Benevolent Sexism

[Coito ergo sum]

I always assume chivalrous behavior towards me is done out of civility and politeness.

Isn't the idea of the benevolent sexism is that the civility and politeness in question is only extended to women, by and large, generally speaking? I think that's what the article is getting at. If it's politeness and civility to offer to lift boxes for a woman, but not a man, that's the benevolent sexism.

I am kind and considerate to pretty much everyone. I hold open the door for anyone - male or female and I offer my seat on the train or bus (long time since I took a bus mind you) to anyone who looks like they need it more than me - male or female. That just about covers it as far as I am concerned, even though some years ago now - maybe ten years - when I held the door open for a female stranger, she looked daggers at me.

Her problem, not mine.

Yes. Precisely

I'm holding the door open because it's civil thing to do, it doesn't matter who's at the other side. If someone wants to assume some hidden or subconcious motivation to my actions, that's their baggage. I'm beginning to think some of our psychologists are engaged in a form of literary criticism, infering elaborate intent from nothing.

Exactly.

It's extremely rare, indeed, to have a woman hold the door open, and wait for men to proceed through, and it is almost as rare to have a man open the door and wait for another man to proceed through. While the idea of doing that for women doesn't bother me - if the suggestion being made is that holding doors is a matter done out of civility to everyone equally, then that is certainly not the general practice. I think if folks here are holding doors open for men as a matter of general practice, then they would be among a very tiny minority of folks who do so.

[Coito ergo sum]

Yeah, just shut up and find some heavy boxes to lift.

Just like a woman....

[Bella Fortuna]

Yeah, just shut up and find some heavy boxes to lift.

Just like a woman....

Typical man.

[Coito ergo sum]

Yeah, just shut up and find some heavy boxes to lift.

My car needs an oil change too.

LOL - She Who Must Be Obeyed can even get mad at me if her car goes over mileage on the oil change... I'm like "WTF? How hard is it to stop at the Jiffy Lube one while passing by...." But, alas, I am too old and set in my ways....the men take care of the cars...the men take out the garbage...the men mow the lawn...the men fix things, lift things, and build things...and the men take care of the electronics.... Just feels right to me at this stage...

[Rum]

It's extremely rare, indeed, to have a woman hold the door open, and wait for men to proceed through, and it is almost as rare to have a man open the door and wait for another man to proceed through. While the idea of doing that for women doesn't bother me - if the suggestion being made is that holding doors is a matter done out of civility to everyone equally, then that is certainly not the general practice. I think if folks here are holding doors open for men as a matter of general practice, then they would be among a very tiny minority of folks who do so.

Neither of these is true (in the UK anyway) in my experience. Civility is the key, not condescension.

[Coito ergo sum]

Yeah, just shut up and find some heavy boxes to lift.

Just like a woman....

Typical man.

Sounds like a good arrangement to me!

[Coito ergo sum]

It's extremely rare, indeed, to have a woman hold the door open, and wait for men to proceed through, and it is almost as rare to have a man open the door and wait for another man to proceed through. While the idea of doing that for women doesn't bother me - if the suggestion being made is that holding doors is a matter done out of civility to everyone equally, then that is certainly not the general practice. I think if folks here are holding doors open for men as a matter of general practice, then they would be among a very tiny minority of folks who do so.

Neither of these is true (in the UK anyway) in my experience. Civility is the key, not condescension.

Well, I can't speak for the UK, and if you say that it is common for a woman to stand before walking through a doorway, and hold the door waiting for a man to walk through ahead of her, then I accept your experience as accurate. It is very rare here in the US.

I can't imagine the act of holding a door open for a woman to be condescending, and I can't possibly think of a way that condescension could be interpreted by it, unless the guy holding the door says something like "here you go, honey.. let me get that big, heavy door for your frail, little self..." -- which, I must admit, I've never heard of happening.

[Coito ergo sum]

Yeah, just shut up and find some heavy boxes to lift.

My car needs an oil change too.

But how will we get out of this room if no one opens the door?

One option might be to be carried over the threshold...

[Callan]

It's extremely rare, indeed, to have a woman hold the door open, and wait for men to proceed through, and it is almost as rare to have a man open the door and wait for another man to proceed through. While the idea of doing that for women doesn't bother me - if the suggestion being made is that holding doors is a matter done out of civility to everyone equally, then that is certainly not the general practice. I think if folks here are holding doors open for men as a matter of general practice, then they would be among a very tiny minority of folks who do so.

Neither of these is true (in the UK anyway) in my experience. Civility is the key, not condescension.

Well, I can't speak for the UK, and if you say that it is common for a woman to stand before walking through a doorway, and hold the door waiting for a man to walk through ahead of her, then I accept your experience as accurate. It is very rare here in the US.

Ahem.
http://rationalia.com/forum/viewtopic.p ... 83#p993936

[Coito ergo sum]

It's extremely rare, indeed, to have a woman hold the door open, and wait for men to proceed through, and it is almost as rare to have a man open the door and wait for another man to proceed through. While the idea of doing that for women doesn't bother me - if the suggestion being made is that holding doors is a matter done out of civility to everyone equally, then that is certainly not the general practice. I think if folks here are holding doors open for men as a matter of general practice, then they would be among a very tiny minority of folks who do so.

Neither of these is true (in the UK anyway) in my experience. Civility is the key, not condescension.

Well, I can't speak for the UK, and if you say that it is common for a woman to stand before walking through a doorway, and hold the door waiting for a man to walk through ahead of her, then I accept your experience as accurate. It is very rare here in the US.

Ahem.
http://rationalia.com/forum/viewtopic.p ... 83#p993936

It's still very rare....

[maiforpeace]

Yeah, just shut up and find some heavy boxes to lift.

My car needs an oil change too.

LOL - She Who Must Be Obeyed can even get mad at me if her car goes over mileage on the oil change... I'm like "WTF? How hard is it to stop at the Jiffy Lube one while passing by...." But, alas, I am too old and set in my ways....the men take care of the cars...the men take out the garbage...the men mow the lawn...the men fix things, lift things, and build things...and the men take care of the electronics.... Just feels right to me at this stage...

Neither my husband nor I are mechanically inclined, so I take care of my car and get my oil changed at the dealer, he takes care of his and goes to Jiffy Lube. On occasion he smears some antifog on my windshield, and on occasion I'll vacumn his car out.

My husband says one of the things that made him fall in love with me is that I was electronically inclined enough to have a full surround sound system before they were mainstream. I wear that badge proudly.

[Jason]

I suppose it becomes benevolent sexism when a man has some preconceived idea of why a woman should be deserving of such chivalry.

Oh fuck off. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

How are you going to determine the intent of the man who just opened the door for you? Interrogate him?

This study is total bullshit and yet another example of how the social sciences are complete bollocks.

[maiforpeace]

I suppose it becomes benevolent sexism when a man has some preconceived idea of why a woman should be deserving of such chivalry.

Oh fuck off. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

How are you going to determine the intent of the man who just opened the door for you? Interrogate him?

This study is total bullshit and yet another example of how the social sciences are complete bollocks.

Don't know if you saw this but:

I always assume chivalrous behavior towards me is done out of civility and politeness.

Social sciences aren't complete bollocks.

I dunno about this study though, that's why I said "I suppose"- I don't read it that way either and always assume good intentions from people...if they have another intention, that's their business. All this stuff is quickly becoming a thing of the past anyway...the distinctions are already quite blurry. I think in general most people are grateful if they get treated with politeness and civility regardless of gender.

[Jason]

I suppose it becomes benevolent sexism when a man has some preconceived idea of why a woman should be deserving of such chivalry.

Oh fuck off. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

How are you going to determine the intent of the man who just opened the door for you? Interrogate him?

This study is total bullshit and yet another example of how the social sciences are complete bollocks.

Don't know if you saw this but:

I always assume chivalrous behavior towards me is done out of civility and politeness.

Social sciences aren't complete bollocks.

I dunno about this study though, that's why I said "I suppose"- I don't read it that way either and always assume good intentions from people...if they have another intention, that's their business. All this stuff is quickly becoming a thing of the past anyway...the distinctions are already quite blurry. I think in general most people are grateful if they get treated with politeness and civility regardless of gender.

OK, not complete bollocks. Just mostly.

Sorry, I must have misunderstood you. My apologies my dear lady.

[fordo]