The latest ecological gravey-train

[mistermack]

A friend of mine recently put in for planning permission to demolish a tatty old cottage on a few acres of land, and build an expensive modern house, worth approaching a million pounds.

On top of all the usual costs, which have been growing through the years, he was hit with a new one, that I've not heard of before.
The council demanded a bat report.
There are no bats in the old house, there is nowhere for them to roost, but they still want it.

He got one man to come out, and he stood in the drive, said "there is no chance of bats in that building, I can tell from here" and looked him in the eye, and said that if he wanted it in writing, it was £1200.

If there are bats, and they have to be moved, the sky's the limit.

I'm inquiring now how to get qualified !!!!! ( or buy a certificate )
It's a license to print money !

Apparently all that they do to detect the bats, is to play a high-pitched ultra-sonic sound through loudspeakers, and record the ustrasonic squeaks of the bats when they answer !
I can do that now, no prob.

And all it's going to do, is to encourage people to get rid of any bats that might be in their buildings, in case they ever need planning.

It's a similar case for garden ponds, and newts, apparently.

[FBM]

£937 is my best offer. He'll have to pay postage, however.

[Rum]

This is totally bats!

[mistermack]

£937 is my best offer. He'll have to pay postage, however.

He eventually, through a friend of a friend of an acquaintance, got it done for £300, as a big favour.
Even then, that's money for old rope.
Just emit a squeak, record the lack of squeaks, and sign it off.
Less than an hour's work. Nice.

And moving the bats just involves netting them, and releasing them in a good bat area. And that's mega-bucks.

Anybody with a country house is going to take steps to get rid of bats, once the word gets around.
And fill in the garden pond, and dump all the newts, before you apply for planning permission.

It's a self defeating policy.

[FBM]

OK, tell him £258 and I'll deliver the letter in person. Tattooed across my face. Or my mother's face. She's an old bat, so it should have more significance that way, anyway.

[Tyrannical]

For £50, I'll say I removed and relocated all of the bats as the law requires

[FBM]

£39.50 and I'll give the Queen a right prodding.

[Clinton Huxley]

The Huxley Industries Bat-B-Gone Steam Bat Remover retails at £25....

[Rum]

There is of course this to encourage their um..mobility.

Trigger Warning!!!1! :

[Tero]

Who said socialism didn't create jobs? Obama could appoint 10 000 bat inspectors tomorrow. Or 10 000 new ones.

[mistermack]

I have an aunt in Ireland who has bad eyesight.

A couple of years ago, we were there for Christmas. It was an extremely cold winter, and a bat started flying around the big living room. It had a high ceiling, and lots of pictures hanging on the walls, so the bat would disappear behind a picture and rest for long periods, and then reappear and fly in circles around the room.

I worked out what was making it emerge from hiding. She had one of those ultra-sonic mouse deterrents, and as soon as you turned it on, the bat started flying around.
She couldn't even see it, her eyesight is so bad. She didn't know it was there.

I got rid of it eventually when it flew into a cabinet, and I closed the door, and took it out into an outhouse. I bet it felt the cold after that !

[Horwood Beer-Master]

A friend of mine recently put in for planning permission to demolish a tatty old cottage on a few acres of land, and build an expensive modern house, worth approaching a million pounds...

I ran-out of potential sympathy somewhere through this sentence.

[Woodbutcher]

I have an aunt in Ireland who has bad eyesight.

A couple of years ago, we were there for Christmas. It was an extremely cold winter, and a bat started flying around the big living room. It had a high ceiling, and lots of pictures hanging on the walls, so the bat would disappear behind a picture and rest for long periods, and then reappear and fly in circles around the room.

I worked out what was making it emerge from hiding. She had one of those ultra-sonic mouse deterrents, and as soon as you turned it on, the bat started flying around.
She couldn't even see it, her eyesight is so bad. She didn't know it was there.

I got rid of it eventually when it flew into a cabinet, and I closed the door, and took it out into an outhouse. I bet it felt the cold after that !

Did your aunt have a belfry?

[mistermack]

A friend of mine recently put in for planning permission to demolish a tatty old cottage on a few acres of land, and build an expensive modern house, worth approaching a million pounds...

I ran-out of potential sympathy somewhere through this sentence.

I don't think he's looking for sympathy.
Anyway, it's his mother's old house, she was just over 100 when she died. And the money gets split six ways. Nobody's getting rich on it. Except the bat man.

[mistermack]

Did your aunt have a belfry?

She is a bit batty.