John Carter of Mars - $250 million Turkey?

[Clinton Huxley]

The first paragraph of Peter Bradshaw's review in the Guardian made me laugh...

John Carter is one of those films that is so stultifying, so oppressive and so mysteriously and interminably long that I felt as if someone had dragged me into the kitchen of my local Greggs, and was baking my head into the centre of a colossal cube of white bread. As the film went on, the loaf around my skull grew to the size of a basketball, and then a coffee table, and then an Audi. The boring and badly acted sci-fi mashup continued inexorably, and the bready blandness pressed into my nostrils, eardrums, eye sockets and mouth. I wanted to cry for help, but in bread no one can hear you scream. Finally, I clawed the doughy, gooey, tasteless mass desperately away from my mouth and screeched: "Jesus, I'm watching a pointless film about a 1860s American civil war action hero on Mars, which the inhabitants apparently call Barsoom. I can't breathe."

Can't wait for the Kermode review....

[Clinton Huxley]

"John Carte" I shouldn't be allowed to type first thing in the morning.

[JimC]

A much better SF series of civil war soldiers versus horrible aliens occurs in William R. Forstchen's "The lost regiment" series...

Highly recommended...

[Gawdzilla Sama]

We'll be seeing it today. Not being a whiney bitch of a movie critic should make it more enjoyable.

[Clinton Huxley]

We'll be seeing it today. Not being a whiney bitch of a movie critic should make it more enjoyable.

Hope you enjoy it, old chap but critics have been known to be right.

[JimC]

We'll be seeing it today. Not being a whiney bitch of a movie critic should make it more enjoyable.

Hope you enjoy it, old chap but critics have been known to be right.

One day, they'll make a 100 hour length "Wheel of Time" movie...

You'll love it...

[Clinton Huxley]

We'll be seeing it today. Not being a whiney bitch of a movie critic should make it more enjoyable.

Hope you enjoy it, old chap but critics have been known to be right.

One day, they'll make a 100 hour length "Wheel of Time" movie...

You'll love it...

Haha, is that Robert Jordan? I read the first couple of doorstops. 3000 pages and, as far as I could tell, literally nothing had happened and there were ten more books to go. Needless to say, I stopped.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

We'll be seeing it today. Not being a whiney bitch of a movie critic should make it more enjoyable.

Hope you enjoy it, old chap but critics have been known to be right.

Nobody's wrong all the time. Or, "A stopped watch is right twice a day." But I noticed long ago that the more critics hated something the more I liked it. I usually found out a movie I liked was a "turkey" after I'd been to see it. Critics are parasitical, they produce nothing and are more destructive than anything else. Spider Robinson quit his position at Analog magazine because the lag time between his reviews and their publication meant he was becoming a critic rather than a reviewer. His final column was a beautiful summation of the cancer called "critics".

Bottom line, if I don't like it, that will be my decision, not somebody's opinion taken on face value.

BTW, this is not a rant at you, I really despise critics as a class. They're almost as bad as libertarian bloggers. Almost.

[JimC]

I remember you saying that in some ancient thread...

Me, I fucking love 'em...

Jordan died 2 books from the end, but has been replaced by a very competent writer, who wore a good book - one more to go...

[Rum]

Film 2012 (The Beeb's movie review programme) said it was inspired lunacy at times. Not the best review, but worth it for the bonkers moments they said!

[Clinton Huxley]

We'll be seeing it today. Not being a whiney bitch of a movie critic should make it more enjoyable.

Hope you enjoy it, old chap but critics have been known to be right.

Nobody's wrong all the time. Or, "A stopped watch is right twice a day." But I noticed long ago that the more critics hated something the more I liked it. I usually found out a movie I liked was a "turkey" after I'd been to see it. Critics are parasitical, they produce nothing and are more destructive than anything else. Spider Robinson quit his position at Analog magazine because the lag time between his reviews and their publication meant he was becoming a critic rather than a reviewer. His final column was a beautiful summation of the cancer called "critics".

Bottom line, if I don't like it, that will be my decision, not somebody's opinion taken on face value.

BTW, this is not a rant at you, I really despise critics as a class. They're almost as bad as libertarian bloggers. Almost.

No worries, old chap. You'll have to post a review later.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Film 2012 (The Beeb's movie review programme) said it was inspired lunacy at times. Not the best review, but worth it for the bonkers moments they said!

That alone would make it worth the price of admission. I don't go to movies to be in Heaven for two hours, I go to have a bit of fun. Yesterday we saw Ghostrider, and had a few chuckles during the movie, especially at the cameo by Giant-Ass Saw Thing.

[Animavore]

I remember Kevin Smith bitched about critics when they tore into one of his films at a Com-Con event to his cheering and slavishly devoted fans saying they don't know shit the fans know better or some crap.

Mark Kermode pointed out that it was the critics who made him famous in the first place. Without them the movie Clerks would never have been noticed. Needless to say Kevin Smith was owned.

No one pays attention to critics when blockbusters come put. The sales are never effected by bad reviews. The Hollywood machine put lots of money into these films and they make sure they hype them up so much you can't resist seeing them. What the critic can do is guide you towards those low budget, film festival, quirky or subversive gems you would never even thought to watch.

That's not to say critics can't be wrong. Almost every single one of them was wrong about Avatar.

[Animavore]

Anyway, John Carter has more or less split the critics in two with a 49% rating at Rotten Tomatoes.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/john_carter/

So it seems a love it or hate it movie.

[Clinton Huxley]

Im hoping for a Kermodian rant on this one.