Wife just informed me she is now agnostic.

[FedUpWithFaith]

For those of you who have read my ramblings over the years about my wonderful Catholic wife of almost 29 years, well, she ain't any more. Christian that is, she's still great. And it's weird, it went out with a whimper, not with a bang. In fact, she didn't even come out and tell me. My younger son told me his mother told him that the other day in a matter-of-fact way while discussing religion. I had to ask her thinking my son was joking.

It feels weird to me. I thought I'd be happy about it and I guess I am, but frankly it's very tepid. And I realize I have now lost one of my playing cards in debate against the religiots, namely, that I'm married to a Christian so as to infer I'm not some dogmatic atheist bigot. Most of my friends who became atheists/agnostics went through periods of doubt, rarely prolonged over a year, and then quickly "saw the light" and ditched God like a bad tooth. Not my wife. It's been very gradual over the years. She was pretty religious when we married and attended Church regularly. She gradually became disenchanted with the Catholic church for reasons all of us are familiar with and was looking into changing faiths as recently as a year or so ago. She tells me she's still not sure - thinks a god could exist, but I can see she's making no internal excuses anymore. No more faith buttresses. It's just evaporated. But she's still the same person and says it hasn't affected how she views or lives her life.

Just thought some of you might want to hear me share this...

[Xamonas Chegwé]

That's touching FUWF. It takes a lot to give up a delusion of many years. It's not an easy thing - especially at a more advanced age. Most make the leap of unfaith in their teens, early twenties, or not at all. There's even a note of sadness in it - like the loss of the last baby tooth - it had to happen but there is a certain minor interval in the chord all the same. My congratulations to your wife. I somehow think that daily doses of your good self were not entirely without credit either!

Has she told her family yet? That is usually the proof of the atheist pudding.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Has she eaten a baby yet? That was the Aha moment for me.

[FedUpWithFaith]

Has she told her family yet? That is usually the proof of the atheist pudding.

My younger son, who loves to make trouble, was talking about telling her family, particularly her mother. My wife was pretty nonchalant about it. My wife doesn't view this as a milestone or anything special. I've heard her defend my atheist views to her family so this is something she can challenge them on. I hugged her after she told me about her agnosticism as I said with a wink, "welcome to the dark side". i don't think she'd have a problem telling everyone in her family except for her mom and perhaps her aunt, who happens to be a Catholic nun. In the case of her mom, the woman is a sweet lady but, frankly, dumb as a stump. There really isn't anything to be gained by telling her or upsetting her and it might not upset her that much. She never minded me being an atheist. But frankly she really doesn't understand atheism. I think she believes we just believe in a different God. She simply can't imagine not being Catholic. I'm not going to encourage my wife to tell anybody, she's always been private about her views on god and never tried to proselytize anybody even when she believed deeply. I have no plans to put her in the hot seat and I don't plan on allowing my son to do so either. I see no good that can come of it, only pain.

With her sisters and their familes it's different. Some of them have their doubts (I know from talking to them), however slight, so I'd love her to tell them. I think she will if religion comes up - but she is never the one to bring up religion.

[FedUpWithFaith]

Has she eaten a baby yet? That was the Aha moment for me.

Did you eat a baby and become atheist or was eating a baby after you embraced atheism your "confirmation"

[Xamonas Chegwé]

Has she told her family yet? That is usually the proof of the atheist pudding.

My younger son, who loves to make trouble, was talking about telling her family, particularly her mother. My wife was pretty nonchalant about it. My wife doesn't view this as a milestone or anything special. I've heard her defend my atheist views to her family so this is something she can challenge them on. I hugged her after she told me about her agnosticism as I said with a wink, "welcome to the dark side". i don't think she'd have a problem telling everyone in her family except for her mom and perhaps her aunt, who happens to be a Catholic nun. In the case of her mom, the woman is a sweet lady but, frankly, dumb as a stump. There really isn't anything to be gained by telling her or upsetting her and it might not upset her that much. She never minded me being an atheist. But frankly she really doesn't understand atheism. I think she believes we just believe in a different God. She simply can't imagine not being Catholic. I'm not going to encourage my wife to tell anybody, she's always been private about her views on god and never tried to proselytize anybody even when she believed deeply. I have no plans to put her in the hot seat and I don't plan on allowing my son to do so either. I see no good that can come of it, only pain.

With her sisters and their familes it's different. Some of them have their doubts (I know from talking to them), however slight, so I'd love her to tell them. I think she will if religion comes up - but she is never the one to bring up religion.

Somehow, reading this while listening to Einstein on the Beach seems very profound. It is probably just the wine - but it is very cheap wine, so perhaps not.

[redunderthebed]

Thats awesome FUWF my mum is Agnostic and i was too for awhile.

[Thinking Aloud]

Hurrah for Mrs FUWF!

The nicest "deconversions" are those close to home, with people we care about.

Mrs TA has been atheist for a few years, and I recently asked her how and when she had made her decision. Amazingly, she admitted it was something I'd said to her, where I'd put belief in God on a par with belief in Astrology (which she fervently never did). She'd disagreed strongly at the time (I can't remember the conversation at all) but then thought about it, and couldn't find any argument to the contrary.

More recently, I've seen my mother start to show signs of skepticism - something I never thought I'd see (and not of my doing).

[FBM]

Hurrah for Mrs FUWF!

The nicest "deconversions" are those close to home, with people we care about.

Mrs TA has been atheist for a few years, and I recently asked her how and when she had made her decision. Amazingly, she admitted it was something I'd said to her, where I'd put belief in God on a par with belief in Astrology (which she fervently never did). She'd disagreed strongly at the time (I can't remember the conversation at all) but then thought about it, and couldn't find any argument to the contrary.

More recently, I've seen my mother start to show signs of skepticism - something I never thought I'd see (and not of my doing).

Indeed! Good for her and you both, FUWF! With respect to TA's experience, I've found that a gently, well-placed seed of doubt does much more good than intense arguments that just leave both sides more entrenched in their positions. In the long run, they do sometimes bear fruit. I have a Korean girlfriend who started going to church a couple of years ago. At the time, she said she wasn't sure about gawd, but she liked the social support she found there. Over time, she started talking more and more like a believer. I didn't laugh in her face or argue with her, but I did have a few chances to explain the reasons for my disbelief, some things about the origin of the bible and whatnot. Then we didn't discuss it for a long time. Just about a week or so ago, she told me that she decided not to believe in gawd because of what I'd explained. She still goes to church for the social thing, tho.

[devogue]

I think this is very bad news.

I think there should only be 144,000 atheists allowed in the world - any more and we start murdering fuckers.

I hate the thought of most of the world's people being sensible like me.

[JimC]

My own wife was brought up catholic, but has gradually abandoned any active participation, and is somewhat critical of the church. Not really religious anymore, but would bridle if it were suggested she wasn't a christian anymore...

I think she just prefers to quietly forget about it...

[al-rawandi]

For those of you who have read my ramblings over the years about my wonderful Catholic wife of almost 29 years, well, she ain't any more. Christian that is, she's still great. And it's weird, it went out with a whimper, not with a bang. In fact, she didn't even come out and tell me. My younger son told me his mother told him that the other day in a matter-of-fact way while discussing religion. I had to ask her thinking my son was joking.

It feels weird to me. I thought I'd be happy about it and I guess I am, but frankly it's very tepid. And I realize I have now lost one of my playing cards in debate against the religiots, namely, that I'm married to a Christian so as to infer I'm not some dogmatic atheist bigot. Most of my friends who became atheists/agnostics went through periods of doubt, rarely prolonged over a year, and then quickly "saw the light" and ditched God like a bad tooth. Not my wife. It's been very gradual over the years. She was pretty religious when we married and attended Church regularly. She gradually became disenchanted with the Catholic church for reasons all of us are familiar with and was looking into changing faiths as recently as a year or so ago. She tells me she's still not sure - thinks a god could exist, but I can see she's making no internal excuses anymore. No more faith buttresses. It's just evaporated. But she's still the same person and says it hasn't affected how she views or lives her life.

Just thought some of you might want to hear me share this...

High five.... I like. Now you can use birth control.


***Bad joke***

[Keyser Soze]

I think that's fantastic, congrats to you and Mrs. FUWF