Father Ted

[cowiz]

Is the greatest comedy ever made by anyone ever.

[cowiz]

Ted: It's quite common. The favored son is a doctor and the idiot brother is sent into the priesthood.
Dougal: Your brother's a doctor isn't he Ted?

[devogue]

Dougal: What time is it?

Ted: Six.

Dougal: O'clock?

Sublime.

[cowiz]

Dougal: What time is it?

Ted: Six.

Dougal: O'clock?

Sublime.

There's just so many great lines to choose from

[Animavore]

All the above is correct.

[cowiz]

It works on so many levels:

Ted: I know what's going on, Pat Mustard. There are some very hairy babies on Craggy Island, and I think you are the hairy baby-maker.
Pat Mustard: Oh, yeah? Well, I think that you would need proof if you were going to make that sort of an accusation. And I'm a very careful man, Father. A very careful man!
Ted: Except when it comes to taking precautions in the bedroom.
Pat Mustard: Ah, w-... you certainly wouldn't be advising the use of artificial contraception now, Father, would you?
Ted: Yes, I... well... if you're going to be... of course you will... JUST FECK OFF!

[Feck]

They have not repeated the one with the bishop collecting Nazi memorabilia .

[cowiz]

They have not repeated the one with the bishop collecting Nazi memorabilia .

Ted: Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests... more drink!

[devogue]

They have not repeated the one with the bishop collecting Nazi memorabilia .

It's always on - it's the one with the Chinese in it.

"I hear you're a racist now father!" - you have to come from Ireland to appreciate the subtle genius of that line.

[cowiz]

Ted: What was it he used to say about the needy? He had a term for them...
Dougal: A shower of bastards.

[devogue]

Father Jim Sutton: Why is it always the good ones? You BASTARD! (shakes fist to Heaven) He could've been Pope! No no no, he's dead Ted awww we'll never see him again!
Father Ted: We'll see him in the next world.
Father Jim Sutton:[dripping with sarcasm] Oh yeah, sure!!

[cowiz]

Ted: There he is so. Risen from the dead. Like that fella... ET

[cowiz]

Bishop Facks: So, Father. Do you ever have any doubts about the religious life? Is your faith ever tested? Anything you would be worried about? Any doubts you've been having about any aspects of belief? Anything like that?
Dougal: Well, you know the way God made us all, right? And he's looking down at us from heaven and everything?
Bishop Facks: Uh-huh.
[nods]
Dougal: And then his son came down and saved everyone and all that?
Bishop Facks: Yes.
Dougal: And when we die we're all going to go to heaven?
Bishop Facks: Yes. What about it?
Dougal: Well, that's the bit I have trouble with.

[devogue]

Father Jack: They lie in wait like wolves. The smell of blood in their nostrils. Waiting. Interminably waiting. And then...

Father Dougal: He's right, Ted.

[Animavore]

Father Dougal: I know! Well lure them into a giant bingo game!
Father Ted: And how are we going to do that?
Father Dougal: We'll print up some bingo cards on our printing press and... oh.
Father Ted: Yes, it's the lack of a printing press that lets us down there. Or bingo balls. Or a PA system. Or in fact, any bingo paraphernalia at all.
Father Dougal: Damn. So near, yet so far.