How do you know when you love someone?

[CJ]

Please remember this is a serious discussion area of the forum, this isn't a trivial question. I am asking it so we can explore human feelings together. Please think twice before being flippant or derailing. There is a whole forum out there to take the piss out of each other. If you want to take part in this discussion please do it with due consideration to the feelings of your fellow members.

When have you felt you are in love and how did it feel to you.

To me the physical symptoms are a dull aching feeling in my chest, a desire to think of nothing but the object of my affection, to wish do nothing than to talk to them and be with them all the time.

How does love manifest itself in you?

[Xamonas Chegwé]

Pretty much what you said.

A great, gaping hole inside that is only filled by that person's presence (and NO, not that kind of hole!)
The sudden whoosh you feel when the phone rings and you know it is them. The way the world is pulled out from under you when it turns out to be some fucker trying to sell you double glazing instead.
The absolute need to hold that person close. Forever.

That kind of shit.

[JacksSmirkingRevenge]

Please remember this is a serious discussion area of the forum, this isn't a trivial question. I am asking it so we can explore human feelings together. Please think twice before being flippant or derailing. There is a whole forum out there to take the piss out of each other. If you want to take part in this discussion please do it with due consideration to the feelings of your fellow members.

When have you felt you are in love and how did it feel to you.

To me the physical symptoms are a dull aching feeling in my chest, a desire to think of nothing but the object of my affection, to wish do nothing than to talk to them and be with them all the time.

How does love manifest itself in you?

I assume you mean 'sexual love' specifically?

Similar, I suppose, but for me you could perhaps add loss of appetite to the list.
I should add that I haven't experienced these 'symptoms' for about 16 years or so...so memories of what it felt like are sketchy for me.

[CJ]

Yes. I'm thinking of the all consuming desire for another person where all you want is to lose yourself in them, where you want to be swallowed up emotionally by them.

Yes, loss of appetite would be one of those symptoms. Smiling inanely when you think about them would be another. Worrying about them when they are not there would be another.

[Pappa]

It depends what you mean by 'love'. I think it's a poorly definded term that covers a few different states altogether.

'Romantic love', that first rush at the beginning of a relationship or what one feels when love is unrequited is a brain chemistry thing. It's like a drug, causing anxiety, happiness, irrational thinking, despair, childlike delight, etc.

'Longterm love' is something else completely. I think it's a conglomeration of many other emotions and feelings bound together under a not-so-useful linguistic rubric. I think the term is badly defined and difficult to explain properly.

[Ace]

I know love through feeling as well as knowledge of their personality. Which is why I never had a crush on danny who had a crush on me.
Her personality is opposite to mine and the feelings I get from her are none. I feel nothing for her but I felt a great deal for jessica as well as katie.

Love is a strange thing I think. I haven't feel in love with anyone for sometime now.

[CJ]

It depends what you mean by 'love'. I think it's a poorly definded term that covers a few different states altogether.

'Romantic love', that first rush at the beginning of a relationship or what one feels when love is unrequited is a brain chemistry thing. It's like a drug, causing anxiety, happiness, irrational thinking, despair, childlike delight, etc.

'Longterm love' is something else completely. I think it's a conglomeration of many other emotions and feelings bound together under a not-so-useful linguistic rubric. I think the term is badly defined and difficult to explain properly.

Agreed. The term love is too broad a brush to cover the variety of feelings it is expected to encompass. 'Romantic love' is the feeling I am interested in. It is so intense and throws logic and rational behaviour out of the window, brings tears of joy and sorrow to the eyes of men and women.

[Fanny]

It depends what you mean by 'love'. I think it's a poorly definded term that covers a few different states altogether.

'Romantic love', that first rush at the beginning of a relationship or what one feels when love is unrequited is a brain chemistry thing. It's like a drug, causing anxiety, happiness, irrational thinking, despair, childlike delight, etc.

'Longterm love' is something else completely. I think it's a conglomeration of many other emotions and feelings bound together under a not-so-useful linguistic rubric. I think the term is badly defined and difficult to explain properly.

+1

Love is just a bullshit word. Actions speak louder than bullshit.

bound together under a not-so-useful linguistic rubric.

[CJ]

Love is just a bullshit word. Actions speak louder than bullshit.

So how do you feel when you are in love, if you feel you ever have been. How does the desire we inadequately symbolise with the word love effect you?

[charlou]

bound together under a not-so-useful linguistic rubric.

I'm sorry CJ, but Oh...my...fucking...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhhhyahuh...that does it for me.

How do you know when you love someone?

When my mind is engaged by that someone to the point that my body responds.

[Dasein]

When my mind is engaged by that someone to the point that my body responds.

lovely. well said.

[Fanny]

Love is just a bullshit word. Actions speak louder than bullshit.

So how do you feel when you are in love, if you feel you ever have been. How does the desire we inadequately symbolise with the word love effect you?

Using the word 'love', as Pappa elucidated well, collapses so many different outlooks. It's like saving 5 different images at a tenth of the resolution and they all come out looking the same.

In the context of the posts, I think some people are talking more about what is more aptly and simply termed desire. And desire can be triggered by a whole range of very different things for different people.

Desire can also be toxic and is why Carmen eats it at the hands of Don Jose and why Glenn Close goes mentalist in fatal attraction. Most people wouldn't call either love, but they would all call it desire. Perhaps the same desire people in healthy relationships feel, but with different psychological triggers and feedback loops.

So a level of desire is a prerequisite to a healthy relationship, but there are psychological aspects which trigger that desire which are very different for each individual.

I think it's fairly easy to explain how you feel when you desire someone and when this happens, the question is why. Why do you desire someone?


The reason I think love is a bullshit word is the same reason I think faith is a bullshit word.

[JacksSmirkingRevenge]

When my mind is engaged by that someone to the point that my body responds.

lovely. well said.

Could you explain further Charlou?
I would say that my body reacts at the merest hint that sex might be 'in the air' for me. - I don't have to love someone (in the sense that C.J. means, I think) to become aroused by them.

[charlou]

Hah, my body can respond equally tangibly to hate, I'm sure ...


But to answer Maj. Eyeswater's question, I'm intellectually attracted first and the intensity of my intellectual response is manifested physically. I get turned on by a kindred intellect ... ie I find it sexy/sexually attractive. It's the two in combination, the intellect and the sexual attraction, that elicit a 'love' response in me ... sometimes ... other factors play into it ... and all of these can shift and change over time ...

[Xamonas Chegwé]

Hah, my body can respond equally tangibly to hate, I'm sure ...


But to answer Maj. Eyeswater's question, I'm intellectually attracted first and the intensity of my intellectual response is manifested physically. I get turned on by a kindred intellect ... ie I find it sexy/sexually attractive. It's the two in combination, the intellect and the sexual attraction, that elicit a 'love' response in me ... sometimes ... other factors play into it ... and all of these can shift and change over time ...

I pretty much agree. Love is something more than mere desire. I have done a lot of desiring in my life but not much of it could really be called love.

Not only do you just want to fuck someone, you also want to watch them sit and read, listen to them breathe, find out about their childhood hopes and fears, share concerts, books, music, films and plays with them. When you are in love you can find the way that the object of that love opens a can or picks up their mobile phone fascinating and beautiful. That is more than desire.

Biologically it is a brain chemical response to a potential sex/life partner but that doesn't make it feel one jot less incredible - just like knowing how a rainbow is formed doesn't reduce any of the wonder that you feel on seeing one.