't mine you can leave anytime without any legal hassles". I can understand it though, when you love someone you want them near/with you and the legally binding marriage system may seem nice and give you a feeling that they aren't leaving in a more secure and stable way than not being married. In the past it would be so where divorce was difficult to get or publicly shunned. But now, short of a separation period and financial and maybe religious reasons causing some not to consider divorce, it doesn't seem any more stable than an unmarried relationship. It seems to me that the main benefits would be in the practical gains but not any real relationship stability gain. Surely if that stability doesn't already exist before the marriage, there is nothing in place to make it exist afterwards.

[Bella Fortuna]

What's the point of getting married?

After idly perusing some depressing information on options on how one might emigrate to the UK, marrying someone seems to be the only way to do it!

[Ian]

What's the point of getting married?

After idly perusing some depressing information on options on how one might emigrate to the UK, marrying someone seems to be the only way to do it!

But if a wedding erupts someday, be sure to invite me. Or at least send the weblink.

[hadespussercats]

Ekaterina's silver gown can almost pass for white:

I've always loved this dress.

[Sælir]

There are benefits for getting married in Iceland regarding inheritance so it was quite important for us to get married (and I also wanted to throw a party and get a Kitchen Aid )

[hadespussercats]

From "Committed"; page 62: The big romantic white weddings that we now think of as "traditional" didn't come into being until the 19th C- not until a teenaged Queen Victoria walked down the isle in a fluffy white gown, thereby setting a fashion trend that has never gone out of trend since. Before that, though, your average European wedding day wasn't all that much different from any other day of the week."

I wonder though, if this is true, how did the other monarchs before that wed? I mean, all those Louises and de Bourbons, etc, were there no white gowns?

There had been a few white gowns prior to Victoria, but only due to the bride's preference and not to a colour tradition. Victoria's popular celebrity (and by extension, Albert's) meant that just about everything she did was emulated and became a fashion, and so many of these things have lived on to the present day, and are so ingrained that people think it's the way things have always been - the tradition of the Christmas tree being only one other example.

Examples of non-white wedding dresses (which were obviously after Victoria's wedding, showing that the ubiquity of white had not become entrenched yet):

I remember my mom telling me that for many American women in the 19th century, they needed to think about their wedding dress as being their 'best dress"-- their formal dress for any such occasions, for as long as the dress held together and was wearable (since women rarely had more than a couple of dresses at the time.) She said that that was why black was often a popular color for weddings, or gray-- that way, the dresses wouldn't show dirt or wear as quickly, and could be used for funerals and such.

It seems likely that the white dress has as much to do with the luxury of wearing something that could get dirty so easily, that it would only be worn once-- as it has anything to do with the association of white in Western culture with being "pure" or "virginal."

Conspicuous consumption had been a big part of the wedding biz-- for a long, long time (Gawdzilla brings up a good example.)

I have to admit, even though I wanted to wear a wedding dress, I chose something non-white, and I chose not to wear a veil, because I didn't like the associations of dressing up the property to look pure and pretty before handing it off. Also, even though my father walked me down the aisle (I think it might have broken his heart a little not to get to do that) he most decidedly did not give me away-- that transaction had no part in our ceremony.

[hadespussercats]

Why did I get married?..hmmm...To be honest, I can't quite put my finger on it. I don't think I analyzed it as much as I just felt emotions about it. I "felt" that I wanted it, that I was ready, that he would make me feel amazing for the rest of my life.

Now, I'm not quite sure. I'm sure part of me got married because he asked. It was traditional, in front of family, etc. Perhaps I got swept away in THAT moment of our relationship (how well our relationship was going) and didn't really think "How would we really work out as a couple?"

I also think we've both changed since. Even though it's been under a year, we are both becoming fundamentally different. What we want out of life, especially at the moment, seems drastically different.

If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have gotten married. I feel I was just as much to blame. I had my own ideals about marriage and our relationship but I think there was always a tiny piece of me that knew it would never work out. I ignored this tiny piece of me and felt that with time, that voice of doubt would get muffled out by marriage, children, and the pursuit of "happiness".

Now a days, I wonder if I'll ever want to be with anyone "til death do us part". I don't think I've ever met someone that I felt permanently "in love" with or even permanently "attracted" to. I sometimes wonder if monogamy is even something that comes naturally to me and that scares me. Open relationships seem very rare and require more trust and self confidence than I feel I have at the moment. On the other hand, I could see myself being emotionally faithful to someone while being open.

The title of this thread has been running through my mind all Summer and has made me come to the conclusion that 2011 is going to be one of the most difficult years of my life.

It was a beautiful wedding though




Or maybe I just got married so I could have an excuse to make my dog wear a tuxedo.

Eva, I'm sorry to hear about your relationship troubles, but if it helps at all-- you look absolutely stunning in these photos. What a beautiful bride!

[odysseus]

I'll just leave this here....

[hadespussercats]

I'll just leave this here....

That's bleak.

It's strange-- I feel like getting married was a good choice for me-- but I don't think I'd recommend it generally.

Not sure what that says for the institution at large...

[normal]

It is quite ingrained in our culture that proposing and getting married is a huge romantic gesture. So I think I could get married just for the burst of romance. Even if it doesn't really matter to me.

It'd be like a gift or something, and I'd earn relationship points which is always cool.

[Bella Fortuna]

This is why you get married.



Sigh....