The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

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The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by Bella Fortuna » Wed Jan 30, 2013 2:52 am

At least, that's what they think in Zimbabwe.
CHITOWN BLAST : BEHEADED GOBLIN FOUGHT BACK, SAYS EYEWITNESS
Sunday, January 27, 2013 NewsdzeZimbabwe 32

A traditional healer and survivor of the Chitungwiza blast claims the tragedy occurred during a cleansing ceremony in which an imported goblin was beheaded.

The survivor, Ms Clara Banda, who escaped with visible minor burns and eye injury, says the blast occurred soon after her counterpart, 24-year-old Speakmore Mandere, popularly known as Sekuru Shumba, beheaded the goblin.

She claims to have miraculously escaped after failing to land the major role of conducting the ceremony. In a state of shock, she ran to her nearby home soon after the blast.

According to Ms Banda, transport operator Mr Clever Kamuyedza approached Mandere seeking help to dispose of the troubling goblin. He was to pay $15 000 for the ritual.

“The tragedy fell upon us while we were conducting the ceremony to dispose of the goblin that this businessman brought to Sekuru Shumba,” said Ms Banda.

According to the traditional healer, Mr Kamuyedza acquired a money-spinning goblin from a nearby country to boost the fortunes of his transport business.

He, however, decided to dispose of it after it started “to make extreme demands.’’
Mandere is said to have assembled a team of traditional healers including Ms Banda, to assist in conducting the ceremony. “After assembling the team, Sekuru Shumba invited Mr Kamuyedza, his wife and two of their associates to his home for consultations,” said Ms Banda.
“The consultations lasted three days during which we discussed whether or not we could handle this kind of ritual.”

Ms Banda said during the three days Mr Kamuyedza kept the goblin at home and only brought it to Sekuru Shumba’s lodgings for destruction on the fourth day. “Sekuru was in the bedroom with three other men who were members of the group. I was with Mai Tsitsi (Mr Kamuyedza’s wife) and Virginia (another healer) in the lounge.

“Other members of the group sat outside since the house was already packed. Sekuru Shumba beheaded the goblin. Clever (the businessman), subsequently, told his wife to collect the US$15 000 from their car that was parked outside.

“That is when Sekuru shouted that the goblin was fighting back. All I remember after that is a loud sound coming from the bedroom. The walls of the house crumbled. Virginia and I struggled to get outside.”

Ms Banda — who was slightly injured by debris — says she later disappeared from the scene before crowds gathered. Another healer is believed to have been among those rushed to hospital for treatment.

“I was hit by debris falling off a crumbling wall, but my friend Virginia was not as lucky. She is still nursing serious injuries from that blast,” said Ms Banda.

A neighbour, Victoria Sarangera, said the explosion occurred at around 1520 hours. She said she was the first person to see victims of the blast.

“I was outside doing the dishes when all of a sudden there was a loud bang and I was hit by a brick,” she said.

“When I turned back, there were two men who were already dead. Their skin had turned black. One of them had a deep gash on the head and his brains could be seen while the other man’s body had been ripped into two.

“A cloud of smoke went up into the air. Sekuru Shumba was lying motionless. The businessman was also dead. At that moment, a tenant at the house, Mai Kelly, was looking for her daughter whose corpse was later retrieved under a bed. “Limbs and other human parts were strewn all over.”

The mysterious blast killed five people, including Sekuru Shumba, the businessman and a seven-month-old child. Investigators are still trying to establish the cause of the explosion that also damaged 12 other houses.

National police spokesperson Assistant Commissioner Charity Charamba said specialists in the police bomb disposal and ballistics unit were yet to ascertain the cause of the blast. “The investigation is likely to take longer. There is no likelihood of the findings coming out next week,” she said. sunday mail
Also here: http://doubtfulnews.com/2013/01/goblin- ... ling-five/

And yet more goblins! http://doubtfulnews.com/2012/06/goblins ... -zimbabwe/

Sad goblin is sad.
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Audley Strange
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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by Audley Strange » Wed Jan 30, 2013 12:39 pm

Every time you look at your smartphone and think "I live in the future of awesome" remember people still believe in Goblins, Astrology, Jesus and Economics.
"What started as a legitimate effort by the townspeople of Salem to identify, capture and kill those who did Satan's bidding quickly deteriorated into a witch hunt" Army Man

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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by klr » Wed Jan 30, 2013 12:57 pm

File under "truly weird" :?
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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by Clinton Huxley » Wed Jan 30, 2013 1:15 pm

Aye, you need to be careful with those imported goblins. Cheap knock-offs.
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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by Bella Fortuna » Wed Jan 30, 2013 1:20 pm

Clinton Huxley wrote:Aye, you need to be careful with those imported goblins. Cheap knock-offs.
Taking all the local goblins' jobs...
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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by Thinking Aloud » Wed Jan 30, 2013 1:25 pm

Audley Strange wrote:Every time you look at your smartphone and think "I live in the future of awesome" remember people still believe in Goblins, Astrology, Jesus and Economics.
And they too have smartphones, cars and nuclear weapons.

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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by pErvinalia » Wed Jan 30, 2013 1:47 pm

Audley Strange wrote:Every time you look at your smartphone and think "I live in the future of awesome" remember people still believe in Goblins, Astrology, Jesus and Economics.
I'm glad you stuck that last one in there.. :)
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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by pErvinalia » Wed Jan 30, 2013 1:49 pm

I was hit by debris falling off a crumbling wall, but my friend Virginia was not as lucky.
I read that as "my friend's vagina was not as lucky". :pop:
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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by mistermack » Wed Jan 30, 2013 3:36 pm

Clinton Huxley wrote:Aye, you need to be careful with those imported goblins. Cheap knock-offs.
I was thinking of another cheap knock-off.
Perhaps they were operating an illegal still, and it blew up?
That happened in Leicester, I think it was, and three or four Poles were killed, last year. They were making illegal vodka.
While there is a market for shit, there will be assholes to supply it.

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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by Xamonas Chegwé » Wed Jan 30, 2013 5:07 pm

This is what happens when you're not careful cooking Meth! You first start seeing goblins, then the whole fucking house blows up! Don't these people watch Breaking Bad? :nono:
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Audley Strange
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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by Audley Strange » Wed Jan 30, 2013 6:27 pm

Thinking Aloud wrote:
Audley Strange wrote:Every time you look at your smartphone and think "I live in the future of awesome" remember people still believe in Goblins, Astrology, Jesus and Economics.
And they too have smartphones, cars and nuclear weapons.
That is what makes it so hilarious.
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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by Jason » Wed Jan 30, 2013 7:15 pm

Mmmm.. Smartphone! Phone does not make you smart! Hee hee!

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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by HomerJay » Wed Jan 30, 2013 8:38 pm

The best goblin is a Goblin Teasmaid.

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Re: The Only Good Goblin Is A Dead Goblin

Post by Svartalf » Wed Jan 30, 2013 8:45 pm

Făkünamę wrote:Mmmm.. Smartphone! Phone does not make you smart! Hee hee!
If you believe in goblins, your phone is smarter than you.
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