U.K. is not a synonym of England

[laklak]

Rum, sodomy and the lash...

Oooo, you silver tongued devil, you!

[klr]

PS - bring the Royal Navy with you, please, just in case...

So, you rike sairor boy? We got sairor boy, prenty prenty. Fi dorrar, you rike.

Rum, sodomy and the lash...

Oddly enough, the painting I posted above - The Raft of the Medusa - was used as the cover for an album by The Pogues:


No coincidence. Once I saw the Royal Navy being mentioned, I knew there'd be an opportunity to work this in somehow.

[Svartalf]

Pog mo thoin

[Cormac]

Pog mo thoin

No thank you.

[MiM]

Another one. I guess the term "invaded" has been used rather liberally to create this map

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/history/9653 ... bourg.html

[MiM]

Stolen from fb:


To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictio
nary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

-----------------

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

-------------------

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

-------------------

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

---------------------

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

--------------------

13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

---------------

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!



PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

[Red Celt]

Funny, but a little dated. Well, it's been updated to include Cameron, but the original one (that I saw) predated Obama. It was penned during the reign of George W Bush (hence the "In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA" comment).

Still... if Romney wins the election, it has good grounds to do the rounds once again.

[Svartalf]

Pog mo thoin

No thank you.

Damn, in that blackface I took you for a Merkin president, sorry.

[Rum]

PS - bring the Royal Navy with you, please, just in case...

So, you rike sairor boy? We got sairor boy, prenty prenty. Fi dorrar, you rike.

Rum, sodomy and the lash...

Who's been talking?! I don't go to those sort of parties anymore!

[Red Celt]

Another one. I guess the term "invaded" has been used rather liberally to create this map

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/history/9653 ... bourg.html

Rather remarkable, given the size of the country that did all of that "invading", and yes... it's a rather loose term, considering what it's including in the list. Plus, some of them weren't actually countries in the first place. They were land-masses, up for grabs (even if the locals didn't agree with that categorisation).

[Red Celt]

Rum, sodomy and the lash...

Possibly my favourite Pogues album... and, yes, I am a fan.

In fact, I think that I'll listen to it now. This essay needs some sweaty balls in it to man it up, some.

[Svartalf]

the Wild Catss of Kilkenny and Guns for Paddy Garcia... the Pogues at their instrumental finest, plus Cait O'Riordan at the bass...

[Red Celt]

Damn, the Rum, Sodomy and the Lash folder on my drive is incomplete. I think I only have it on tape. Been a while. Ah well, downloading.

Thankfully, If I Should Fall From The Grace of God is complete.

[Rum]

Slightly more indicative of the colonial reach of the Europeans. The lands they took were not exactly 'up for grabs' though. They were vulnerable lands and people not organised into nation states for the most part. At least two major genocides were involved. An estimated ten million Africans in the Belgian Congo, and about 90% of Australian Aboriginal peoples.

[Red Celt]

So Spain and Portugal didn't carve-up South America? That map looks like an unfinished composition. Also, in what timeframe? Land was grabbed and counter-grabbed. It wasn't one unchanging pretty pattern.