Schneibster wrote:I'm not gonna argue with someone's emotions. Think then speak. Drop the emotionalism. It's not a very good substitute for thought. Gallstones has caught on. Watch her. She's smart.
Thank you for the compliment.
You need to know though that my emotionalism blows hades' out of the water.
I can link you to my last meltdown, it was a little over a year ago.
I have an incurable disorder and refuse treatment.
But, I function like an overachiever most of the time.
I am not a danger to others, but my perspective can change in an instant and I can be a hairs breath away from self harm.
My family taught me to be ashamed of what I probably inherited from them, and they blame me for it.
I have learned how to pretend to be "normal" during the bad times (I'm probably in denial about how well this serves me)--a sort of dysfunctional cognitive self-treatment.
It is a survival skill.
I only found dignity by reading a book.
Today I am doing quite well. But I am coming off four days of doing not well at all, where it was as bad as it gets.
Thing is I have a lifetime of familiarity with the volatility of my state of mind. Day follows night follows day follows night.....I ride it out. Someday, I might not bear up to the bad time. Someday I might decide I've had enough and stop the whole process once and for all. But if I do, I will do it alone.
Thing is, I don't feel there is anything to be fixed. And I will not alter what is my "normal", pharmaceutically suppress aspects of myself to please those who would have me changed to facilitate their comfort. I tried them, cocktails of drugs for many years. Drugs won't make me "normal". I do not speak for anyone but myself. I know people who have the same disorder who are grateful for what the right drugs can do for them. It is just not a choice I make.