How to be happy?

[amused]

I can be happy enough but never satisfied, so I don't know if the two are compatible.

[Coito ergo sum]

It's arrogance when you presume that your experience should be the rule for everyone.

no presumption was made. We're just talking here. If my opinion means I'm making a rule for everyone, then so is everyone else's opinion, and we just can't have a discussion about it.

I just know from experience that people find it much easier to be happy if they stop looking for happiness to come from external sources. Whether you have a mood disorder or not, it's in your brain. Happiness still won't come from outside. That's why some super wealthy "have it all" folks are so sad, and so many poor, destitute people can be so happy. The stuff isn't where happiness comes from. Other people don't "make" us sad. It's very helpful to learn to detatch from the external in this way. Those external things lose the power we thought they had.

Nothing is "the answer," and I would never say this sort of thing is easy. But, I think if you think about it, you'll find that there is something to what I'm trying to say here.

[hadespussercats]

It's arrogance when you presume that your experience should be the rule for everyone.

no presumption was made. We're just talking here. If my opinion means I'm making a rule for everyone, then so is everyone else's opinion, and we just can't have a discussion about it.

I just know from experience that people find it much easier to be happy if they stop looking for happiness to come from external sources. Whether you have a mood disorder or not, it's in your brain. Happiness still won't come from outside. That's why some super wealthy "have it all" folks are so sad, and so many poor, destitute people can be so happy. The stuff isn't where happiness comes from. Other people don't "make" us sad. It's very helpful to learn to detatch from the external in this way. Those external things lose the power we thought they had.

Nothing is "the answer," and I would never say this sort of thing is easy. But, I think if you think about it, you'll find that there is something to what I'm trying to say here.

Not really. Saying that happiness is something my brain produces isn't new information. Still doesn't mean happiness is something I can either actively seek, or control.

[hiyymer]

That's why some super wealthy "have it all" folks are so sad.

Or as one pundit put it... we think the problem is that we have no money, and then when we get it we find out that the problem is us.

One thing I learned from two depressed people in my life and one of them a suicide is that people are very uncomfortable with depression and suicide. My friend's family talked about having a memorial service for him for a year and a half, and then they stopped keeping me informed. I think it's that people don't want to think about it; that the body can turn on itself; the self in the mind wanting to self destruct. It's very threatening to that comfortable sense of the self in control. No one "wants" to die. Right?

[Coito ergo sum]

It's arrogance when you presume that your experience should be the rule for everyone.

no presumption was made. We're just talking here. If my opinion means I'm making a rule for everyone, then so is everyone else's opinion, and we just can't have a discussion about it.

I just know from experience that people find it much easier to be happy if they stop looking for happiness to come from external sources. Whether you have a mood disorder or not, it's in your brain. Happiness still won't come from outside. That's why some super wealthy "have it all" folks are so sad, and so many poor, destitute people can be so happy. The stuff isn't where happiness comes from. Other people don't "make" us sad. It's very helpful to learn to detatch from the external in this way. Those external things lose the power we thought they had.

Nothing is "the answer," and I would never say this sort of thing is easy. But, I think if you think about it, you'll find that there is something to what I'm trying to say here.

Not really. Saying that happiness is something my brain produces isn't new information. Still doesn't mean happiness is something I can either actively seek, or control.

Maybe not new to you, but my original comment wasn't directed at you in particular, and it is news to many people. It is quite common for people to look for other people and things to "make" them happy. It's a common refrain for people to believe that if only X, Y or Z would happen or be accomplished, THEN they would be happy.

I won't pretend to be able to tell you what you, in particular, can do. However, people can take steps to increase their happiness, and people do take steps to increase their happiness. One of the things that helps a lot of people is the realization -- the real realization -- that happiness isn't something that happens to you. It's often a choice.

Often it involves detatching oneself from various desires, wants, longings, etc. Like the Sheryl Crow song says, it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got. "It's so much easier to be happy, my love. It's so much easier to choose to love the things that you have, and you have so much, instead of always yearning for what you're missing, or what it is you're imagining you're missing. It's so much more peaceful." Kate Gulden, played by Meryl Streep in the movie "One True Thing."

I know those are just quotes from a song and a movie, but they are apropos, and equivalent concepts are found in hard philosophy. It's easier to be happy, my love. It's easier to choose -- to CHOOSE -- to love the things that you have -- and you have so much.

Isn't it? Maybe it won't work for you, I don't know. But, it may be something to think about. If not, take what works for you, and leave the rest.

[hadespussercats]

It's arrogance when you presume that your experience should be the rule for everyone.

no presumption was made. We're just talking here. If my opinion means I'm making a rule for everyone, then so is everyone else's opinion, and we just can't have a discussion about it.

I just know from experience that people find it much easier to be happy if they stop looking for happiness to come from external sources. Whether you have a mood disorder or not, it's in your brain. Happiness still won't come from outside. That's why some super wealthy "have it all" folks are so sad, and so many poor, destitute people can be so happy. The stuff isn't where happiness comes from. Other people don't "make" us sad. It's very helpful to learn to detatch from the external in this way. Those external things lose the power we thought they had.

Nothing is "the answer," and I would never say this sort of thing is easy. But, I think if you think about it, you'll find that there is something to what I'm trying to say here.

Not really. Saying that happiness is something my brain produces isn't new information. Still doesn't mean happiness is something I can either actively seek, or control.

Maybe not new to you, but my original comment wasn't directed at you in particular, and it is news to many people. ...

If your comment wasn't to me in particular, why was it a response to a quoted post of mine?

[hadespussercats]

I won't pretend to be able to tell you what you, in particular, can do. However, people can take steps to increase their happiness, and people do take steps to increase their happiness. One of the things that helps a lot of people is the realization -- the real realization -- that happiness isn't something that happens to you. It's often a choice.

Often it involves detatching oneself from various desires, wants, longings, etc. Like the Sheryl Crow song says, it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got. "It's so much easier to be happy, my love. It's so much easier to choose to love the things that you have, and you have so much, instead of always yearning for what you're missing, or what it is you're imagining you're missing. It's so much more peaceful." Kate Gulden, played by Meryl Streep in the movie "One True Thing."

I know those are just quotes from a song and a movie, but they are apropos, and equivalent concepts are found in hard philosophy. It's easier to be happy, my love. It's easier to choose -- to CHOOSE -- to love the things that you have -- and you have so much.

The gospel of Coito?

Love makes life worthwhile. But it doesn't make you happy.

[Coito ergo sum]

If your comment wasn't to me in particular, why was it a response to a quoted post of mine?

So it was -- my bad.

Let me rephrase -- I did not intend to communicate to you as if I knew your mind, or your medical conditions, etc. I was intending to make more of a general proposition, and to the extent that I made you feel as if I was telling you what to do, I withdraw it and apologize.

[hadespussercats]

If your comment wasn't to me in particular, why was it a response to a quoted post of mine?

So it was -- my bad.

Let me rephrase -- I did not intend to communicate to you as if I knew your mind, or your medical conditions, etc. I was intending to make more of a general proposition, and to the extent that I made you feel as if I was telling you what to do, I withdraw it and apologize.

Is cool.

You know, I don't think it's necessary to have a mood disorder to have happiness be something that's beyond individual control, though.

Happiness and fulfillment aren't the same, either.

[Coito ergo sum]

The gospel of Coito?

Love makes life worthwhile. But it doesn't make you happy.

Very true, but the import of the quote is that people often create unhappiness for themselves by imagining that they are missing something in life. If one chooses to be happy with the things one has, and most of us have quite a bit, we are less apt to experience suffering over what we imagine we do not have. That's how I conceptualize it, anyhow.

And, in my life, I try to apply that concept, and thinking in those terms helps me experience happiness doing things as simple as mowing the lawn. I could hate mowing the lawn -- it is work, it's hot out there -- it's repetitive and mundane and boring and solitary. Ore, I could love mowing the lawn -- it is exercise, it let's me break a sweat and get a little sun, it gives me time to think and almost meditate without interruption, and I get to take care of my home and the home of my darling She.

How I view the lawn mowing is, at bottom, my choice. Lawn mowing doesn't and can't "make" me unhappy or happy. I do that.

It really is so much easier to be happy, and I choose to love the things I have, one of those things being my lawn mower and my yard, rather than spend time imagining things that I'm missing (like a yard boy, and independent wealth).

I hope I am phrasing it such that I get my meaning across. I meant no offense to you.

[Coito ergo sum]

Is cool.

You know, I don't think it's necessary to have a mood disorder to have happiness be something that's beyond individual control, though.

Happiness and fulfillment aren't the same, either.

Nothing works for everyone. Take what works out of philosophies and meditations and even religions, and leave what doesn't.

But, there are lots of people who many of us would presume to be quite unhappy -- I use as an example many people who live in desperate poverty in Brazilian favelas. As an American, my reaction looking at how 10s of millions of folks live is in almost abject horror and I wonder how anyone could be happy there. But, many of them are happy. How can that be?

And, many people we see who seemingly have it all - love, wealth, comfort, self-actualization, and all the rest -- many of them are so abjectly sad it strains belief. How can that be?

Well, what I take from that is that all those things external to the mind aren't what makes people happy or unhappy. Something else must be the key.

[Clinton Huxley]

It's apparently almost impossible to be unhappy whilst eating a big bowl of trifle. I've not tested this.

[Coito ergo sum]

Hades, have you read the book "The Four Agreements" by a guy named Ruiz?

I like to keep his four basic principles in mind, too:

1. Do not take anything personally.
2. Do not make assumptions.
3. Always do your best.
4. Be impeccable with your word.

I like the first two I listed best (I may have listed them out of order). I recommend the book highly. But, again, take what works and discard the rest.

[Animavore]

Is cool.

You know, I don't think it's necessary to have a mood disorder to have happiness be something that's beyond individual control, though.

Happiness and fulfillment aren't the same, either.

Nothing works for everyone. Take what works out of philosophies and meditations and even religions, and leave what doesn't.

But, there are lots of people who many of us would presume to be quite unhappy -- I use as an example many people who live in desperate poverty in Brazilian favelas. As an American, my reaction looking at how 10s of millions of folks live is in almost abject horror and I wonder how anyone could be happy there. But, many of them are happy. How can that be?

And, many people we see who seemingly have it all - love, wealth, comfort, self-actualization, and all the rest -- many of them are so abjectly sad it strains belief. How can that be?

Well, what I take from that is that all those things external to the mind aren't what makes people happy or unhappy. Something else must be the key.

In his book, The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonothan Haigth points out that neurologists, by looking at your brain, can tell if your going to be happy and optimistic or sad and pessimistic by looking at your brain. Apparently if the left forebrain is the larger of the two then you've won the happiness lottery from birth.
People with a larger right forebrain can change their lot but it takes serious effort through meditation or CBT, or drugs. To say you can just simply 'choose' to be happy is not supported by any science. Who'd choose not to be happy?
There are certain things which go into happiness like self-worth and status. External things certainly do affect people's happiness. To point at a few poor bastards who are happy and a few rich people who aren't does not change that. The opposite is true with the majority of people. Poverty brings misery and status brings contentment.
You seem to think the mind is something separate from the body and external world rather than an integral whole acting and reacting to stimuli. The fact that we can take drugs to affect moods is demonstrative of that.

I wish I still had that book to elaborate but just to say you are your brain and your brain is you so obviously its make-up does affect your mood, levels of empathy, anxiety, facial recognition, spatial awareness and on and on so to say you have control over this is only as true as saying we have control over a crippled leg or heart murmer.

[hadespussercats]

The gospel of Coito?

Love makes life worthwhile. But it doesn't make you happy.

Very true, but the import of the quote is that people often create unhappiness for themselves by imagining that they are missing something in life. If one chooses to be happy with the things one has, and most of us have quite a bit, we are less apt to experience suffering over what we imagine we do not have. That's how I conceptualize it, anyhow.

And, in my life, I try to apply that concept, and thinking in those terms helps me experience happiness doing things as simple as mowing the lawn. I could hate mowing the lawn -- it is work, it's hot out there -- it's repetitive and mundane and boring and solitary. Ore, I could love mowing the lawn -- it is exercise, it let's me break a sweat and get a little sun, it gives me time to think and almost meditate without interruption, and I get to take care of my home and the home of my darling She.

How I view the lawn mowing is, at bottom, my choice. Lawn mowing doesn't and can't "make" me unhappy or happy. I do that.

It really is so much easier to be happy, and I choose to love the things I have, one of those things being my lawn mower and my yard, rather than spend time imagining things that I'm missing (like a yard boy, and independent wealth).

I hope I am phrasing it such that I get my meaning across. I meant no offense to you.

No offense!