A case for arranged marriage

[punter18]

http://vimeo.com/22309808

Hi. I am still new here, and the link above is NOT a spam, nor am I trying to promote the video's message. Just wanted to let everyone see one example of how arranged marriage, for good or bad, is romanticized in India.

And I am from India.

As far as my opinion goes, I think it's a fallacious conclusion at the end of the video that less than 5% of arranged marriages end up in divorce. I await diverse responses.

[Tigger]

Initially I thought you were in the "pro" group. I take it you are not? Acted, scripted videos don't detract from the issue of an arranged marriage totally removing choice. I think it's an abhorrent practice.

[Rum]

We are deeply attached to the notion of individual liberty in the 'west', but it is actually a relatively new concept and would have been completely alien in the vast majority of cultures until recently. Instead, social life was seen as a series of duties and obligations. I guess that is still true in large parts of the world. I am not in favour of arranged marriages because I do actually believe in individual choice and freedom, but I am perfectly able to accept that they survive as well and better than the more usual marriages here in the west, two of which I have in my personal case seen off!

[punter18]

Initially I thought you were in the "pro" group. I take it you are not? Acted, scripted videos don't detract from the issue of an arranged marriage totally removing choice. I think it's an abhorrent practice.

No, of course not. If I were in the "pro" group, I would have written much more to put forward my case in its favor. I didn't. However, I do not find arranged marriage an "abhorrent" practice either.

My co-worker had at least one argument in its favor (he is married; I am not, by the way), which I think is implausible. He said since, in India, it's normal for children to live with their parents well over in their twenties, which is exactly the case with me, children cannot "betray" their parent's feelings by not marrying a partner of their choice. Since, in such a case, children are morally obligated to comply.

ETA: Inserting quote and clarification.

[GenesForLife]

The whole video is a bit illogical IMO. Sure, only 5% may end in divorces, but it is a flawed premise that if someone isn't divorced that they are happy (False dilemma). 95% of marriages are still arranged? I see it as being a case of argumentum ad populum and an appeal to tradition and nothing more. I think the divorce stats may have something to do with the protracted nature of it all and the fact that there is social stigma against divorcees IME.

The whole video stinks of cultural bombastism and bad logic and a script from a fairytale. Does not withstand critical scrutiny IMO.

It will certainly be extremely interesting when the whole arranged marriage thing will crop up in my life in the future, my stance is clearly against it, parents are ok with that, but how the rest of my (extended) family (they're orthodox Hindus) react remains to be seen.

[GenesForLife]

More views...

I do not find the concept of arranged marriage per se abhorrent, however, I feel that any case of arranged marriage that involves the imposition of a decision upon the person getting married or the use of wibble (such as horoscopes) to try and limit one's choices is worthy of being deemed repulsive. If the custom of arranged marriage prevents people from being with whoever they want to be with,screw it I say.

[DRSB]

At least these two have some say in the matter, they did not meet for the first time at the wedding.

[punter18]

At least these two have some say in the matter, they did not meet for the first time at the wedding.

Is this your caricatured view of arranged marriages?

[DRSB]

At least these two have some say in the matter, they did not meet for the first time at the wedding.

Is this your caricatured view of arranged marriages?

Yes! Sorry, I don't know as much as you about the matter, but imagine astrology plays a great part in the match-making. Thanks for enlightening me.

[GenesForLife]

At least these two have some say in the matter, they did not meet for the first time at the wedding.

Is this your caricatured view of arranged marriages?

Pedantically speaking, Punter, forced marriages are a subclass of arranged marriages,and those where the two don't meet may be a subclass of forced marriages.
So it is not completely caricatured as a view.

[floppit]

More views...

I do not find the concept of arranged marriage per se abhorrent, however, I feel that any case of arranged marriage that involves the imposition of a decision upon the person getting married or the use of wibble (such as horoscopes) to try and limit one's choices is worthy of being deemed repulsive. If the custom of arranged marriage prevents people from being with whoever they want to be with,screw it I say.

Damn fine response! If someone, anyone, wants their Mum, Dad or even the guy who sells parsnips to find their partner so be it, if a Mum, Dad or the guy who sells parsnips wants to suggest a partner so be it - neither is questionable without the addition of coercion, pressure, force etc.

I realise that where family relationship are involved issues like pressure can be omnipresent but then, in my 20's the peer pressure to have a string of boyfriends was huge.

OMG!!! SHIT!! I just bit into a coffee cream chocolate! PLARGH!

[Ronja]

I agree with much of what has been said above. IMO that video was a romantic dream, and the slapped-on "statistics" at the end were an insult to the viewer's intelligence.

Regarding the "characters" - my first impression was that his character was supposed to be a happy-go-lucky (almost) ordinary guy, whom nobody had expected to behave like an adult before (he's an only son etc.). So he has a kind of personal epiphany when he meets a serious girl who actually does seem to expect him to act (more) maturely, and falls in love (almost) at first sight. And she cannot resist that.

Hence my verdict of "romantic dream".

[punter18]

At least these two have some say in the matter, they did not meet for the first time at the wedding.

Is this your caricatured view of arranged marriages?

Yes! Sorry, I don't know as much as you about the matter, but imagine astrology plays a great part. Thanks for enlightening me.

If you ignore the dramatics of the video (like the girl putting the clause of asking just a volley of 20, non-personal questions back and forth with the guy) in the OP, this is how arranged marriages are "fixed", at least in the Indian metropolitan. Though it's not uncommon that parents from both sides accompany their children when they meet each other for the first time. The elders may allow the privacy to would-be bride and groom later in the course of meeting (either by vacating the room, if it happens to be a house of the either party, or allow them to hang out with each other for general chit-chat).

You are right about the astrology part, though. Indeed, it plays a much bigger and deeper role in deciding the fate of the marriage among the Hindus. If the "stars" (or "planets", or whatever) do not match for the prospective bride and groom, chances are the idea of marriage won't be fructified (I could be completely wrong here; this is strictly my opinion). And it could still happen even if they belong to the same caste. In orthodox Hindu families, marrying someone out of your own caste is still very much frowned upon.

[punter18]

More views...

I do not find the concept of arranged marriage per se abhorrent, however, I feel that any case of arranged marriage that involves the imposition of a decision upon the person getting married or the use of wibble (such as horoscopes) to try and limit one's choices is worthy of being deemed repulsive. If the custom of arranged marriage prevents people from being with whoever they want to be with,screw it I say.

I agree. But considering that horoscopes are a staple of most arranged marriages, how could you not find the idea of them being abhorrent anyway? I mean, after all, horoscopes, or match-making, and eventually the whole institution of arranged marriage pose an impediment, don't you think?

[DRSB]

At least these two have some say in the matter, they did not meet for the first time at the wedding.

Is this your caricatured view of arranged marriages?

Yes! Sorry, I don't know as much as you about the matter, but imagine astrology plays a great part. Thanks for enlightening me.

If you ignore the dramatics of the video (like the girl putting the clause of asking just a volley of 20, non-personal questions back and forth with the guy) in the OP, this is how arranged marriages are "fixed", at least in the Indian metropolitan. Though it's not uncommon that parents from both sides accompany their children when they meet each other for the first time. The elders may allow the privacy to would-be bride and groom later in the course of meeting (either by vacating the room, if it happens to be a house of the either party, or allow them to hang out with each other for general chit-chat).

You are right about the astrology part, though. Indeed, it plays a much bigger and deeper role in deciding the fate of the marriage among the Hindus. If the "stars" (or "planets", or whatever) do not match for the prospective bride and groom, chances are the idea of marriage won't be fructified (I could be completely wrong here; this is strictly my opinion). And it could still happen even if they belong to the same caste. In orthodox Hindu families, marrying someone out of your own caste is still very much frowned upon.

And they look primarily at the Moon-signs, don't they? Our horoscopes here glorify the Sun-sign, but for the Hindus it is the Moon-signs that have to match. Vedic astrology dates back to the times when people thought the Earth was the centre of the Universe. It was only after Copernicus that Western astrology became solar-based.
Gotta say, if the scarce divorce statistics are down to astrology, this really makes the case for astrology.