Alien Ultimatum

[Thumpalumpacus]

I'd blame it all on the Indonesians, and hope that serves to mollify these aliens.

I'd also invest in Raytheon stock.

[JimC]

So much gin, so little time...

[Animavore]

The ultimatum would bring out the best and the worst in us, but the worst would win out because that shit always stinks the place up for everybody.

• "If only the aliens God had announced and evacuation program for all the well-intention, good-hearted people - surely their superior technology could have sifted the wheat from the chaff? The Good could then have reseed the planet and developed hand in hand with the enlightened alien races One. The achievements of humanity would not have been rendered some fantastically pointless.
  
  Seems a shame to waste a whole town just because some of its citizens ain't too nice."
  • Epitaph scrawled on a wall somewhere.

Nothing changes in the way we think

Why would aliens even do this?

Man I hate silly "what if?" questions.

[Thinking Aloud]

"That ants' nest in the garden is definitely getting bigger. Look - there's three of the buggers in the kitchen today. One last week too. We're going to have to do something: if they find their way into the cupboards, and they will..."

The following morning.

"Now then, you ants, you're becoming a nuisance. When I get back from the shops, I'm afraid I'm going to have to poison you. Unless, that is, you show that you're going to change your behaviour."

Later.

"Awww! Look! They're waving placards!"

[Audley Strange]

Its not been said???!!!

I for one welcome our new alien overlords.

Also I'd try some logic (which I am shit at but...) on them. So you go around the galaxy exterminating races eh? and you do this to stop those races becoming powerful enough to exterminate other races eh? Are you dipshits Mass Effect 3? Now take your fucking tin scarecrows and your designer flu and fuck right off back to where you came from and annihilate yourselves you assholes.

Then as leader of the New World Government I'd exterminate half of you lot myself, just for shits n giggles.

[Mysturji]

Its not been said???!!!

I for one welcome our new alien overlords.

Also I'd try some logic (which I am shit at but...) on them. So you go around the galaxy exterminating races eh? and you do this to stop those races becoming powerful enough to exterminate other races eh? Are you dipshits Mass Effect 3? Now take your fucking tin scarecrows and your designer flu and fuck right off back to where you came from and annihilate yourselves you assholes.

Then as leader of the New World Government I'd exterminate half of you lot myself, just for shits n giggles.

That's what I said. Without the shits and giggles.

[Audley Strange]

Its not been said???!!!

I for one welcome our new alien overlords.

Also I'd try some logic (which I am shit at but...) on them. So you go around the galaxy exterminating races eh? and you do this to stop those races becoming powerful enough to exterminate other races eh? Are you dipshits Mass Effect 3? Now take your fucking tin scarecrows and your designer flu and fuck right off back to where you came from and annihilate yourselves you assholes.

Then as leader of the New World Government I'd exterminate half of you lot myself, just for shits n giggles.

That's what I said. Without the shits and giggles.

Then Mr J, you must die!!!!

[Mysturji]

Its not been said???!!!

I for one welcome our new alien overlords.

Also I'd try some logic (which I am shit at but...) on them. So you go around the galaxy exterminating races eh? and you do this to stop those races becoming powerful enough to exterminate other races eh? Are you dipshits Mass Effect 3? Now take your fucking tin scarecrows and your designer flu and fuck right off back to where you came from and annihilate yourselves you assholes.

Then as leader of the New World Government I'd exterminate half of you lot myself, just for shits n giggles.

That's what I said. Without the shits and giggles.

Then Mr J, you must die!!!!

It's Mister G!!!!! It's French!
(Well, 1/4 French Canadian on my Mother's side)

[Brian Peacock]

French my arse.

[Clinton Huxley]

French my arse.

Ewwww.....

[Ian]

Announce to the aliens that mankind will be brought under a single, one-world government. The structure of that body will be based on the US Federal Government, since it is obvious that this is the system that works best. Secretly, intense research & development efforts will proceed toward the goal of one day obliterating these aliens in a military attack. In the meantime, we will humbly ask the aliens what conditions need to be met before mankind might be trusted to leave their solar system.

[John_fi_Skye]

I volunteer to go and invite the alien leader to a football match in the English Championship (or whatever euphemism their second division is now known by). He or she will die of boredom.

[Coito ergo sum]

It's the day the earth stood still. Aliens land and tell the people of earth that they have nothing the aliens want but represent a danger to smarter and more peaceful worlds, should pesky humans ever climb out of the gravity well. So they'll destroy all human life with a lethal virus in six weeks, along with 'robot scavengers' to pick off the stragglers. You have that much time to either change or come up with a plausible 'famous last line'. So how would you as a individual change and how would you see people on earth change in that six weeks? Do you see people organising a world government? Being nicer or what?

It's impossible for people to change in that amount of time.

The fact that the aliens would even suggest it implies to me that either they aren't very bright, or are sadists who want to see the ants scurry while they chase them with sunlight through a magnifying glass.

I wouldn't change a bit, since I am extraordinarily intelligent, amazingly witty, devastatingly handsome, a snappy dresser, and I am humble and modest in all things. Therefore, I will simply petition the aliens to be excluded from their order.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

We could offer them huge amounts of Budweiser.



They'd leave in disgust.

[Atheist-Lite]

It takes over two weeks to perfect a virus with the required potency but the remaining time is necessary to get all the cameras in place.