RD.net to be re-revamped!

[lordpasternack]

Now I just can't help but regret how much fucking time I wasted on this. For fuck's sake - I couldn't concentrate on doing my already overdue Microbiology Logbook on Friday because of this stupid thread. This seriously had my blood running and my mind rattling. I was sincere, and sincerely pissed off. I almost feel angry at them for letting me wind myself up. Fucking bast… Ahem… Sorry…

[lordpasternack]

So, sorry for offending you, sorry for harrassing you at times, and sorry for the misunderstanding of my intentions here and possibly elsewhere. And thank you for your response - even if I disagreed in parts with it. And I will try to leave you alone more from now on.

I'm sorry LP, but I see this as manipulation. Like, sorry I hit you with a hammer, I really didn't mean it. Then comes the apologies and I still care for you mantra.

Also posting his private email is kind of like "yea, I'm sorry, but I'll get back at you somehow, you'll see". And here it is: your private email for ALL to see and send you millions of texts.

I'm about to contact a moderator to fix my post using a more discreet screenshot not showing his email address. I can't edit my post now.

As for it being manipulation - not to my mind. I fucked up. I've been honest. I'm sorry. But at the same time, I'm not a bastard, and I think all parties know this - even if I gall them. I feel quite tired and weird right now though. I've been mildly depressed and angsty, and I think I was channelling some of that, here. I don't feel like a drawn out defence of my apology. I have said I will do better and I will. And myself and others know who I am. That's enough.

[Ronja]

I'm about to contact a moderator to fix my post using a more discreet screenshot not showing his email address. I can't edit my post now.

Done.

[lordpasternack]

I'm about to contact a moderator to fix my post using a more discreet screenshot not showing his email address. I can't edit my post now.

Done.

Thanks.

[kiki5711]

Richard asked me to post this note to you LP.

Dear Heather

Apology accepted, thank you. I wish you good fortune in your science degree (I really do think you have ability in that direction).

Now let's get on, and bring this unpleasant episode to a close.

With my good wishes

Richard

[borealis]

That's very nice of him.

But I still have to wonder, why he didn't reply directly to LP if he has her email address.

Because, you know...

Dear borealis,
tell everybody in rationalia that I'm still alive.


Best wishes
Elvis

[Pensioner]

I'm about to contact a moderator to fix my post using a more discreet screenshot not showing his email address. I can't edit my post now.

Done.

Thanks.

Big hug from me.

[kiki5711]

That's very nice of him.

But I still have to wonder, why he didn't reply directly to LP if he has her email address.

Because, you know...

Dear borealis,
tell everybody in rationalia that I'm still alive.


Best wishes
Elvis

I didn't make that up myself. It's genuine. For whatever reasons Richard has not to respond to LP directly is not my business nor did I ask.

[borealis]

Oh kiki, I didn't mean you would have made it up And it's not really my business anyway. I was just surprised how trustfully he uses a messenger when he could just reply himself and make sure that the right message reaches its target. But then again I don't know what your relationship is, maybe you have earned his trust. I know I'd be more skeptical myself.

So do you think I should repost my question directly to paula, or richard now when I have the direct email addresses? After three months, I don't think I'm going to get any reply from contact -email of richarddawkins.net. Although that book is way too late to Santa's sacks anymore.

[lordpasternack]

Thanks. That was nice of Richard. Not so nice what he said in the first place, actually - though maybe it needed to be said in some sort of way. But at least it's some vindication that I wasn't completely tuned to the moon in my emails to him, and in my presumptuousness of contacting him, after all. I'm really not that bad underneath it all. I really wasn't that bad here.

I did not blackmail him, I did not knowingly harass him frequently (only if I got worked up about something), I did not generally send him emails daily (fairly regularly, yes, and in fits and starts), and I have only on this occasion knowingly sent him what I could describe as hate-mail. I may have some annoying idiosyncrasies, and I may be in-your-face - but I really didn't like that picture he painted - which isn't how it appeared to me and didn't match up with my own intentions and memory. And his quick and good-faithed acceptance of my apology seems to corroborate that a little. He shouldn't be so quickly moved by such an utter undesirable as the one he painted.

Well, I'm glad some misunderstanding has been cleared up, anyway. I'm tired, and I have other things to do now. Question answered. Thread locked.

[lordpasternack]

Actually I must add - just as the nit-picky part of my brain is starting to kick in... 

This unpleasant episode would have been over far sooner if only they'd communicated to me through whatever channels of their choosing, the most basic and sterile list of stuff that RDFRS had been up to. What were they hoping to achieve by staying silent?

I don't read minds, and if they think I'm trying to blackmail them, they could at least try to falsify the hypothesis, and throw me the sop of what I was asking for, anyway - which was, after all, simple evidence. I would have thanked them, apologised for any testiness, and felt a little warmer and fuzzier about RDFRS than I did before. What did they have to lose? What point were they hoping to make? Was I suppose to 'get the message', even though I'd made it clear that that wasn't the message I was receiving?

It would have taken Paula literally 5 seconds to forward that email to me, or copy and paste its contents to have someone post it here for all to see. She has been aware, in whatever way, of how sincerely wound up I was getting over the issue, and what others were weighing in with. Purposely withholding the information almost amounts to spite. And again, what science organisation decides not to tell certain people about what a good job they're doing? It still just doesn't jive. They could have given me the information with an added note of "there you are, now shut your gob, and please don't bother us so much about various crap". I would have taken that!

As for emailing Richard - part of the reason is because I am impulsive, and I have something to say - and I can't respond to him on his site because they banned me and never told me why - and they probably won't tell me why because they think X about me, even though they haven't bothered to try to falsify X, and have never tried to discuss or resolve the issue with me. And they have never tried to discuss or resolve the issue with me of course because they think X about me. See how these things go in circles? 

I don't read minds, and they're not very good at reading mine, either, it seems. It reminds me of the time during the SkepChick furore, when Richard did send me a few replies, and asked me to explain what Rebecca meant by a particular Tweet. I gave my interpretation - but I was so tempted to say "why don't you ask HER?" She knows best what she meant, after all. But of course, he probably wouldn't have, because his impression (which I disagreed with) of her Tweet was that she endorsed using Richard cynically for attention… Again, vicious circle of self-reinforcing preconceptions… 

And if he interpreted that Tweet so oddly - I wouldn't put it past him to misinterpret some of my remarks, I suppose. It does bother me that things I probably meant in good humour have been taken as, er, shrill and strident. But oh well…

[kiki5711]

Well, I'm glad some misunderstanding has been cleared up, anyway. I'm tired, and I have other things to do now. Question answered. Thread locked.

LP

You're old enough to be my daughter. I'm telling you the same thing I'd tell her. Leave it at that and start over. Every situation negative or positive is a learning experience in life. You're witty, super smart, and funny girl, and you will get far in life. Your rational and sometimes irrational feelings take the better of your thoughts, but you can learn and grow from that. Taking what fits and leaving what doesn't. You'll grow into one incredible woman.

Sincerely
Kiki

[Ronja]

kiki, LP is not your daughter and she has her own way of dealing with things. How about you accept that and let go for your part?

Being true to oneself is one of the most important lessons we are trying to teach our daughters (they are now about half LP's age). The most demanding / complex part of it may well be how to combine personal integrity with living in a society, working and communicating with other people. I expect to be learning about that for as long as my brain will work.

Peace.

[kiki5711]

kiki, LP is not your daughter and she has her own way of dealing with things. How about you accept that and let go for your part?

Being true to oneself is one of the most important lessons we are trying to teach our daughters (they are now about half LP's age). The most demanding / complex part of it may well be how to combine personal integrity with living in a society, working and communicating with other people. I expect to be learning about that for as long as my brain will work.

Peace.

Well, that's kind of exactly what I was trying to say but with different words. Being true to yourself is sometimes a complex learning experience. Sometimes it works for you and sometimes against you. All I was trying to say is just that. To take this whole episode as a learning experience.

I was only trying to be supportive and I have nothing to let go since I'm not stuck in this. Why are you dissing me about it? Well, never mind, it don't matter, as we all are allowed to express our thoughts.

[lordpasternack]

Thanks a lot for that, Kiki and Ronja.

Just briefly, though - I feel the need to set the record straight one last time - with some fairly representative samples of the persistent harassment and out-and-out hate-mail that I so frequently and obsessively shoved down Richard's throat:











I really am not lying when I say that is pretty run-of-the-mill for what I'd send him. It's up there with my 'blackmail', isn't it? Now, yes, when I latch onto something that riles or excites me, I can really lose a sense of perspective and proportion and push things too far - especially in writing, but spates of such were the exception, rather than the rule. Now, the emails may have been too frequent, too 'obsessive' for his liking - but they really were generally benign - and it is just so unfair what Richard said in his moment of petulance to you Kiki.

And I feel the need to set the record straight since the accusations were posted publicly, and otherwise responded to publicly here. I can't live with people thinking I'm a crazed bastard who perpetually and compulsively sends unhinged, abusive, obsessive emails to people - particularly when it's just not true. I have my foibles. I can be a bit Asperger-ish at times, and I can be prone to obsession and fixation - but I really am genuinely mostly harmless.

I just needed to get that out of my system.