Acceptance

[Rum]

They say that acceptance can bring peace to your life. That's what they say right?

Personally I am unable to find the ability to accept things - even the ones I cannot change. I hate every damned thing that I'm supposed to accept - from getting old, to mortality, to the way the world seems to be going to hell - well the list is long.

I expect a very grumpy (very) old age as it develops and I suspect I will continue not to accept it.

How about you?

[Svartalf]

I try to accept my life and its drawbacks, it doesn't bring peace, I'm on the brink of another major depression episode

[Rum]

I try to accept my life and its drawbacks, it doesn't bring peace, I'm on the brink of another major depression episode

Sorry to hear it Svarty. Try a few alcohol free days maybe? Can be surprisingly effective.

[Svartalf]

I'm generally sober (or on caffeine) when my morale is at the lowest... being head med free helps clear the head, but a clear head makes for a more painful view of existence

[Sean Hayden]

I practice continual embarrassment. I'm embarrassed to bitch about my life. I'm embarrassed to pretend to have my finger on the pulse of the world. I'm embarrassed to hate death, yadda, yadda.

[Rum]

I'm generally sober (or on caffeine) when my morale is at the lowest... being head med free helps clear the head, but a clear head makes for a more painful view of existence

OK. We all have our own crosses to carry I guess. Personally when I get really down it is at least in part because I have been drinking too much red wine (I have a drink every evening). I take a break for a couple of weeks and feel a whole lot better.

That is until Autumn. I'm dreading the winter months - I seem to be more affected every year.

Apologies for the gloom.

[Svartalf]

well, stopping alcohole can't be a bad thing, more over, it's a means to save money, so your advice has great value... also, IF I'm seeking a clear head, alcohol is an obstacle to it, so stopping the demon's drink can't be such a bad idea...

[devogue]

I find it hard to accept that I received no response from the sales manager at an Australian winery after contacting him several times to consider a request to supply my company with 6,000 nine litre cases of wine worth $300,000 per year.

I have now sourced the wine elsewhere and because I can't accept the staggering twattishness of said sales manager's ineptitude and sheer fucking rudeness I am going to write a devoggy email to the owner of the winery explaining this.

[Rum]

Just accept your inner cuntishness Dev and the world will be a happier place for you.

[Forty Two]

A key help, I've found, is in seeking "perspective" and to purposefully adjust one's expectations.

One of the things that gets people out of whack is an unmet expectation. Change your expectations in life, and the dissatisfaction about it being unmet goes away. An example would be finances -- like, people get depressed and upset by not having met their financial goals or expectations, or having lost money somehow, or gone on hard times. Understand that money isn't real, and that you can be happy without it -- focus on what you do have, and leave the rest.



Choose to love the things you have, and you have so much -- instead of always yearning for the things you're missing - or what it is you're imagining you're missing.

Also perspective - keep it in perspective. As bad as you might think you have it or think you feel, you have it pretty fucking good. Everything is fucking great, even if it sucks. We live better today - even the poorer classes in the West - than royalty through most of human history. Water comes out of a pipe in your sink. You can keep the temperature in your home set within a degree or less of your comfort level. Your roof doesn't leak. You can most likely get in a car and drive 400 miles anytime you want. You can pick up a phone and talk to anyone you care to, pretty much, and you can have someone bring food - hot and ready - to your house pretty much 24-7. If you're sick, you can go to the doctor same day, if you want to, even in the middle of the night.

It's an amazing world we live in, if you choose to see it that way. If you yearn for what you think you don't have, or imagine you don't have, then you'll start thinking the world sucks or life sucks.

Also, another perspective - the same situation, and the same things, can make some people happy, other people neutral, and other people sad. That's because the things and situations don't make us happy or sad - we do - our brains do. Happiness is in your head, not outside. Once you accept that, you can stop looking for happiness where it isn't - in other people and other things and other situations - and find it in your head.

Think of any situation - it's Saturday, and you have to mow the yard, trim the hedges, fix a bunch of stuff around the house, and it's so much you might not be able to do it all, and you won't get to go to the movies or head out to the sports bar today. Does that day suck or is it a great day? The reality is, it's all in your head either way. There are some people out there who would have no interest in a movie or a sports bar, and they would love to do chores around the house. Others hate that and want to go to the movies or sports bars. Why? What's the difference? Is there something inherent in the activities that creates happiness or satisfaction? No! Nothing. Whether we know it or not, we "choose" to be happy or sad about those things. We choose to like them.

If a person is depressed with their life or upset by the world situation, it's because that's what they're choosing to do. Stop it. Choose to be happy and love the things you have and the situation you are in and it can change for you.

One way to try to choose is to change the way you view a situation. Are you faced with a task that you think you don't like? Imagine it from a different perspective. Pretend you are someone who "gets" to do what you're doing, not someone who "has" to do what you're doing. Even death - we don't have to die. We "get" to die. The alternative is never having been born. Never having lived. We get to live, so we get to die. But, people who are really depressed or bothered in life, they view life, the thing many of us most cherish, as a chore and a burden - they "have to" live. What if they imagined how they "get" to live? Even if life sucks, isn't it better than the alternative?

[Forty Two]

I find it hard to accept that I received no response from the sales manager at an Australian winery after contacting him several times to consider a request to supply my company with 6,000 nine litre cases of wine worth $300,000 per year.

I have now sourced the wine elsewhere and because I can't accept the staggering twattishness of said sales manager's ineptitude and sheer fucking rudeness I am going to write a devoggy email to the owner of the winery explaining this.

Choose a different route.

If he has not responded to your contacts, send him a letter directly, and tell him that you are writing to inquire if he is o.k. You have tried to reach him several times to provide him with a significant order, to the tune of $300,000 per year, and his nonresponse meant you had to go elsewhere to fill your requirements. Tell him that you are worried that something horrible must have happened to cause him to miss your communications, and you are hoping he will contact you to let you know he is o.k., and to resolve any issues.

Then, when he calls you back to apologize, politely squeeze him for a sweetheart deal on some additional wine. You might be able to negotiate a cut-rate price.

[Forty Two]

I'm generally sober (or on caffeine) when my morale is at the lowest... being head med free helps clear the head, but a clear head makes for a more painful view of existence

OK. We all have our own crosses to carry I guess. Personally when I get really down it is at least in part because I have been drinking too much red wine (I have a drink every evening). I take a break for a couple of weeks and feel a whole lot better.

That is until Autumn. I'm dreading the winter months - I seem to be more affected every year.

Apologies for the gloom.

Gloom happens.

I can imagine, though, how wonderful your life is. You have a home, and you have red wine, which you get to drink every evening, if you like, and if you don't want to you get to take breaks from it.

Autumn in Britain - so beautiful. You get to take your walks, maybe even with some wine along with you, and see all the fabulous sights, some of which you have shared on this forum. That sounds lovely.

The winter months, yes, indeed, the dread and the gloom. We can talk about how to handle the winter doldrums and gloom, but I think I'll leave it there. From an outside perspective, your life - a retired professional who dedicated his life to helping others - now a bit later in life, but certainly nowhere near done, gets a bit of peace here and there, and gets to do the things you have sometimes shared here. And, you can reflect on the adventurous life you had - I recall you did some traveling in exotic spots in your younger days.

Man, I bet there are at least a few billion people on the planet who would trade you for your life right now. Smile, man. As sucky as the sucky things are, you are, like it or not, on top of the world.

[Forty Two]

Think about this:

[Rum]

42 - unlike some here I get you I think and you have wisdom to share..and you do with some enthusiasm. But if I may say so, you can be a little condescending at times too.

I am quite aware of the privilege I experience - and not the new sense of that word. I am in a miniscule percentage of the population today - and an even smaller one if you look at the last few centuries, never mind further back. I have no money worries, I have a decent marital relationship, a couple of grown up kids doing OK one way and another. None of that makes me unhappy - obviously. I thank my luck and good fortune.

I think my inability to accept life on its own terms and find some sort of consolation or at least accomodation is probably an aspect of my personality and makeup rather than an inability to grasp and appreciate what I have to be grateful for in any intellectual sense.

I grew up an anxious and shy only child. My parents moved regularly because of my dad's job and I went to seventeen schools in all. It make me anxiously alert. sensitive and wondering what the fuck was going on a lot of the time. And although I covered it over and did what most of us do as adults - make it up and pretend, all that never left me. I'm restless, unable to concentrate as much as I wish I could and I have never really found serenity.

I still of course have a great deal to be grateful for.

Enough soul bearing for now. There are people here who will only scoff.

[devogue]

Just accept your inner cuntishness Dev and the world will be a happier place for you.