Normal, what is it?

[Gallstones]

I believe normal exists, but what is it? How is it defined? How does it work?
I know I am not "normal". Thing is, I don't want to be.

There are rare occasions when I am, what I would presume to be, normal-like/normalish. I don't like it. It is boring and the thought that I might stay that way causes me anxiety and is depressing.

I don't know how to be normal.

Are you normal?
How do you know?
Do you like it?
Do you want to stay that way?
Do you have any idea what is like to not be normal?
What do you think about people who are not normal?

[irretating]

Nope. I'm not normal. But I'd like to be. I think whether you think you are or are not normal, and whether you want to be or not, all depends on how you define it.

[Gallstones]

I'm not.
Never will be.

Why do you want to be normal Irr?
What would that mean to you?

[irretating]

I want to be normal, because there are things going on in my head that I'd rather not have going on. My definition of normal is that a normal person isn't plagued with such head chatter. I would be less stressed if I were normal. I don't equate normal to average, mind.

I think I get the gist of why you don't want to be normal. But I don't think you'd become boring or less of a special person, so I don't think you have anything to fear about being normal.

[Hermit]

"Normal" is based on "norm", which is defined as "a standard, model, or pattern regarded as typical".

In so far as "normal" is defined as a statistic of some aspect or another in our lives as individuals, we all have plenty of it. Being male, for instance, I am normal insofar as I have a penis. If I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia, it would be normal for me to have attitudes about women that the majority of middle class west Europeans would normally find utterly disgusting. If I was born and raised in the USA, it would be more likely to view myself as a unique individual who cannot rightfully be pigeonholed as being normal, even though my views concerning the notion of individualism would be more normal there than anywhere else in occidental cultures.

I know I am not "normal". Thing is, I don't want to be.

From what I said above, this sentiment makes you overwhelmingly normal.

[hadespussercats]

I'd really like to get back to the not-normal I was back when I was normal, and had no idea how not-normal I was. Back when I took pride in not being normal.

My not-normal gets in the way of normal things I'd like to do.

But my not-normal is more normal than it used to be. I guess that's progress.

[Gallstones]

I want to be normal, because there are things going on in my head that I'd rather not have going on. My definition of normal is that a normal person isn't plagued with such head chatter. I would be less stressed if I were normal. I don't equate normal to average, mind.

I think I get the gist of why you don't want to be normal. But I don't think you'd become boring or less of a special person, so I don't think you have anything to fear about being normal.

Thank you Irr.
Many people "like me" do want to be normal because they find the activity in their heads and the changes to be distressing and even frightening.

It is so familiar to me and it is who and what I am, so I would violently resist attempts to fix me--there can be no fix anyway, only accommodation and I see that as a diminishment.
That does extract a cost where relationships are concerned.

[Gallstones]

"Normal" is based on "norm", which is defined as "a standard, model, or pattern regarded as typical".

In so far as "normal" is defined as a statistic of some aspect or another in our lives as individuals, we all have plenty of it. Being male, for instance, I am normal insofar as I have a penis. If I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia, it would be normal for me to have attitudes about women that the majority of middle class west Europeans would normally find utterly disgusting. If I was born and raised in the USA, it would be more likely to view myself as a unique individual who cannot rightfully be pigeonholed as being normal, even though my views concerning the notion of individualism would be more normal there than anywhere else in occidental cultures.

I know I am not "normal". Thing is, I don't want to be.

From what I said above, this sentiment makes you overwhelmingly normal.

Seraph, I am bipolar.

I find that what I am is normal for me but is either rejected, feared or simply not understood by the majority of persons who don't have the emotional existence that I have. I am very fortunate that I function well regardless, mostly. I have close blood relatives who are/were affected and don't/didn't function well at all.

Mental disorders are something that my family considers shameful and not to be acknowledged or accepted. The affected persons in my family are blamed for making things hard for others.

I only just came to terms and found reason to be accepting of myself in recent months.

[Gallstones]

I'd really like to get back to the not-normal I was back when I was normal, and had no idea how not-normal I was. Back when I took pride in not being normal.

My not-normal gets in the way of normal things I'd like to do.

But my not-normal is more normal than it used to be. I guess that's progress.

I still don't have an accurate perspective on how I differ from people who are not like me. That is why I started this thread, to get clues. It does cause some communication problems. It has made relationships difficult, more difficult when I didn't know what was going on.

I don't want to be changed into something I'm not just to fit in. I know others who long to be able to do that.

[hadespussercats]

How did you learn to be accepting of yourself?

(sorry, that question sounds way over-earnest, and it might be more personal than you want to discuss.)

I don't mind being strange in some ways-- but the ways that might make me less reliable, that cast my... for lack of a better word, witness to my own life in doubt...

I'm angry that part of who I am is something that, for a lot of people, means I'm not someone to take seriously-- except maybe as a person to fear or to avoid.

I resent the need for cover stories. Particularly since, for most purposes, I'm "normal" in the ways that matter.

There's more. This was something I had to think about pretty seriously, today. But I don't want to get into the rest of it here.

[Gallstones]

Hades, I read a book written by a Psychologist who is also bipolar. It was about her thesis that exceptionally creative persons seem to be affected more than normal people. I have mentioned this somewhere else. There was much in the book that I can't recall exactly, but it was the first time--given my family culture--that I saw how being what I am has dignity. Dignity was what had been missing before. I think you allude to that. The necessity to pretend and withhold and apologize and self blame and fear being unacceptable to life. That my "difference" (I hate the terms illness and disorder and disease) was all that I was. It isn't. I see it more as a privilege now than a defect.

Anyway that is what happens to me.

In addition to dignity, I was able to assuage the fear that I would end up psychotic. My maternal grandmother was a psychiatric nurse in the 50's and 60's. Her stories terrified me.

[hadespussercats]

Hades, I read a book written by a Psychologist who is also bipolar. It was about her thesis that exceptionally creative persons seem to be affected more than normal people. I have mentioned this somewhere else. There was much in the book that I can't recall exactly, but it was the first time--given my family culture--that I saw how being what I am has dignity. Dignity was what had been missing before. I think you allude to that. The necessity to pretend and withhold and apologize and self blame and fear being unacceptable to life. That my "difference" (I hate the terms illness and disorder and disease) was all that I was. It isn't. I see it more as a privilege now than a defect.

Anyway that is what happens to me.

In addition to dignity, I was able to assuage the fear that I would end up psychotic. My maternal grandmother was a psychiatric nurse in the 50's and 60's. Her stories terrified me.

Jamison's Touched With Fire ?

I've got it. And yeah, we're in good company.

But it's still difficult to see how even educated people think my diagnosis means any moment I'll be up on the roof in a tutu, wielding a gun.

[irretating]

Do educated people really think that, though? I just worry about the higher likelihood of self-harm, that comes with bipolar.

[hadespussercats]

Do educated people really think that, though? I just worry about the higher likelihood of self-harm, that comes with bipolar.

Yes, and yes-- though the latter has never been an issue for me personally.

[irretating]

Ah, ok. I think that people who think that aren't really educated, at least not about bipolar. And I'm glad about the latter thing