Why I Have Become A Christian

[cronus]

I've seen a light. Been in darkness. Hopeless and lost. Now I've seen a light. Won't preach. My sinning list is long and was way out of hand. Needed forgiveness. Asked Jesus. This is what he said. He said 'Scump. You are the sheep that was lost. I'm so pleased to have found you.' Then that was it. I'd been forgiven. And he didn't even ask about the other larger list of sins I'd thrown away in the waste paper basket. Result.

[tattuchu]

That wasn't Jesus. That was a Welshman. You're fucked now.

[rachelbean]

Cool story, bro.

[mistermack]

Did he say anything about going forth, and multiplying?

If he did, can you ask him to point me in the right direction? I wouldn't mind helping out, but I need to know where to look.

[klr]

I've seen a light. Been in darkness. Hopeless and lost. Now I've seen a light. Won't preach. My sinning list is long and was way out of hand. Needed forgiveness. Asked Jesus. This is what he said. He said 'Scump. You are the sheep that was lost. I'm so pleased to have found you.' Then that was it. I'd been forgiven. And he didn't even ask about the other larger list of sins I'd thrown away in the waste paper basket. Result.

How many times is it now that you've seen the light?

[cronus]

I've seen a light. Been in darkness. Hopeless and lost. Now I've seen a light. Won't preach. My sinning list is long and was way out of hand. Needed forgiveness. Asked Jesus. This is what he said. He said 'Scump. You are the sheep that was lost. I'm so pleased to have found you.' Then that was it. I'd been forgiven. And he didn't even ask about the other larger list of sins I'd thrown away in the waste paper basket. Result.

How many times is it now that you've seen the light?

Appears in the window each morning Doctor. Can you help me with that? Wasn't there when I went to sleep.

[Tero]

Get tested for all VDs. You never know.

Also, parasites in the brain often appear as Jesus.

[Mark Dreher]

I've seen a light. Been in darkness. Hopeless and lost. Now I've seen a light. Won't preach. My sinning list is long and was way out of hand. Needed forgiveness. Asked Jesus. This is what he said. He said 'Scump. You are the sheep that was lost. I'm so pleased to have found you.' Then that was it. I'd been forgiven. And he didn't even ask about the other larger list of sins I'd thrown away in the waste paper basket. Result.

Wonderful news!! My goodness, it's painless, to be a Christian, just requires grace, church attendance or by tv/computer, and fidelity.

If you can do that? God or I could ask for no more.

I swear, and, "God swears", "you, you, you, "Are going to Heaven".

Right now. And NOT because "you received Absolution", the other day, and your sins are forgiven.

You NNNNNNNNNNEVER Sinned,,

You don't understand, the Shekinah "set you up" Most of your life, especially recently. "Your every move?" She moved you, mostly.

About "the last 8 years", you "have no sin", "have no control", therefore..

Totally guilt free.

[Mark Dreher]

Get tested for all VDs. You never know.

Also, parasites in the brain often appear as Jesus.

Yes, I agree to do that.

Signed,

Mark Dreher

[JimC]

"I have become a little lamb for Jesus"

Wait, why the fuck is he bringing that bottle of mint sauce...

[Mark Dreher]

"I have become a little lamb for Jesus"

Wait, why the fuck is he bringing that bottle of mint sauce...

I don't know. My breath isn't too bad. Just looking for perfect teeth. For my precious.

You look at that, all day, we should really make the investment.

[piscator]

I've seen a light. Been in darkness. Hopeless and lost. Now I've seen a light. Won't preach. My sinning list is long and was way out of hand. Needed forgiveness. Asked Jesus. This is what he said. He said 'Scump. You are the sheep that was lost. I'm so pleased to have found you.' Then that was it. I'd been forgiven. And he didn't even ask about the other larger list of sins I'd thrown away in the waste paper basket. Result.

Even that liquor store you knocked over in Yazoo City?

Happy Saturnalia!

[Mark Dreher]

I've seen a light. Been in darkness. Hopeless and lost. Now I've seen a light. Won't preach. My sinning list is long and was way out of hand. Needed forgiveness. Asked Jesus. This is what he said. He said 'Scump. You are the sheep that was lost. I'm so pleased to have found you.' Then that was it. I'd been forgiven. And he didn't even ask about the other larger list of sins I'd thrown away in the waste paper basket. Result.

Even that liquor store you knocked over in Yazoo City?

Happy Saturnalia!

Happy spatula to you.

Yazoo City? We don't talk about that.

Next question.

[pErvinalia]

I'd like to be a happy-clappy Christian. Surely it's got to be better than being an unhappy nihilist atheist cuntbag.

[Mark Dreher]

I'd like to be a happy-clappy Christian. Surely it's got to be better than being an unhappy nihilist atheist cuntbag.

Sweetie, "there are meds" I can take, to help prevent me, from trouble.

I don't think, they will work, personally "the way, we go at it".

i.e. normally.

I don't see how, they could.

But Shekinah says, to "do that", get the meds.

Eventually, expect trouble, then "get the next meds".

For that.

No problem.

I will do that? For you? Without a blink.

Without a moments hesitation.

That, is "the course of affairs", as I understand.

And it really "will be cured, in 12 years", completely.

So? It is actually, "all good".

All good.

All good.