Where is the sacred foreskin now?

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mistermack
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Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by mistermack » Mon Apr 21, 2014 12:54 pm

In the middle ages, there were several ''holy foreskins of Jesus''. They were big business for the church.
Sounds odd, but as Jesus ''ascended'' into heaven bodily, there could be no bones to keep, and the foreskin was the only possible actual body part of Jesus that could still exist on earth.

It looks to me like the main one was really ''stolen'' by the church, because it was beginning to look silly, and could have led to dna testing and even cloning.

I'll bet it's somewhere in the vatican, still centre stage in some of their weird private rites.

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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by Hermit » Mon Apr 21, 2014 2:54 pm

Allegedly holy relics in general were a huge business. Voltaire quipped that if all the pieces of the cross JayCee was executed on, and all the nails used to pin him to it, were gathered into one place, there'd be enough material to build an entire navy.
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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by mistermack » Mon Apr 21, 2014 4:41 pm

Hermit wrote:Allegedly holy relics in general were a huge business. Voltaire quipped that if all the pieces of the cross JayCee was executed on, and all the nails used to pin him to it, were gathered into one place, there'd be enough material to build an entire navy.
And apparently enough foreskins to build a donkey.
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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by Tero » Mon Apr 21, 2014 5:18 pm

Seeing as Jesus was nothing special as a boy...the nativity scrne is myth, as is Jesus....the rabbi would have collected it. If the rabbi collected all the foreskins of his career, he could sew a nice thin lightweight rain coat. But you preserved them in ethanol while waiting.

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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by JimC » Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:03 pm

"By the Holy Foreskin of Christ", Saint Percy exclaimed!
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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by Blind groper » Fri Apr 25, 2014 3:47 am

Foreskins need to be sewn into a small wallet. Then if you need a larger bag, just stroke it.

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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by JacksSmirkingRevenge » Fri Apr 25, 2014 4:07 am

Björn Borg bought it.

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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by rainbow » Fri Apr 25, 2014 9:13 am

mistermack wrote:In the middle ages, there were several ''holy foreskins of Jesus''. They were big business for the church.
Sounds odd, but as Jesus ''ascended'' into heaven bodily, there could be no bones to keep, and the foreskin was the only possible actual body part of Jesus that could still exist on earth.

It looks to me like the main one was really ''stolen'' by the church, because it was beginning to look silly, and could have led to dna testing and even cloning.

I'll bet it's somewhere in the vatican, still centre stage in some of their weird private rites.

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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by Faithfree » Fri Apr 25, 2014 12:58 pm

JacksSmirkingRevenge wrote:Björn Borg bought it.

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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by Animavore » Fri Apr 25, 2014 1:03 pm

It's not stretched at all. 'Tis a godly cock indeed.
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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by MrFungus420 » Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:05 am

mistermack wrote:
Hermit wrote:Allegedly holy relics in general were a huge business. Voltaire quipped that if all the pieces of the cross JayCee was executed on, and all the nails used to pin him to it, were gathered into one place, there'd be enough material to build an entire navy.
And apparently enough foreskins to build a donkey.
Silly....

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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by mistermack » Fri May 02, 2014 9:27 pm

It's a true fact that whalers used to make jackets out of the foreskins of whales. They were particularly effective for keeping the wind and blood out, as they had no seams.

That was in the days when whaling was allowed. Now, it's still possible if you circumcise the whale.
But it's a tricky operation which involves four skindivers.
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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by Mysturji » Wed May 21, 2014 2:25 pm

Tero wrote:Seeing as Jesus was nothing special as a boy...the nativity scrne is myth, as is Jesus....the rabbi would have collected it. If the rabbi collected all the foreskins of his career, he could sew a nice thin lightweight rain coat. But you preserved them in ethanol while waiting.
A rabbi goes to visit a tanner (leatherworker)
Rabbi: "Mr Tanner, I want you to make me a wallet out of all these foreskins I have collected in my career as a Rabbi."
Tanner: "Certainly Rabbi! Come back in one week."
(One week later)
Rabbi: Hello Mr. Tanner. Is my wallet ready?"
Tanner: "Oh, so much more than that, Rabbi. Look." (Offers wallet to Rabbi)
Rabbi: "It is beautiful, Mr. Tanner! The stitching! The detail!"
Tanner: "It is much more that that Rabbi! This is a very special wallet!"
Rabbi: How so, Mr. Tanner?"
Tanner: "If you rub it gently, it becomes a suitcase!"
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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by Hermit » Wed May 21, 2014 2:28 pm

Yabut then it springs a leak.
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Re: Where is the sacred foreskin now?

Post by Faithfree » Wed May 21, 2014 3:30 pm

The foreskin was worth a bit in the old days:

1 Samuel 18:25 "And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines."

1 Samuel 18:27: "Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife."
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