Acceptance

[Brian Peacock]

Indubitably.

[Forty Two]

Happiness - a rich trust fund kid, who has every advantage in the world - education, wealth, loving parents, entertainment, sex, you name it - he kills himself in a depressed mood, upset at the awfulness of his life. A ghetto kid, just out of jail, self-educated, blue collar, poor, is happier than a pig in slop, loves life and is happy every day he wakes up. Why are there such people in the world? Why can people with everything that is normally on the checklist for happiness - good job, good significant other, money, security, safety, freedom - everything - why can such people be so sad and upset about it, so dissatisfied. And, why can a poor person, who has none of the boxes checked, nevertheless be supremely happy.

Perspective. Expectations. Choosing to love the things you have rather than constantly yearn for the things you don't have, or imagine you don't have.

When I referred to happiness as a "choice", that should not be interpreted to mean that it's "ho hum - I think I'll be happy today - easy peasy, Japanesey." No. It's hard work. It's tough business. It's a choice, but not an easy choice. So much gets us off track. And, by choice I mean that it is up to us and nobody else to adjust our thinking own thinking. Nobody else can do it. No other person. No girlfriend. No boyfriend. No wife. No husband. No house. No car. No bank account. No lottery win. No job. No pay raise. No Presidential election. Nothing. Nothing outside of us is the mechanism that makes us happy.

If you get happy because of a job, it's because of your expectations and perspective. The job has no intrinsic happiness or sadness, good or bad to it. You may get your dream job, but it's another person's hell. It's a step up to you, because of expectations and perspective - it's a step down to someone else, who has different expectations or perspective.

That's the thing of it.

Some other factors to happiness -

Some dissatisfaction can come from what we perceive others doing or saying. So, another way of viewing the perspective and expectations - a tool to use in addressing other people and how our brains handle them -- is to try not to take anything personally, ever. Nothing anyone says or does is because of you. Everything they do or say is a projection of their own perspective on reality. When you are immune to the actions of others, you will stop needless suffering you're causing yourself because of your brain's reaction to other people. If someone doesn't like you, don't take it personally. If they insult you. Don't take it personally. If they rip you off, or harm you or bother you. Nothing they do is because of you.

Don't make assumptions about other people. Ask them. And, make the most charitable interpretation of anything they day and do.

You're driving to work, and some asshat cuts you off and almost causes an accident. Do you take it personally, and assume he wanted to run you off the road? Why not choose to understand that his behavior was not about you. And, allow for an innocent reason - don't assume something upsetting - he might have been in a hurry to get to a dying grandmother. Who knows. Breathe. Don't take it personally. Be charitable. Dont' make assumptions.

Does an incident like that ruin our day? Only if we choose for it to. If our perspective is that these things happen, and our expectation is that humans are fallible drivers, and we all are there sometimes. And we charitably allow for the other person to have had a good reason for innocently doing what they did. Suddenly, the same event that could have pissed us off all day, ruined the day, created anxiety and anger and suffering - suddenly, it's an understandable non-event and our minds are at peace.

Multiple that by each event that supposedly "causes" us to be anxious, depressed, sad, angry or whatever -- and what do you get?

[Animavore]

You can't make the world a better place by accepting it.

[Forty Two]

You can't make the world a better place by accepting it.

Very true. Happiness comes from the brain, however, not the world.

[Svartalf]

well, stopping alcohole can't be a bad thing, more over, it's a means to save money, so your advice has great value... also, IF I'm seeking a clear head, alcohol is an obstacle to it, so stopping the demon's drink can't be such a bad idea...

Yeah, I stopped regular drinking nearly one year ago (or perhaps it was two years ago). Not only could I not afford it, I also figured it had to be better for my depression if I didn't drink.

I'm not sure how drinking affects my depression, plus going to the bar is a nonnegligible part of my social life, and being isolated is definitely bad for morale...
For instance, I've been sober and miserable all day, all the more so that in this end of month period, I can't afford to go out for a glass or a meal.

[Rum]

Happiness - a rich trust fund kid, who has every advantage in the world - education, wealth, loving parents, entertainment, sex, you name it - he kills himself in a depressed mood, upset at the awfulness of his life. A ghetto kid, just out of jail, self-educated, blue collar, poor, is happier than a pig in slop, loves life and is happy every day he wakes up. Why are there such people in the world? Why can people with everything that is normally on the checklist for happiness - good job, good significant other, money, security, safety, freedom - everything - why can such people be so sad and upset about it, so dissatisfied. And, why can a poor person, who has none of the boxes checked, nevertheless be supremely happy.

-snipped for space-

Multiple that by each event that supposedly "causes" us to be anxious, depressed, sad, angry or whatever -- and what do you get?

Well it is old wisdom though none the less valid for all that. Buddhism teaches very much the same lesson and to quote the old song - wherever I go I take the weather with me. It is also one thing to say and to believe it and another to put it into practice.

[Forty Two]

Exactly. Putting it into practice is quite difficult. However, the journey of 1000 miles, of course, begins with a single step. I have found that if one starts with the smaller things, a big impact can be made over time. Perfection cannot be achieved. Don't expect it, and you won't be disappointed. :-)

But the reason I mentioned this old wisdom is that for some folks, admitting that the key to happiness is in their own heads is a difficult thing to do. They resist that notion. Now, it's a tough road, yes, but it's the only road. A car won't bring happiness, for example. It doesn't. The brain brings happiness. It's like pain. If you cut the nerve to the brain, you can poke someone with a needle and it won't hurt. The needle doesn't hurt - poking skin doesn't hurt -- the brain manufactures the hurt in response to it. The brain could just as easily manufacture pleasure from that touch. There is nothing inherent in the touch that is painful or pleasurable. The pain or pleasure is created in the brain. Now, that doesn't mean, obviously, that we can just will our way to a pain free existence -- some of the mechanisms in the brain are not conducive to conscious change. But - some mechanisms are. And, that's what we have to work with.

[PsychoSerenity]

You can't make the world a better place by accepting it.

I think you can accept the world as it is now and be at peace with that while still putting in every effort to make it better in the future.

[Forty Two]

Not accepting the world as it is? That's like not accepting the sun for shining, or the tide for going in and out. Try however you like to not accept it. It doesn't require your acceptance, nor does your failure to accept it matter one bit. One's lack of acceptance only effects oneself. That's all. Nobody else. It creates suffering in the non-accepting individual alone.

Accept the things you cannot change.

The world is not your possession anyway. it is not yours to accept or reject. It just is. It's solipsism to think that the world is somehow responsive to us. It's not. It's way bigger. Don't bother. It's like Sysiphus rolling the rock up hill. You can't do it. You may as well just wish upon a star -- shit in one hand, wish in the other, see which one fills up first.

[pErvinalia]

Not accepting the world as it is? That's like not accepting the sun for shining, or the tide for going in and out. Try however you like to not accept it. It doesn't require your acceptance, nor does your failure to accept it matter one bit. One's lack of acceptance only effects oneself. That's all. Nobody else. It creates suffering in the non-accepting individual alone.

That's not true. By accepting wrong in the world, other people suffer.

The world is not your possession anyway. it is not yours to accept or reject. It just is. It's solipsism to think that the world is somehow responsive to us. It's not. It's way bigger. Don't bother.

Nothing would ever change if everyone thought like that. Thank God there are people who care enough to fight for change.

[JimC]

Maybe it's a bit of both. There is an old bit of folk wisdom, sometimes expressed as a religious aphorism, which says something like "give me the courage to change the things I can, and the patience to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

[rainbow]

"give me the courage to change the things I can, and the patience to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

Nonsense.
As we say in Africa, if you're not in denial, you're in da boat.

[Forty Two]

Maybe it's a bit of both. There is an old bit of folk wisdom, sometimes expressed as a religious aphorism, which says something like "give me the courage to change the things I can, and the patience to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

Indeed, you correctly identify the issue. The reason to accept things we can't change is that we have no choice but to. The alternative is to yell at the moon for passing overhead.

We can, of course, change what we, ourselves, do, say and think. And part of what we do may include helping other people. However, that's obviously different than accepting the things we cannot change.

[Brian Peacock]

"give me the courage to change the things I can, and the patience to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

Nonsense.
As we say in Africa, if you're not in denial, you're in da boat.

[Dworkin]

Folks,

None of us are bigger than death; that is all we need to accept. Of course there are some who believe that this is not the case. They choose to accept something else.

Three guesses.

D.