Women who complain about men who hit on women

[aspire1670]

Here we have it -- now, women who complain about men hitting on women or "creeping" are actually demeaning the women who don't get hit on by the creepers:

All this can leave women who tend not to be targeted by non-platonic male attention (positive or negative) with an odd sense of resentment. It was, for example, incredibly hard for me to be sympathetic with women complaining about how much harassment they experience when they issue universally-worded (but clearly not universally-applicable) warnings. Instead of feeling sympathy for their mistreatment, I would feel annoyed at their thoughtless overlooking of my femaleness. I had to fight the urge to think of them as somehow allied with their harassers in their shared inability to acknowledge the fact that I am also a woman.

Ditto for the exclamations of “Oh my glob, you didn’t know that [insert name here] is creepy! Ha! Duh, he’s a creeper!” All that the mocking of a woman who haven’t realized that a certain man has a reputation accomplishes is to point out that he hasn’t harassed her. There are better ways to potentially warn someone than to single them out as undesirable to someone (albeit a “creeper”). Mention that he has a reputation for lechery, perhaps, instead of declaring that he hits on all girls.

http://skepchick.org/2013/05/howwetalk/

Discuss why I fail at reading for comprehension.

Fify

[hadespussercats]

So in short "Ugly wimminz needs harrassments too!"

Looks like you stepped up to the plate.

[Trinity]

I have been mulling this over the last couple of days and thought I'd offer my two pence worth.
As a female who I see as someone who can look ugly as well as beautiful (depending on how I'm feeling, mainly) and just, well, plain (no oil painting, as my grandfather used to say) I have had a veritable mix of male attention. When I was in my teens, when I craved male attention, I rarely got it (my good looking friends had the lion's share) and this just compounded my already low self image. I would more often get derogatory remarks, regarding my flat-chestedness and my big nose and these comments I took to heart and affected me greatly. It wasn't until my mid twenties, when I had been in a relationship for a while and had my first child that my confidence grew slightly in my appearance and I guess that projected outwards as I got a lot of complimentary comments and offers of well, all sorts! It was flattering but it was water off a duck's back-those comments didn't make me feel any more attractive. However, it has only been over the last few years that I have come to a place in me where I really don't give a shit whether I get wolf-whistles or slagging offs as I am more comfortable with the way I look; hell, I'm not about to go and get plastic surgery to appease the amount of males who find cute noses and big tits the be all and and all of a woman. So, I may still wake up some days and look in the mirror and think I look fucking terrible, but it's only me I have to live with and only me I have to be happy with so I'm thankful for that. I'm done with the putting on a face (hair and make-up) for the world.

[Rum]

Well I have to say from the evidence of your karaoke vid you have nothing to fear on the attractiveness front if you don't mind me saying.

Here's another aspect to this.

It may be different now but when I was first of an age to date and have a girlfriend etc. the fear of rejection was huge - for me and my peers. One was afraid of coming on too strong, or not strong enough - or getting it totally wrong and cack handed. It was a hard thing to judge and not either come over as a crass overly aggressive horny male or on the other hand an utter wimp.

[Audley Strange]

So in short "Ugly wimminz needs harrassments too!"

Looks like you stepped up to the plate.

I don't know what that means.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

You volunteered.

[Audley Strange]

I have been mulling this over the last couple of days and thought I'd offer my two pence worth.
As a female who I see as someone who can look ugly as well as beautiful (depending on how I'm feeling, mainly) and just, well, plain (no oil painting, as my grandfather used to say) I have had a veritable mix of male attention. When I was in my teens, when I craved male attention, I rarely got it (my good looking friends had the lion's share) and this just compounded my already low self image. I would more often get derogatory remarks, regarding my flat-chestedness and my big nose and these comments I took to heart and affected me greatly. It wasn't until my mid twenties, when I had been in a relationship for a while and had my first child that my confidence grew slightly in my appearance and I guess that projected outwards as I got a lot of complimentary comments and offers of well, all sorts! It was flattering but it was water off a duck's back-those comments didn't make me feel any more attractive. However, it has only been over the last few years that I have come to a place in me where I really don't give a shit whether I get wolf-whistles or slagging offs as I am more comfortable with the way I look; hell, I'm not about to go and get plastic surgery to appease the amount of males who find cute noses and big tits the be all and and all of a woman. So, I may still wake up some days and look in the mirror and think I look fucking terrible, but it's only me I have to live with and only me I have to be happy with so I'm thankful for that. I'm done with the putting on a face (hair and make-up) for the world.

Fucking Bingo!

I'm sick of people taking their own baggage and blaming the world for them holding on to it. I don't think there are many people who sailed through life without being derided about their physical appearance especially during school years. Women seem to think that at that age all girls who are not pretty are somehow ignored, but the truth is (if it be a truth rather than a skewed perception of a vulnerable ape going through catastrophic hormonal changes) that boys at that age who don't fit into girls ideas of "hunky" or "handsome" are equally as likely to be ignored by the opposite sex who are often as, if not more cruel in such matters.

So yeah it is an adolescent mentality, something we should grow out of, somewhat. Those insecurities may still haunt us for the rest of our lives, but we have to recognise that our insecurities are not being perpetually forced upon us. Our own confirmation biases may make that difficult from time to time, but to me that is no excuse to start concocting all sorts of elaborate ways to deflect one's personal issues as being something everyone else should be obligated to take seriously.

[Audley Strange]

You volunteered.

I see. I wasn't aware I had, I really don't have much in the way of time to waste harrassing ugly women. Will they get mad that I'm not paying them enough attention if I decline?

[Gawdzilla Sama]

You volunteered.

I see. I wasn't aware I had, I really don't have much in the way of time to waste harrassing ugly women. Will they get mad that I'm not paying them enough attention if I decline?

They may storm out of the elevator in a huff.

[Pappa]

I find the whole "kindness coins that would lead to sex" thing to be annoying and obnoxious, both from those who think that way and those who think most guys think that way. Yeah, I'm sure there must be a ton of college jocks who think like that, and I've met a lot of guys who seem to think that way, but it's far from my own experience and I think far from most guys' experience too.

[Cormac]

I find the whole "kindness coins that would lead to sex" thing to be annoying and obnoxious, both from those who think that way and those who think most guys think that way. Yeah, I'm sure there must be a ton of college jocks who think like that, and I've met a lot of guys who seem to think that way, but it's far from my own experience and I think far from most guys' experience too.

What the hell are kindness coins?

[Bella Fortuna]

I find the whole "kindness coins that would lead to sex" thing to be annoying and obnoxious, both from those who think that way and those who think most guys think that way. Yeah, I'm sure there must be a ton of college jocks who think like that, and I've met a lot of guys who seem to think that way, but it's far from my own experience and I think far from most guys' experience too.

What the hell are kindness coins?

Is it a euphemism for spunk?

[Jason]

Yaeh.. I have no idea what Pappa is saying there.

[Coito ergo sum]

I find the whole "kindness coins that would lead to sex" thing to be annoying and obnoxious, both from those who think that way and those who think most guys think that way. Yeah, I'm sure there must be a ton of college jocks who think like that, and I've met a lot of guys who seem to think that way, but it's far from my own experience and I think far from most guys' experience too.

This +1

Cormac -- kindness coins were referred to in the article. It's the feminist way to refer to men who think they are rejected for being "nice guys." They turn it around and say that nice guys aren't really nice because they are really just entitled -- they think that if they put in enough "niceness" then they are entitled to sex.

I agree with Pappa that most guys who complain about women dating assholes and rejecting the nice guys don't think they are "entitled" to sex. I think that they are just human beings who think they've done all the right things, and so they wonder why they would get rejected when they see guys who do all the "wrong things" getting the girls (who seem to say that there aren't nice guys out there).

I think where the guys who complain that women reject them (the nice guys) are just unaware that it isn't "niceness" that puts women off, it's "too niceness..." I.e. -- obsequiousness, sycophantish behavior, dependence, neediness, lack of confidence, desperation etc. -- sometimes being really really "nice" can be confused with these unpalatable characteristics. It's like "I was so nice to her -- I bought her flowers, I complimented her all the time, I bought her expensive gifts, I paid for all the dinners, I called her every day tree times a day, I gave in to her every wish," etc.... and then wondering why she left. I mean, sometimes being nice is "too" nice. But, I don't think most of those guys think "aww man, I'm so nice to her and did all the nice guy things, so she owes me a bunch of fucks..." -- some guys probably think like that, but I doubt most.

[Coito ergo sum]

Yaeh.. I have no idea what Pappa is saying there.

One would need to read the article to which I linked in the OP.