Can i buy you a coffee?

[hadespussercats]

Oh, and just to make clear - that any woman sitting in public without a male member of her family is a whore.

FACT.

The other day I stopped in a Starbucks I used to frequent, before a better place opened up closer to our apt. J and I and Sprog often went on weekends, as a nice destination for a walk-- then we'd go to the park to eat breakfast.

Anyway, this barista looked at me and exclaimed, "Here without your husband and your baby?! What is UP with you?!!"

I just blinked at her, then turned to the other barista and placed my order. But I was really tempted to point out to her that we don't in fact live under Sharia law, so I'm allowed out of the house without my male consort.

I think she was stoned.

My bet is that you were showing lots of naked flesh. Including your ankles.

It's WHORES like you who give women the bad name they have.

Praise be to Jesus that you will be stoned in the next life. Praise be to Mohammed that you will be stoned in this.

I can't get stoned anymore.

[Santa_Claus]

I can't get stoned anymore.

If you go to Scotland after independence you will be.

Day 1 = Sharia Law
Day 2 = Build a statue of Alex Salmond, out of whicker
Day 3 = Invade England
Day 4 = lose (again)
Day 5 (+ 300 years) - whine continuously.

[charlou]

I'm sorry I fucked her now.

ahehehe

[amused]

It's been my experience that people send very clear signals about their personal space. Intentional lack of eye contact being a firewall indication.

[JimC]

I think it would be harrassment if someone started talking to me using multiquotes.

Or looked at you strangely when you were doing your bus activities...

[charlou]

It's been my experience that people send very clear signals about their personal space. Intentional lack of eye contact being a firewall indication.

I agree .. as TA said, it's all about demeanor .. Most empathic people can read body language, so I suppose if someone is intruding despite that, then annoyance is an understandable reaction.

[Santa_Claus]

I think it would be harrassment if someone started talking to me using multiquotes.

Or looked at you strangely when you were doing your bus activities...

In that case I would imagine she was a Lesbian .

[Coito ergo sum]

It's been my experience that people send very clear signals about their personal space. Intentional lack of eye contact being a firewall indication.

I agree .. as TA said, it's all about demeanor .. Most empathic people can read body language, so I suppose if someone is intruding despite that, then annoyance is an understandable reaction.

Yes, that is all true. We can all do our best to judge demeanor; however, people are notoriously bad, in general, at reading body language. Eye contact is no indicator and neither is smiling. Some people will look at you and smile out of politeness or even nervousness, but still have no desire to talk to you. And, some people are willing to talk to person A, but not person B.

And, simply sitting and reading on a comfy chair in an open area of a coffee house, where strangers come and go in immediately proximate seating, and people talk to their hearts content, is not really, in my view, an indicator of anything at all. People will often have a book and read it, even if what they would also be open to is a nice conversation. Hardly anyone purposefully "sends out the signals" like by sitting their casting knowing glances and beaming at other people in an effort to let them know they are open for business.

I would think that initiating a conversation with someone sitting there in an open area of a coffee house by saying things like "hello, is this seat taken" and then "how are you today?" and/or "nice weather?" -- etc. and then followed by a "can I get you a coffee?" would not be considered improper. And, even if the person wasn't interested in talking at all, a quick "no thank you" or, "no offense, but I'm trying to read this..." would be the only response needed.

[Kristie]

It's been my experience that people send very clear signals about their personal space. Intentional lack of eye contact being a firewall indication.

I agree .. as TA said, it's all about demeanor .. Most empathic people can read body language, so I suppose if someone is intruding despite that, then annoyance is an understandable reaction.

Yes, that is all true. We can all do our best to judge demeanor; however, people are notoriously bad, in general, at reading body language. Eye contact is no indicator and neither is smiling. Some people will look at you and smile out of politeness or even nervousness, but still have no desire to talk to you. And, some people are willing to talk to person A, but not person B.

And, simply sitting and reading on a comfy chair in an open area of a coffee house, where strangers come and go in immediately proximate seating, and people talk to their hearts content, is not really, in my view, an indicator of anything at all. People will often have a book and read it, even if what they would also be open to is a nice conversation. Hardly anyone purposefully "sends out the signals" like by sitting their casting knowing glances and beaming at other people in an effort to let them know they are open for business.

I would think that initiating a conversation with someone sitting there in an open area of a coffee house by saying things like "hello, is this seat taken" and then "how are you today?" and/or "nice weather?" -- etc. and then followed by a "can I get you a coffee?" would not be considered improper. And, even if the person wasn't interested in talking at all, a quick "no thank you" or, "no offense, but I'm trying to read this..." would be the only response needed.

Agreed. And, I would think that if you're really trying to read a book, why would you pick a public place like that to do so? I understand reading on a train or bus, but when you pick a social place like a coffee house, you shouldn't get too upset when people get....uh...social.

[rainbow]

Oh, and just to make clear - that any woman sitting in public without a male member of her family is a whore.

FACT.

Another interesting FACT is that in Thailand - that any woman sitting in public with a male member is a whore.

[Coito ergo sum]

Agreed. And, I would think that if you're really trying to read a book, why would you pick a public place like that to do so? I understand reading on a train or bus, but when you pick a social place like a coffee house, you shouldn't get too upset when people get....uh...social.

I would definitely hit on you in a coffee shop. :flirt:

And, I was thinking about the idea of "sending out the signals." I wonder what the writer of the article in the OP would say about men sending out signals? Like -- what if a guy is in the coffee shop, and starts purposefully using body language to send out the signal to women that he wants to chat with them. Like -- he is in a coffee shop and isn't doing anything like reading or looking at his computer -- he starts looking at women and smiling at them.

I am thinking that such body language, coming from a man, would fast become "creeper" territory.

I guess the long and short of the article in the OP is that men should not speak unless spoken to, unless they are 100% sure the woman wants to be spoken to (which, of course, he can never reliably know, so if he talks and she likes it, he lucked out and if he talks and she didn't like it, he's a harasser).

[hadespussercats]

It's been my experience that people send very clear signals about their personal space. Intentional lack of eye contact being a firewall indication.

I agree .. as TA said, it's all about demeanor .. Most empathic people can read body language, so I suppose if someone is intruding despite that, then annoyance is an understandable reaction.

Yes, that is all true. We can all do our best to judge demeanor; however, people are notoriously bad, in general, at reading body language. Eye contact is no indicator and neither is smiling. Some people will look at you and smile out of politeness or even nervousness, but still have no desire to talk to you. And, some people are willing to talk to person A, but not person B.

And, simply sitting and reading on a comfy chair in an open area of a coffee house, where strangers come and go in immediately proximate seating, and people talk to their hearts content, is not really, in my view, an indicator of anything at all. People will often have a book and read it, even if what they would also be open to is a nice conversation. Hardly anyone purposefully "sends out the signals" like by sitting their casting knowing glances and beaming at other people in an effort to let them know they are open for business.

I would think that initiating a conversation with someone sitting there in an open area of a coffee house by saying things like "hello, is this seat taken" and then "how are you today?" and/or "nice weather?" -- etc. and then followed by a "can I get you a coffee?" would not be considered improper. And, even if the person wasn't interested in talking at all, a quick "no thank you" or, "no offense, but I'm trying to read this..." would be the only response needed.

Agreed. And, I would think that if you're really trying to read a book, why would you pick a public place like that to do so? I understand reading on a train or bus, but when you pick a social place like a coffee house, you shouldn't get too upset when people get....uh...social.

Sitting and reading a book is a time-honored use of coffee shops. That's why the literary types used to hang out in them back in the day, and why Barnes and Noble and countless other bookstores also sell coffee. And it's nice to have someone fix you coffee and snacks while you read.

It's nice to sit and read in the middle of pleasant hustle and bustle. In college, I always used to go to the student union food court to read and study, because I didn't feel so isolated, like if I were in my dorm room, and because I found it much easier to concentrate with the thrum of white noise than in the library, where being able to hear the person breathing in the carrel next to me would make me want to kill them with a sharp pencil.

[hadespussercats]

Oh, and just to make clear - that any woman sitting in public without a male member of her family is a whore.

FACT.

Another interesting FACT is that in Thailand - that any woman sitting in public with a male member is a whore.

With his member? Well. I can understand drawing that conclusion, given the circumstances.

[Coito ergo sum]

A bit of a weird question, but I can definitely see how this would be a good conversation starter. It's a non-sexual, non-innuendo question that brings in other people. You're not there to pick her up, you're there to meet a friend, and you just happen to have a problem that needs solving. This let's you open up a conversation, and that is the key -- get the conversation rolling with her as a regular, coequal person, and not as a pick-up target.

Straw poll on Yahoo Answers seems to indicate that it is o.k. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 758AA6kleq

These ladies implicitly say it's o.k. to approach them, as long as you don't do it in a cheezy fashion. Be original, and they say not to open with the "can I buy you a coffee?" I guess because it is not original. But, none of them say that it is improper to approach them in a coffee shop unless they've given some signals --

[Coito ergo sum]

Another option: http://www.lsattraction.com/approach-wo ... ffee-shop/ - this article gives an example of a guy who approaches that girl who was engrossed in her book. Improper?