Its offical, I'm going crazy

[Lozzer]

Can you make it to Manchester?

As per being "crazy" - many notable figures have been documented, on occasion, to have gone a bit awry in the head occasionally. You may like these quotes: http://www.notable-quotes.com/m/madness_quotes.html

Also - I had a brief "mad spell" when I was around 13, during the summer holidays - and I'm not sure quite what spurred it, but I started thinking that I was being pursued by some evil presence that might have the capacity to tune into my thoughts, and it resided in the cupboard at the back of my room at night - and I had a few mild hallucinations of the faces in my posters sort of "melting" and contorting, and the eyes blinking and stuff. I drew crosses on all my posters ( ) and would sometimes sit up all night until it was dawn outside and hence "safe" to sleep.

I would often hear muffled murmuring sounds at night. I can't be sure whether that was the person down below just watching the telly or listening to the radio - but it did sort of mix in with my strange mindset at that time.

I'm usually loathe to discuss that little spell of my life, because I'm actually, as you might imagine, a bit sort of ashamed about it and worried what people will think. It was a very brief spell, and has never recurred in any guise, except mildly when I've been high on certain substances, on my own and sleep deprived. For whatever reason, I'm a lot more at ease talking about the bouts of depression I've passed through in my short time.

That's pretty much what my experiences are. They didn't bother me when I just to smoke weed all the time, but when I'm not stoned they terrify me. When I was 15 I would read a book until 3 in the morning, I would continue to read past that hour because I believed it was the 'devils hour'. If I tried to sleep through it Id go mad.

I understand that muffled noses usually aren't what our minds presume what they are, but lately they've just been screams--maybe last night they wre for once, but on every other occasion they've either been less conspicuous that I thought or not existent

Depression is fun I think I have the early onset of it once again. Since the age of 12 I've had it 1-2 times for 2-3 months a year.

Edit: Manchester isn't very local I'm afraid :-|

[lordpasternack]

That's pretty much what my experiences are. They didn't bother me when I just to smoke weed all the time, but when I'm not stoned they terrify me. When I was 15 I would read a book until 3 in the morning, I would continue to read past that hour because I believed it was the 'devils hour'. If I tried to sleep through it Id go mad.

I think your experiences have been slightly more intensified than mine - and most likely because of the cannabis, and perhaps other factors.

I didn't really try cannabis until I was about 16 or thereabouts, and have never been a heavy user - and it's been documented that excessive use of cannabis during adolescence does predispose people more to bouts of some form of psychosis or hallucination. According to what I've read on the matter, there is virtually nothing in the way of risk of adult users developing cannabis-induced psychosis - but the teenage years, while the brain is making the finishing touches in shaping its adult form - are high risk for any drug-induced damage.

Depression is fun I think I have the early onset of it once again. Since the age of 12 I've had it 1-2 times for 2-3 months a year.

It isn't exactly fun. I had a few really bad spells in my mid-late teens. Much improved these days, mostly.

Have you been to the doctor to see about diagnosis, medication, or therapy? That's a bit rich coming from me, since I never have - but it might be more advisable in your case given how heavy this might be getting. You do seem to have a mix of psychological foibles going on that could be doing with some looking at.

I'm very cool about talking about this stuff generally, as you can see, since I went through a phase of being into psychiatry (partly prompted by my own experiences), and have gained a kind of tolerance, and almost celebratory feeling, for the diversity and occasional oddness of how people's brains work. As it also happens, I have a friend who was once given meds for depression by one doctor, and meds for insomnia or something by another doctor - and the mix of these two medications triggered a full on bout of mania that actually landed him a short stay in a mental institution.

He was never diagnosed manic depressive or anything - and I think he's in one of those shades of grey - like the numerous psychological phenotypes that float on the borderline of any cerebral condition you care to mention. Every person, I think, has their own share of the traits that make up all mental conditions - of course they do - if these traits didn't exist in the population at large, then they'd never manifest in their extreme amplified forms in the few who fall within the official diagnostic guides.

Anyway, I'm rambling (as per usual). I also have my ex-partner who has been into neurology for the past few years - and you can see this little piece on his site on the background of his current project, and what he's up to: http://www.dipoleneurology.org.uk/1.%20 ... round.html

Edit: Manchester isn't very local I'm afraid :-|

Can you not catch a train? :-|

[Lozzer]

It isn't exactly fun. I had a few really bad spells in my mid-late teens. Much improved these days, mostly.

Have you been to the doctor to see about diagnosis, medication, or therapy? That's a bit rich coming from me, since I never have - but it might be more advisable in your case given how heavy this might be getting. You do seem to have a mix of psychological foibles going on that could be doing with some looking at.

I'm very cool about talking about this stuff generally, as you can see, since I went through a phase of being into psychiatry (partly prompted by my own experiences), and have gained a kind of tolerance, and almost celebratory feeling, for the diversity and occasional oddness of how people's brains work. As it also happens, I have a friend who was once given meds for depression by one doctor, and meds for insomnia or something by another doctor - and the mix of these two medications triggered a full on bout of mania that actually landed him a short stay in a mental institution.

He was never diagnosed manic depressive or anything - and I think he's in one of those shades of grey - like the numerous psychological phenotypes that float on the borderline of any cerebral condition you care to mention. Every person, I think, has their own share of the traits that make up all mental conditions - of course they do - if these traits didn't exist in the population at large, then they'd never manifest in their extreme amplified forms in the few who fall within the official diagnostic guides.

Anyway, I'm rambling (as per usual). I also have my ex-partner who has been into neurology for the past few years - and you can see this little piece on his site on the background of his current project, and what he's up to: http://www.dipoleneurology.org.uk/1.%20 ... round.html

Well hopefully I'll be going to the doctors sometime this week anyway, it would appear that I'm probably on the ASD scope and I need confirmation. This would explain my anxiety, depression and other things throughout my early teen years.

Can you not catch a train? :-|

Entirely possible if I had the money, but unfortunately I'm penniless, dependant and lazy.

[Xamonas Chegwé]

It isn't exactly fun. I had a few really bad spells in my mid-late teens. Much improved these days, mostly.

Have you been to the doctor to see about diagnosis, medication, or therapy? That's a bit rich coming from me, since I never have - but it might be more advisable in your case given how heavy this might be getting. You do seem to have a mix of psychological foibles going on that could be doing with some looking at.

I'm very cool about talking about this stuff generally, as you can see, since I went through a phase of being into psychiatry (partly prompted by my own experiences), and have gained a kind of tolerance, and almost celebratory feeling, for the diversity and occasional oddness of how people's brains work. As it also happens, I have a friend who was once given meds for depression by one doctor, and meds for insomnia or something by another doctor - and the mix of these two medications triggered a full on bout of mania that actually landed him a short stay in a mental institution.

He was never diagnosed manic depressive or anything - and I think he's in one of those shades of grey - like the numerous psychological phenotypes that float on the borderline of any cerebral condition you care to mention. Every person, I think, has their own share of the traits that make up all mental conditions - of course they do - if these traits didn't exist in the population at large, then they'd never manifest in their extreme amplified forms in the few who fall within the official diagnostic guides.

Anyway, I'm rambling (as per usual). I also have my ex-partner who has been into neurology for the past few years - and you can see this little piece on his site on the background of his current project, and what he's up to: http://www.dipoleneurology.org.uk/1.%20 ... round.html
l

Well hopefully I'll be going to the doctors sometime this week anyway, it would appear that I'm probably on the ASD scope and I need confirmation. This would explain my anxiety, depression and other things throughout my early teen years.

Your ex must have been bladdered

Can you not catch a train? :-|

Entirely possible if I had the money, but unfortunately I'm penniless, dependant and lazy.

So hitchhike. Where are you anyway? Maybe someone could give you a lift?

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Entirely possible if I had the money, but unfortunately I'm penniless, dependant and lazy.

I'll send you money for round trip ticket.

[Lozzer]

It isn't exactly fun. I had a few really bad spells in my mid-late teens. Much improved these days, mostly.

Have you been to the doctor to see about diagnosis, medication, or therapy? That's a bit rich coming from me, since I never have - but it might be more advisable in your case given how heavy this might be getting. You do seem to have a mix of psychological foibles going on that could be doing with some looking at.

I'm very cool about talking about this stuff generally, as you can see, since I went through a phase of being into psychiatry (partly prompted by my own experiences), and have gained a kind of tolerance, and almost celebratory feeling, for the diversity and occasional oddness of how people's brains work. As it also happens, I have a friend who was once given meds for depression by one doctor, and meds for insomnia or something by another doctor - and the mix of these two medications triggered a full on bout of mania that actually landed him a short stay in a mental institution.

He was never diagnosed manic depressive or anything - and I think he's in one of those shades of grey - like the numerous psychological phenotypes that float on the borderline of any cerebral condition you care to mention. Every person, I think, has their own share of the traits that make up all mental conditions - of course they do - if these traits didn't exist in the population at large, then they'd never manifest in their extreme amplified forms in the few who fall within the official diagnostic guides.

Anyway, I'm rambling (as per usual). I also have my ex-partner who has been into neurology for the past few years - and you can see this little piece on his site on the background of his current project, and what he's up to: http://www.dipoleneurology.org.uk/1.%20 ... round.html

Well hopefully I'll be going to the doctors sometime this week anyway, it would appear that I'm probably on the ASD scope and I need confirmation. This would explain my anxiety, depression and other things throughout my early teen years.

Your ex must have been bladdered

Can you not catch a train? :-|

Entirely possible if I had the money, but unfortunately I'm penniless, dependant and lazy.

So hitchhike. Where are you anyway? Maybe someone could give you a lift?

I'm in my house(?)

[Xamonas Chegwé]

It isn't exactly fun. I had a few really bad spells in my mid-late teens. Much improved these days, mostly.

Have you been to the doctor to see about diagnosis, medication, or therapy? That's a bit rich coming from me, since I never have - but it might be more advisable in your case given how heavy this might be getting. You do seem to have a mix of psychological foibles going on that could be doing with some looking at.

I'm very cool about talking about this stuff generally, as you can see, since I went through a phase of being into psychiatry (partly prompted by my own experiences), and have gained a kind of tolerance, and almost celebratory feeling, for the diversity and occasional oddness of how people's brains work. As it also happens, I have a friend who was once given meds for depression by one doctor, and meds for insomnia or something by another doctor - and the mix of these two medications triggered a full on bout of mania that actually landed him a short stay in a mental institution.

He was never diagnosed manic depressive or anything - and I think he's in one of those shades of grey - like the numerous psychological phenotypes that float on the borderline of any cerebral condition you care to mention. Every person, I think, has their own share of the traits that make up all mental conditions - of course they do - if these traits didn't exist in the population at large, then they'd never manifest in their extreme amplified forms in the few who fall within the official diagnostic guides.

Anyway, I'm rambling (as per usual). I also have my ex-partner who has been into neurology for the past few years - and you can see this little piece on his site on the background of his current project, and what he's up to: http://www.dipoleneurology.org.uk/1.%20 ... round.html

Well hopefully I'll be going to the doctors sometime this week anyway, it would appear that I'm probably on the ASD scope and I need confirmation. This would explain my anxiety, depression and other things throughout my early teen years.

Your ex must have been bladdered

Can you not catch a train? :-|

Entirely possible if I had the money, but unfortunately I'm penniless, dependant and lazy.

So hitchhike. Where are you anyway? Maybe someone could give you a lift?

I'm in my house(?)

Nope - GPS says 'location not recognised'. A county would do.

[lordpasternack]

Well hopefully I'll be going to the doctors sometime this week anyway, it would appear that I'm probably on the ASD scope and I need confirmation. This would explain my anxiety, depression and other things throughout my early teen years.

Yeah - most of my little mental demons I eventually discovered to be comorbid in some way with autistic spectrum traits. I'm not too sure about hallucinating or paranoia though...

It's such a strange feeling having so much of these little quirks you have, that you would always have considered to be quite unrelated, explained by some particular mental phenotype - by what is some finite grouping of genes that are identified as producing varying shades of these distinct traits that you have. And not only that - but finding out that some of the stupid little idiosyncratic physical actions that you perform are also quite unique to this grouping. Very specific actions - and all these people with these same particular genes as you - are doing the same things, without being taught or influenced to do them. Opens all kinds of cans of worms with respect to Free Will and Determinism...

All my life I had flapped my hands when excited, and was hardly even consciously aware of it - except one time I remember sitting on the loo when I was about 15 and had just read a Desmond Morris book, and I had a quiet thought to myself about what my hands were up to. And then one time I was just browsing YouTube watching kids with Asperger's and I saw this kid flapping and thought: "What the fuck - I do that!" That, and other forms of stimming... I just got this stark realisation that I most certainly was not the only one, and what I was doing was associated with my mental phenotype - my genes.

Like I said, though, I know full well that my brain is in a grey area. I have traits, but definitely not the diagnosable condition.

Entirely possible if I had the money, but unfortunately I'm penniless, dependant and lazy.

Thought of becoming a male escort? Market yourself to intellectual women looking for a toyboy? Get paid for doing something you enjoy?

[RPizzle]

One thing that does worry me, which may be a causative factor for you was the weed. I smoked from the beginning of college until the end of my junior year, in great quantities. It was only after a number of years that I realized the breadth of the mental changes that occurred with constant use. I slowly became irrationally paranoid. While smoking I was less paranoid and crazy, but that's the rub. It sort of became a self-sustaining cycle. I'd smoke to feel less paranoid, but my overall level of paranoia would very slowly increase.

I'd honestly stop smoking first to see if it impacts you. After a few months, I felt the mental haze begin to clear, and I haven't felt the need to smoke again since. In fact, I'll go so far as to say, that I'm almost conditioned against it due to the experience. Some can smoke for years and years without any effect, but for me, it slowly became far more negative than positive in effect. I have no known propensity towards any sort of mental conditions, but if I continued I could see how such a thing could manifest. One could become trapped in their own inner world, similar to the faux-dissociation of mushrooms. All in all, very scary.

Edit: I'll also add that once I started to get out and about in college, whether it be playing rugby, partying, womanizing, or hanging out with my seven other roommates, these issues became overall less important. It is true that it did reach a point which lead me to stop, but the issue only became vastly more important when I was alone and unoccupied.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

It isn't exactly fun. I had a few really bad spells in my mid-late teens. Much improved these days, mostly.

Have you been to the doctor to see about diagnosis, medication, or therapy? That's a bit rich coming from me, since I never have - but it might be more advisable in your case given how heavy this might be getting. You do seem to have a mix of psychological foibles going on that could be doing with some looking at.

I'm very cool about talking about this stuff generally, as you can see, since I went through a phase of being into psychiatry (partly prompted by my own experiences), and have gained a kind of tolerance, and almost celebratory feeling, for the diversity and occasional oddness of how people's brains work. As it also happens, I have a friend who was once given meds for depression by one doctor, and meds for insomnia or something by another doctor - and the mix of these two medications triggered a full on bout of mania that actually landed him a short stay in a mental institution.

He was never diagnosed manic depressive or anything - and I think he's in one of those shades of grey - like the numerous psychological phenotypes that float on the borderline of any cerebral condition you care to mention. Every person, I think, has their own share of the traits that make up all mental conditions - of course they do - if these traits didn't exist in the population at large, then they'd never manifest in their extreme amplified forms in the few who fall within the official diagnostic guides.

Anyway, I'm rambling (as per usual). I also have my ex-partner who has been into neurology for the past few years - and you can see this little piece on his site on the background of his current project, and what he's up to: http://www.dipoleneurology.org.uk/1.%20 ... round.html

Well hopefully I'll be going to the doctors sometime this week anyway, it would appear that I'm probably on the ASD scope and I need confirmation. This would explain my anxiety, depression and other things throughout my early teen years.

Your ex must have been bladdered

Can you not catch a train? :-|

Entirely possible if I had the money, but unfortunately I'm penniless, dependant and lazy.

So hitchhike. Where are you anyway? Maybe someone could give you a lift?

[charlou]

Entirely possible if I had the money, but unfortunately I'm penniless, dependant and lazy.

I'll send you money for round trip ticket.

You're a big ol' sweetie.

[Rum]

Lozz, Mental 'difficulties' are very common in teenage years. I suffered terribly and developed quite acute anxiety, which as I have posted elsewhere was made much worse in my late teens and early twenties by smoking dope. If you are still smoking it I would try giving it a rest or quitting for a few months to see if you feel better.

You are not 'mad' in the sense you may mean I am sure. As someone with working knowledge of psychiatric disorders you don't show any signs in anything you have written which would indicate disordered or delusional thinking. The rages and rants you sometimes bring here seem to be, if over the top - at least within the context of your social life and its norms.

If you are seeing your doctor he will be reluctant to prescribe medication other than perhaps anti--depressants. Personally I would avoid them but that's up to you. Stop the dope and get out more!

[Lozzer]

Lozz, Mental 'difficulties' are very common in teenage years. I suffered terribly and developed quite acute anxiety, which as I have posted elsewhere was made much worse in my late teens and early twenties by smoking dope. If you are still smoking it I would try giving it a rest or quitting for a few months to see if you feel better.

You are not 'mad' in the sense you may mean I am sure. As someone with working knowledge of psychiatric disorders you don't show any signs in anything you have written which would indicate disordered or delusional thinking. The rages and rants you sometimes bring here seem to be, if over the top - at least within the context of your social life and its norms.

If you are seeing your doctor he will be reluctant to prescribe medication other than perhaps anti--depressants. Personally I would avoid them but that's up to you. Stop the dope and get out more!

I agree, especially with the last sentiment. I don't really smoke dope often anyway and when I do it just turns me into this:


A confused vagrant.

But jeez I do need to go out more. I just don't know anyone any more though