Is trust the basis of friendship?

[FBM]

If there are many levels of trust, empathy and mutual need fulfilment, it could be that there are many levels and types/styles of friendship? I feel that FBM's comment is true that acquaintance precedes friendship and the change from one to the other is a positive reinforcement cycle.

Do you agree that it's usually 1) acquaintance, 2) friendship and then 3) trust?

[FBM]

Maybe I am too trusting but I generally trust people until they show they don't deserve it, I may be lucky but so far because there haven't been many occasions in my life where it's come back to bite me on the arse.

Wish I could say the same. My own brother scammed me out of my college savings before I turned 20. I persevered in trusting but kept taking it up the arse in one way or another over the years. An Episcopal priest even tried to get me to suck his dick during a counseling session. That was the end of Christianity for me. I did eventually become cynical, and when above-mentioned brother was murdered in a drug deal (perhaps fabricated by police, but we'll never know), my reaction was, 'Well, that makes humanity a little cleaner.'

I'm a lot mellower now. I neither trust nor distrust very much. As much as possible, I keep to myself, and if I manage to run into a few others with whom I can relax and harmonize, that's enough. Trust? I only extend it when it's either trivial or there's no alternative.

[The Curious Squid]

Maybe I am too trusting but I generally trust people until they show they don't deserve it, I may be lucky but so far because there haven't been many occasions in my life where it's come back to bite me on the arse.

Wish I could say the same. My own brother scammed me out of my college savings before I turned 20. I persevered in trusting but kept taking it up the arse in one way or another over the years. An Episcopal priest even tried to get me to suck his dick during a counseling session. That was the end of Christianity for me. I did eventually become cynical, and when above-mentioned brother was murdered in a drug deal (perhaps fabricated by police, but we'll never know), my reaction was, 'Well, that makes humanity a little cleaner.'

I'm a lot mellower now. I neither trust nor distrust very much. As much as possible, I keep to myself, and if I manage to run into a few others with whom I can relax and harmonize, that's enough. Trust? I only extend it when it's either trivial or there's no alternative.

I'd hate to be that way, I think a lot of the friendships I've had over the years are a lot closer because I am more trusting than a lot of the people I meet, you can see people are taken back sometimes (in a good way) when I'll make an offer that is quite trusting and it usually makes people more inclined to trust me in return after I've made the first step. (or so I hope)

[FBM]

I'd hate to be that way, I think a lot of the friendships I've had over the years are a lot closer because I am more trusting than a lot of the people I meet, you can see people are taken back sometimes (in a good way) when I'll make an offer that is quite trusting and it usually makes people more inclined to trust me in return after I've made the first step. (or so I hope)

Certainly! And when I meet someone like that (you), I extend trust very easily and gladly. I'm just saying that on the average I neither trust nor distrust anyone without something to go on. Trust, in general, has a pretty small role in my day-to-day existence, even with my close friends. I take care of myself, try hard not to be a burden on anyone, and if one of them needs help, I give it. When I give it, I do so with no expectation of payback. If they pay me back, fine. If they don't, fine. If someone turns into a serial mooch, however...well, there's a reasonable limit.

[The Curious Squid]

I'd hate to be that way, I think a lot of the friendships I've had over the years are a lot closer because I am more trusting than a lot of the people I meet, you can see people are taken back sometimes (in a good way) when I'll make an offer that is quite trusting and it usually makes people more inclined to trust me in return after I've made the first step. (or so I hope)

Certainly! And when I meet someone like that (you), I extend trust very easily and gladly. I'm just saying that on the average I neither trust nor distrust anyone without something to go on. Trust, in general, has a pretty small role in my day-to-day existence, even with my close friends. I take care of myself, try hard not to be a burden on anyone, and if one of them needs help, I give it. When I give it, I do so with no expectation of payback. If they pay me back, fine. If they don't, fine. If someone turns into a serial mooch, however...well, there's a reasonable limit.

I see where this is going

I'll send you stuff from Scotland, don't worry

[FBM]

I see where this is going

I'll send you stuff from Scotland, don't worry

No, that's not where that was going. I wasn't even talking about money or material goods so much. I was talking more interpersonally.























but you're gonna send a small dab of real, no-shit scotch when it's convenient, right? ^^^

[CJ]

If there are many levels of trust, empathy and mutual need fulfilment, it could be that there are many levels and types/styles of friendship? I feel that FBM's comment is true that acquaintance precedes friendship and the change from one to the other is a positive reinforcement cycle.

Do you agree that it's usually 1) acquaintance, 2) friendship and then 3) trust?

I sort of agree. For me it's sort of 12323232323... in an increasing cycle. But there does need to be the empathic connection to 'seal' the friendship as it were. But I would now say that trust is one of the pillars upon which a solid friendship is based. I would, at this point in the discussion, add empathy. I'm not sure if mutuality would also fit into the equation? What about emotional attachment. We have a word love which in the case of friendship is far too strong a word to use, what word should one use in place of love with regard to friendship or is friendship the word I am looking for?

[JacksSmirkingRevenge]

Hi CJ, good to see you back.

We have a word love which in the case of friendship is far too strong a word to use, what word should one use in place of love with regard to friendship or is friendship the word I am looking for?

In the case of 'proper' friendship I don't think 'love' is too strong a word at all. I have at least one friend whom I could say I loved and that the feeling was reciprocated.
- Of course we don't go around actually speaking about it in those terms.

[Pappa]

Hi CJ, good to see you back.

We have a word love which in the case of friendship is far too strong a word to use, what word should one use in place of love with regard to friendship or is friendship the word I am looking for?

In the case of 'proper' friendship I don't think 'love' is too strong a word at all. I have at least one friend whom I could say I loved and that the feeling was reciprocated.
- Of course we don't go around actually speaking about it in those terms.

I have a few friends that I would say I love - both same and opposite sex. I'm not adverse to telling my friends I love them either.

[CJ]

Hi CJ, good to see you back.

We have a word love which in the case of friendship is far too strong a word to use, what word should one use in place of love with regard to friendship or is friendship the word I am looking for?

In the case of 'proper' friendship I don't think 'love' is too strong a word at all. I have at least one friend whom I could say I loved and that the feeling was reciprocated.
- Of course we don't go around actually speaking about it in those terms.

I have a few friends that I would say I love - both same and opposite sex. I'm not adverse to telling my friends I love them either.

I don't think I have ever 'loved' another male, not saying I couldn't and I'm sure I would remember if I had. The strongest I have ever felt for a guy would have been Paul, the guy I went to Romania with in '93. The situation was very stressful and he's the only man who has hugged me while I balled my eyes out. However I never really called him friend and also I never really trusted him either, I always felt he would sell his granny for a profit if he could and wouldn't hesitate to 'put one over' on anybody if he felt it would advance him in some way. Yet he was the guy who organised the trip to Romania in the first place. Funny remembering that all these years later.

[CJ]

Hi CJ, good to see you back.

You to. Not that I went too far for too long Real life can't be ignored sometimes and this place is addictive if one lets it become so.

[Xamonas Chegwé]

I think there is a point where friendship becomes so strong that it is love - but not romantic love - not the kind of love that makes you rip someone's clothes off on the top deck of a bus - not love mixed with lust. It is more like the love of a couple that have shared a lot together but don't really want to shag each other that often - or brotherly, motherly or otherly love.

I think that once a friend gets that close that they can hurt you by leaving, then it is love.

[Pappa]

I don't think I have ever 'loved' another male, not saying I couldn't and I'm sure I would remember if I had. The strongest I have ever felt for a guy would have been Paul, the guy I went to Romania with in '93. The situation was very stressful and he's the only man who has hugged me while I balled my eyes out. However I never really called him friend and also I never really trusted him either, I always felt he would sell his granny for a profit if he could and wouldn't hesitate to 'put one over' on anybody if he felt it would advance him in some way. Yet he was the guy who organised the trip to Romania in the first place. Funny remembering that all these years later.

I used to do E with some of my closest mates... you get used to telling your friends you love them.

Luckily, the boundaries that break down on E often seem to stay down later... and I do feel very close to a couple of my closest male friends because of that - and feeling close to female friends is pretty easy for me too, I'm generally more open and close with female friends (though I don't have many outside the forum since got married).

[Ayaan]

I think there is a point where friendship becomes so strong that it is love - but not romantic love - not the kind of love that makes you rip someone's clothes off on the top deck of a bus - not love mixed with lust. It is more like the love of a couple that have shared a lot together but don't really want to shag each other that often - or brotherly, motherly or otherly love.

I think that once a friend gets that close that they can hurt you by leaving, then it is love.

I have friends like that. The word love, with it's overtones of romance and everything that go with it, is not the best one to use, but English doesn't have a word that fits the situation.

Friends in that catagory know more about me than even my family.

[CJ]

{snip} but English doesn't have a word that fits the situation.

I agree with this, we don't really have the vocabulary in English to express the nuances that we are trying to reveal in this discussion