Fake Tears, Fake Emotions?

[FBM]

The more I experience, the more reluctant I am to try to generalize.

Clearly, increasing age causes generalising reluctance...

Well, perhaps, but I wouldn't say always, but then again on the other hand, only in my experience you understand, I must say I'm not comfortable with taking a firm position on this.

I'm just going to step back and fully assess this post before committing myself to a reply.

[Pappa]

I don't think all people who resort to emotional manipulation to get what they want are consciously aware of what they're doing. For a lot of people it's a learned response, and they do feel upset at the time.

[Audley Strange]

I don't think all people who resort to emotional manipulation to get what they want are consciously aware of what they're doing. For a lot of people it's a learned response, and they do feel upset at the time.

I agree, but I'm not even sure it's learned, crying to get things seems inherent.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

When I worked for State Farm we had a secretary that was constantly on the phone to her hubby and kids. When she wanted them to do something she'd start crying. As soon as the point was made she was just fine, not even a sniffle. I tried to stay as far from her as I could.

[hadespussercats]

I don't think all people who resort to emotional manipulation to get what they want are consciously aware of what they're doing. For a lot of people it's a learned response, and they do feel upset at the time.

I agree, but I'm not even sure it's learned, crying to get things seems inherent.

Sprog agrees with you.

[Audley Strange]

I don't think all people who resort to emotional manipulation to get what they want are consciously aware of what they're doing. For a lot of people it's a learned response, and they do feel upset at the time.

I agree, but I'm not even sure it's learned, crying to get things seems inherent.

Sprog agrees with you.

Sprog is wise.

[hadespussercats]

I don't think all people who resort to emotional manipulation to get what they want are consciously aware of what they're doing. For a lot of people it's a learned response, and they do feel upset at the time.

I agree, but I'm not even sure it's learned, crying to get things seems inherent.

Sprog agrees with you.

Sprog is wise.

He is.

In fact, he's starting to learn that flirting/looking adorable is an even better way to get what he wants. It's disciplinarian kryptonite.

[JimC]

I don't think all people who resort to emotional manipulation to get what they want are consciously aware of what they're doing. For a lot of people it's a learned response, and they do feel upset at the time.

Agreed, but I think there's a fairly smooth continuum from the fully unaware, though those who who tend to do it on reflex, but are at least partly aware of it as a successful strategy, through to a relatively small number of fully conscious manipulators...

[mistermack]

Tears make me horny.
Is that the same for other men? More than once, I've been cried into bed when I was determined not to.

I hated myself afterwards.

[SteveB]

Sounds like some of these people who fake these kinds of things suffer from histrionic personality disorder.

Some symptoms include: (Wiki ) Still well sourced.

Exhibitionist behavior
Constant seeking of reassurance or approval
Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval
Pride of own personality and unwillingness to change, viewing any change as a threat
Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior
A need to be the center of attention
Rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear superficial or exaggerated to others
Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are
Making rash decisions

This is also interesting: "Little research has been conducted to determine the biological sources, if any, of this disorder. Psychoanalytic theories incriminate authoritarian or distant attitudes by one (mainly the mother) or both of parents, along with conditional love based on expectations the child can never fully meet."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic ... y_disorder

[hadespussercats]

Sounds like some of these people who fake these kinds of things suffer from histrionic personality disorder.

Some symptoms include: (Wiki ) Still well sourced.

Exhibitionist behavior
Constant seeking of reassurance or approval
Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval
Pride of own personality and unwillingness to change, viewing any change as a threat
Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior
A need to be the center of attention
Rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear superficial or exaggerated to others
Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are
Making rash decisions

This is also interesting: "Little research has been conducted to determine the biological sources, if any, of this disorder. Psychoanalytic theories incriminate authoritarian or distant attitudes by one (mainly the mother) or both of parents, along with conditional love based on expectations the child can never fully meet."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic ... y_disorder

That is interesting. What was your relationship with your mother like?

[SteveB]

She's 2000 miles away atm, so it's pretty good.

[hadespussercats]

She's 2000 miles away atm, so it's pretty good.

I've got to tell you, HPD sounds like every teenager ever, pretty much.

[Coito ergo sum]

There is a lot of anecdotal evidence that women can fake tears and other emotions more than is healthy. Is this true and are there any studies in socio-pathological differences between men and women? I wonder if men play the long game on 'the faking it' scene and therefore get into politics whilst women play a game with a more direct return and become 'gold-diggers' for want of a better term?

I don't know about faking it, but I can tell you that my lifetime of experience tells me that they do cry and become upset much easier than men. Obviously, ladies, there are exceptions and not everyone is the same, but by and large, I think this is true.

I've had to learn over the years to do a lot of deflecting and flanking moves in "fights" with girlfriends and my wife. Lesson number one, for the young guys, is that you can't generally win an argument with a woman. Because, what happens when you win is that they get shown that they were being unreasonable for being upset or were otherwise wrong. This wins the battle but loses the war, because they become even more upset at having lost the argument or at realizing that they were upset needlessly that they become even more emotional. You then have to apologize for not being wrong in order for them to start to calm down. Also, lesson number two, sometimes they're upset with you even though you haven't done anything wrong, and even though there is nothing you can do about it. So, sometimes, you have to just step left, and let the emotions and tears run their course. In that situation, trying to "fix it" only causes them to get more pissed off or upset.

My opinion on faking it is that I think women probably do fake being upset or crying more than men, because they can get away with it. Men don't get the mileage out of crying over minor things that women can. Women's tears are taken more seriously.

[hadespussercats]

I cry easily. Genuine crying, I mean. And I've gotta say, my experience is that the minute I start crying, I've lost the argument. No one believes you can talk sense when water's leaking out your eyes.

I've been working on it, a loooong. time. I'm better about being able to "man up" than I once was. It's never been something I've turned on to get something I want. Besides which, generally, I don't think that works. People find tears really off-putting, for the most part.