Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post Reply
User avatar
JacksSmirkingRevenge
Grand Wazoo
Posts: 13516
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:56 pm
About me: Half man - half yak.
Location: Perfidious Albion
Contact:
Contact JacksSmirkingRevenge

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by JacksSmirkingRevenge » Tue Sep 17, 2013 2:22 am

PC Ian Reed from Norfolk Police Some sap from special branch said Mrs Howes was "incredibly lucky" to escape what "could have easily been a fatal incident".
Sent from my Interositor using Twatatalk.
Top
User avatar
JimC
The sentimental bloke
Posts: 74306
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 7:58 am
About me: To be serious about gin requires years of dedicated research.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:
Contact JimC

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by JimC » Tue Sep 17, 2013 2:35 am

laklak wrote:In order to stem the tide of arboreal violence we must first determine the roots of the problem, then nip it in the bud.
Azathoth wrote:FFS. They actually paid someone money to write that drivel
That's a bit rude to laklak! :shock:

(and I didn't know rationalia was paying him to post...) :think:
JacksSmirkingRevenge wrote:
PC Ian Reed from Norfolk Police Some sap from special branch said Mrs Howes was "incredibly lucky" to escape what "could have easily been a fatal incident".
:funny:
Nurse, where the fuck's my cardigan?
And my gin!
Top
User avatar
Xamonas Chegwé
Bouncer
Bouncer
Posts: 50939
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:23 pm
About me: I have prehensile eyebrows.
I speak 9 languages fluently, one of which other people can also speak.
When backed into a corner, I fit perfectly - having a right-angled arse.
Location: Nottingham UK
Contact:
Contact Xamonas Chegwé

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by Xamonas Chegwé » Tue Sep 17, 2013 2:50 am

Azathoth wrote:FFS. They actually paid someone money to write that drivel
I know. Slow news week, or what! :hehe:

I'd ring up and complain but I can't afford a trunk call. :tea:
A book is a version of the world. If you do not like it, ignore it; or offer your own version in return.
Salman Rushdie
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
House MD
Who needs a meaning anyway, I'd settle anyday for a very fine view.
Sandy Denny
This is the wrong forum for bluffing :nono:
Paco
Yes, yes. But first I need to show you this venomous fish!
Calilasseia
I think we should do whatever Pawiz wants.
Twoflower
Bella squats momentarily then waddles on still peeing, like a horse
Millefleur
Top
User avatar
Bella Fortuna
Sister Golden Hair
Posts: 79685
Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 11:45 am
About me: Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require.
Location: Scotlifornia
Contact:
Contact Bella Fortuna

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by Bella Fortuna » Tue Sep 17, 2013 3:08 am

Xamonas Chegwé wrote:
Azathoth wrote:FFS. They actually paid someone money to write that drivel
I know. Slow news week, or what! :hehe:

I'd ring up and complain but I can't afford conifer a trunk call. :tea:
Sent from my Bollocksberry using Crapatalk.
Image
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
Top
User avatar
Xamonas Chegwé
Bouncer
Bouncer
Posts: 50939
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:23 pm
About me: I have prehensile eyebrows.
I speak 9 languages fluently, one of which other people can also speak.
When backed into a corner, I fit perfectly - having a right-angled arse.
Location: Nottingham UK
Contact:
Contact Xamonas Chegwé

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by Xamonas Chegwé » Tue Sep 17, 2013 3:14 am

Well played, that Fortuna! :clap:

It's plane I have to spruce up my act to be as poplar as you! :tiphat:
A book is a version of the world. If you do not like it, ignore it; or offer your own version in return.
Salman Rushdie
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
House MD
Who needs a meaning anyway, I'd settle anyday for a very fine view.
Sandy Denny
This is the wrong forum for bluffing :nono:
Paco
Yes, yes. But first I need to show you this venomous fish!
Calilasseia
I think we should do whatever Pawiz wants.
Twoflower
Bella squats momentarily then waddles on still peeing, like a horse
Millefleur
Top
User avatar
Bella Fortuna
Sister Golden Hair
Posts: 79685
Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 11:45 am
About me: Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require.
Location: Scotlifornia
Contact:
Contact Bella Fortuna

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by Bella Fortuna » Tue Sep 17, 2013 3:25 am

Just don't bamboozle us! :mod:
Sent from my Bollocksberry using Crapatalk.
Image
Food, cooking, and disreputable nonsense: http://miscreantsdiner.blogspot.com/
Top
User avatar
Xamonas Chegwé
Bouncer
Bouncer
Posts: 50939
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:23 pm
About me: I have prehensile eyebrows.
I speak 9 languages fluently, one of which other people can also speak.
When backed into a corner, I fit perfectly - having a right-angled arse.
Location: Nottingham UK
Contact:
Contact Xamonas Chegwé

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by Xamonas Chegwé » Tue Sep 17, 2013 3:29 am

Bella Fortuna wrote:Just don't bamboozle us! :mod:
Bamboo is not a tree. It's a grass. :prof:
A book is a version of the world. If you do not like it, ignore it; or offer your own version in return.
Salman Rushdie
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
House MD
Who needs a meaning anyway, I'd settle anyday for a very fine view.
Sandy Denny
This is the wrong forum for bluffing :nono:
Paco
Yes, yes. But first I need to show you this venomous fish!
Calilasseia
I think we should do whatever Pawiz wants.
Twoflower
Bella squats momentarily then waddles on still peeing, like a horse
Millefleur
Top
User avatar
Cormac
Posts: 6415
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:47 pm
Contact:
Contact Cormac

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by Cormac » Tue Sep 17, 2013 3:43 am

You're all going to be in sooooo much trouble with the Apelusters. You'd probably better start your penance now.



Oh, er, and... oak, or something.
FUCKERPUNKERSHIT!


Wanna buy some pegs Dave, I've got some pegs here...
You're my wife now!
Top
User avatar
Xamonas Chegwé
Bouncer
Bouncer
Posts: 50939
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:23 pm
About me: I have prehensile eyebrows.
I speak 9 languages fluently, one of which other people can also speak.
When backed into a corner, I fit perfectly - having a right-angled arse.
Location: Nottingham UK
Contact:
Contact Xamonas Chegwé

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by Xamonas Chegwé » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:28 am

In further developments, it emerges that the tree accosted the woman once before, inviting her to come up for chestnuts when they were alone in a copse. And then, prior to the reported incident, he kept topping up the petrol in her car without asking.

In a statement, the tree pleaded diminished responsibility on account of being a Crack Willow. :tea:
A book is a version of the world. If you do not like it, ignore it; or offer your own version in return.
Salman Rushdie
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
House MD
Who needs a meaning anyway, I'd settle anyday for a very fine view.
Sandy Denny
This is the wrong forum for bluffing :nono:
Paco
Yes, yes. But first I need to show you this venomous fish!
Calilasseia
I think we should do whatever Pawiz wants.
Twoflower
Bella squats momentarily then waddles on still peeing, like a horse
Millefleur
Top
User avatar
SteveB
Nibbler
Posts: 7506
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2011 6:38 am
About me: The more you change the less you feel
Location: Potsville, BC, Canada
Contact:
Contact SteveB

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by SteveB » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:31 am

I hate pines.
Twit, twat, twaddle.
hadespussercats wrote:I've been de-sigged! :(
Top
User avatar
piscator
Posts: 4725
Joined: Sat Feb 27, 2010 8:11 am
Location: The Big BSOD
Contact:
Contact piscator

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by piscator » Tue Sep 17, 2013 6:02 am

I'm board.
Top
User avatar
Clinton Huxley
19th century monkeybitch.
Posts: 23746
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:34 pm
Contact:
Contact Clinton Huxley

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by Clinton Huxley » Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:03 am

Xamonas Chegwé wrote:In further developments, it emerges that the tree accosted the woman once before, inviting her to come up for chestnuts when they were alone in a copse. And then, prior to the reported incident, he kept topping up the petrol in her car without asking.

In a statement, the tree pleaded diminished responsibility on account of being a Crack Willow. :tea:
It was definitely in beech of its bail conditions. I can't see its plea that it was "just having a larch" going down too well with the judge.
"I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled"

AND MERRY XMAS TO ONE AND All!

Imagehttp://25kv.co.uk/date_counter.php?date ... 20counting!!![/img-sig]
Top
User avatar
JimC
The sentimental bloke
Posts: 74306
Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 7:58 am
About me: To be serious about gin requires years of dedicated research.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:
Contact JimC

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by JimC » Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:20 am

Clinton Huxley wrote:
Xamonas Chegwé wrote:In further developments, it emerges that the tree accosted the woman once before, inviting her to come up for chestnuts when they were alone in a copse. And then, prior to the reported incident, he kept topping up the petrol in her car without asking.

In a statement, the tree pleaded diminished responsibility on account of being a Crack Willow. :tea:
It was definitely in beech of its bail conditions. I can't see its plea that it was "just having a larch" going down too well with the judge.
Wouldn't make him poplar with a jury, either...
Nurse, where the fuck's my cardigan?
And my gin!
Top
User avatar
Clinton Huxley
19th century monkeybitch.
Posts: 23746
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:34 pm
Contact:
Contact Clinton Huxley

Re: Woman Survives Savage Attack (by a Tree!)

Post by Clinton Huxley » Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:30 am

Yew just have to take your chances with the court. Could be a long day, best have an alder breakfast before proceedings start.
"I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled"

AND MERRY XMAS TO ONE AND All!

Imagehttp://25kv.co.uk/date_counter.php?date ... 20counting!!![/img-sig]
Top
Post Reply

Return to “News, Current Events & Politics”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot], L'Emmerdeur and 30 guests