English school bans dangerous triangle shaped flapjacks

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I'm not worried, I'm a dead shot with anything on Earth, gun, knife or flapjack. You flapophobes are running scared. Pussies!

It's the people saying that teachers should be armed with blueberry muffins that scare me! What next? Prefects with lemon meringues? Sugar-dusted security guards?

ALthough, the way these kids "wake and bake" before coming to school, I struggle to find a less extreme solution!

Blueberry muffins only have about 50 blueberries in them, so they don't count as assault pasties.

[Faithfree]

This will solve nothing. Anyone can see that the flapjack is a dangerous weapon. Short of banning them altogether the correct response is to insist that all kids wear full-body protection at all times: helmets, saftey goggles, gloves and flapjack-proof vests.

[klr]

This will solve nothing. Anyone can see that the flapjack is a dangerous weapon. Short of banning them altogether the correct response is to insist that all kids wear full-body protection at all times: helmets, saftey goggles, gloves and flapjack-proof vests.

And forks


... plastic of course.

[Xamonas Chegwé]

This will solve nothing. Anyone can see that the flapjack is a dangerous weapon. Short of banning them altogether the correct response is to insist that all kids wear full-body protection at all times: helmets, saftey goggles, gloves and flapjack-proof vests.

Fla(pjac)k jackets.

[klr]

This will solve nothing. Anyone can see that the flapjack is a dangerous weapon. Short of banning them altogether the correct response is to insist that all kids wear full-body protection at all times: helmets, saftey goggles, gloves and flapjack-proof vests.

Fla(pjac)k jackets.

[charlou]

great thread

[hadespussercats]

I'm not worried, I'm a dead shot with anything on Earth, gun, knife or flapjack. You flapophobes are running scared. Pussies!

It's the people saying that teachers should be armed with blueberry muffins that scare me! What next? Prefects with lemon meringues? Sugar-dusted security guards?

ALthough, the way these kids "wake and bake" before coming to school, I struggle to find a less extreme solution!

Blueberry muffins only have about 50 blueberries in them, so they don't count as assault pasties.

Assault pasties!!!!!!!

[Seabass]

This War On Flapjacks will only serve to push the pointy flapjack market underground. Before long, they'll have flapjack cartels trading shuriken shaped flapjacks on the flapjack black market.

When will they learn?

[Sean Hayden]

Underground Flapjacks sounds like an excellent place to visit at 3am.

[Xamonas Chegwé]

I know where you can get them. It's not hard if you know who to ask. There this guy, they call him... the baker. He can set you up with whatever you need: pasties, eclairs, flapjacks, high-velocity doughnuts - the works! And what do the police do about it? Nothing! They're all in his pocket. He slips them a chelsea bun or an eccles cake when no-one is looking and it's all "Nothing to see here, Madam. Move along now." Shocking!

[hadespussercats]

I know where you can get them. It's not hard if you know who to ask. There this guy, they call him... the baker. He can set you up with whatever you need: pasties, eclairs, flapjacks, high-velocity doughnuts - the works! And what do the police do about it? Nothing! They're all in his pocket. He slips them a chelsea bun or an eccles cake when no-one is looking and it's all "Nothing to see here, Madam. Move along now." Shocking!

Ah.

I guess to you guys in England, pasties aren't those decorative, sometimes betasselled adornments for a stripper's nipples

That must be why I was the only one laughing at assault pasties.

[Hermit]

IMO, the only safe option is to ban this vicious foodstuff (that is clearly made solely with the purpose of putting-someones-eye-out) altogether!

You have that one arse-about-face. The only sensible solution is to let everyone carry triangle shaped flapjacks. This will discourage the criminal individuals among the students from wantonly attacking law-abiding ones, for they know that the latter are similarly armed. Flapjack assaults in the UK will be lowered to the same level as the USA, just like murder rates, homicide rates and accidental killing rates by concealable weapons.

In fact, I go further than that. The right to carry triangular flapjacks must be made a constitutional right. Given enough triangular flapjack carriers among pupils, tyrannical teachers and headmasters/mistresses will not be able to enslave their charges.

[Rum]

The wooden sticks inside ice lollies.

Just sayin'

[rainbow]

Excuse the stupidity of an ignorant African.

What exactly is a flapjack?

[JimC]

Excuse the stupidity of an ignorant African.

What exactly is a flapjack?

A sort of pancake, I believe...

Surprisingly lethal, apparently...