redunderthebed wrote:School teacher in Collingwood asks the class who supports Collingwood....All put their hands up except Billy....The teacher askes who he supports & Billy says Carlton...Teacher asked why & Billy says My parents both come from Carlton & they support Carlton and so do I. The teacher says " You don't have to copy your parents, what would you do if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a Burglar? Billy answered I'd support Collingwood like you bastard's
Q: Australia Post withdrawn all their crows stamps from sale why did they do that?
A: People got confused they didn't know which side to spit on
The Aussie Rules thread
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Witticism
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: Erwin, admit that you are a sinner.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicap person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicap person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.
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fordo
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
are there still pubs left in collingwood?JimC wrote:A Rugby bloke with a sloping forehead and a persistent desire to be involved in mass gropes scrums full of big hairy men? :twisted:Pappa wrote:I knew an Aussie who called Aussie Rules Football "Gay FL".
Tell him to state that opinion during saturday night in a Collingwood pub...
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A Monkey Shaved
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Great the Saints are doing well without their skipper Riewoldt even though it is kind of a shame he will be out for most of the season with that hamstring injury. However Brenden Goddard is going from strenght to strength. He is just so super fit it amazes me.
Just because more people believe Jesus is the son of God and not the son of Satan does not make it any truer.
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Witticism
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.
Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.
Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.
Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should
you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!
Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A. Because a Lexus has four seats.
Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
BUT WAIT - THERE'S MORE....
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of
her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch
this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the
Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its
wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol
is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
A. Society.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.
Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.
Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.
Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should
you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!
Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A. Because a Lexus has four seats.
Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
BUT WAIT - THERE'S MORE....
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of
her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch
this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the
Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its
wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol
is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: Erwin, admit that you are a sinner.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicap person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicap person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.
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Goldenmane
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Yep. Describes me to a T.
I came here to sneer at the Cats and JimC. Stayed to see what was going on. Oh, yeah, blasphemy is a victimless crime.
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JimC
- The sentimental bloke
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Ah, Collingwood...
The club that launched a thousand jokes, and the venom of all other supporters...
And Pies supporters just love it, it provides an esprit de corps...
(which they may well think is embalming fluid...)
The club that launched a thousand jokes, and the venom of all other supporters...
And Pies supporters just love it, it provides an esprit de corps...
(which they may well think is embalming fluid...)
Nurse, where the fuck's my cardigan?
And my gin!
And my gin!
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Witticism
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Isn't it aftershave made from dead people?JimC wrote:Ah, Collingwood...
The club that launched a thousand jokes, and the venom of all other supporters...
And Pies supporters just love it, it provides an esprit de corps...
(which they may well think is embalming fluid...)
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: Erwin, admit that you are a sinner.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicap person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicap person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.
-
JimC
- The sentimental bloke
- Posts: 74094
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- About me: To be serious about gin requires years of dedicated research.
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Well, red, you got your miracle! Your whole team should be drug tested, they looked like a completely different outfit! 
Nurse, where the fuck's my cardigan?
And my gin!
And my gin!
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redunderthebed
- Commie Bastard
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- Location: Port Lincoln Australia
- Contact:
Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Only thing they would test positive for is marijuana and coopers beer.JimC wrote:Well, red, you got your miracle! Your whole team should be drug tested, they looked like a completely different outfit!
The Pope was today knocked down at the start of Christmas mass by a woman who hopped over the barriers. The woman was said to be, "Mentally unstable."Trolldor wrote:Ahh cardinal Pell. He's like a monkey after a lobotomy and three lines of cocaine.
Which is probably why she went unnoticed among a crowd of Christians.
Cormac wrote: One thing of which I am certain. The world is a better place with you in it. Stick around please. The universe will eventually get around to offing all of us. No need to help it in its efforts...
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Goldenmane
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Where's a Bombers supporter when you need (to gloat at) one?
I came here to sneer at the Cats and JimC. Stayed to see what was going on. Oh, yeah, blasphemy is a victimless crime.
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JimC
- The sentimental bloke
- Posts: 74094
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Well, you can gloat over almost everybody other than Pies supporters. The default position for most of us is to support anybody playing against the Pies (red may make an exception for the Crows...)Goldenmane wrote:Where's a Bombers supporter when you need (to gloat at) one?
Hard to say whether the Pies were awesome yesterday, or the Bombers were ordinary. First quarter was a Blitzkrieg, alright...
Nurse, where the fuck's my cardigan?
And my gin!
And my gin!
Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Are there aussie rules? I cant seem to fathom any at all apart from hit the guy with the egg.
Outside the ordered universe is that amorphous blight of nethermost confusion which blasphemes and bubbles at the center of all infinity—the boundless daemon sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time and space amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes.
Code: Select all
// Replaces with spaces the braces in cases where braces in places cause stasis
$str = str_replace(array("\{","\}")," ",$str);-
Goldenmane
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
*innocent*Ghatanothoa wrote:Are there aussie rules? I cant seem to fathom any at all apart from hit the guy with the egg.
Here, hold this egg...
I came here to sneer at the Cats and JimC. Stayed to see what was going on. Oh, yeah, blasphemy is a victimless crime.
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redunderthebed
- Commie Bastard
- Posts: 6556
- Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2009 2:13 pm
- About me: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in each hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
- Location: Port Lincoln Australia
- Contact:
Re: The Aussie Rules thread
Last year with the whole media here in mourning after the pies had knocked out the cows was a sight to behold.JimC wrote: (red may make an exception for the Crows...)
The Pope was today knocked down at the start of Christmas mass by a woman who hopped over the barriers. The woman was said to be, "Mentally unstable."Trolldor wrote:Ahh cardinal Pell. He's like a monkey after a lobotomy and three lines of cocaine.
Which is probably why she went unnoticed among a crowd of Christians.
Cormac wrote: One thing of which I am certain. The world is a better place with you in it. Stick around please. The universe will eventually get around to offing all of us. No need to help it in its efforts...
-
Witticism
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Re: The Aussie Rules thread
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Carlton beat Geelong
Carlton beat Geelong
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: Erwin, admit that you are a sinner.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicap person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.
Fletch: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any Polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
Fletch: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a handicap spot on my way up here. Actually, on a handicap person. I told him I'd be back in five minutes, so that's not such a big deal.
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