Happiness

[Trinity]

I'm house sitting for my uncle and whilst rummaging around for something to read with my morning coffee, I found a book entitled "happier" by Tal Ben-Shahar. I'm enthralled. For a long time now I have been stuck, lost, finding none or little pleasure in life and wanting to escape into meaningless mind-stultifying pastimes. Depression, yes, but actually I realise after so many years, that I lack purpose; I don't have a clear idea of what I could do that would be nourishing, a disconnect with myself which traps me in an unhealthy cycle of negative habits, unhealthy lifestyle and ennui.

The book in question (I've only read a few pages so far) has got me thinking about the different types of traps we get stuck in in the pursuit of happiness. The author describes four archetypes, three being negative and one positive. I'll explain:

The Rat Race archetype- one who suffers in the present for the purpose of some anticipated gain. E.g working in a job which one does not enjoy but continues to do so because "one day I'll be happy when I've earned enough money/can buy a new house/get promoted" etc. brief relief comes with attainment quickly followed by anxiety and dissatisfaction and the cycle begins again.

The Hedonist archetype- present benefit but future detriment, or seek pleasure, avoid pain. Seeking enjoyment in the present and ignoring the potential negative consequences of one's actions. I guess I identify most with this archetype- I don't think that I have a long term purpose or challenge so my life ceases to feel meaningful. The apparent effortlessness of my existence has led to dissatisfaction, boredom and frustration. There is a quote here in the book which I like: " We are designed for the climb, not for taking our ease, either in the valley or on the summit".

Nihilism archetype- experiencing present detriment and suffers future detriment.
Describing someone who has lost the lust for life; a person who neither enjoys the moment nor has a sense of future purpose. This person is resigned, fettered to past failures and expecting the same of their future. "Learned helplessness" is a phrase used in the book. I guess I can identify with this too, although less so than the former archetype. I've never been someone to want to put myself in a labelled box and I appreciate that archetypes are only models based on observations of the human psyche but right now I'm actually finding it helpful to analyse that in me which I think I want to change.

The last archetype in the book is the Happiness archetype, one who is able to make choices which positively affect their present life and simultaneously affect their future positively.

I guess I've come to learn with regards to myself is that what I believed was happiness experienced both for extended periods and also fleetingly have actually been feelings of relief/accomplishment/pride, whatever and that actual happiness is probably something that cannot be defined but simply experienced and that it is something that one can BE (not have or feel part time) AND experience all of the sadnesses, disappointments etc that one's experience of life brings.

I have a lot more reading to do

[FBM]

That sounds like a good read, Trinity. I try to take the "3 types of this" and "5 types of that" approach loosely and instead get the gist underlying the content. I was never a Rat Race type, but I gave Hedonism a good run. Found out that it only produces pleasure, not happiness. Big difference. Also found out that the greater the pleasure, the greater the price, one way or another. I gave Nihilism a go for a while, but couldn't justify it, eventually. Working on something like the Happiness archetype these days.

[Trinity]

That sounds like a good read, Trinity. I try to take the "3 types of this" and "5 types of that" approach loosely and instead get the gist underlying the content. I was never a Rat Race type, but I gave Hedonism a good run. Found out that it only produces pleasure, not happiness. Big difference. Also found out that the greater the pleasure, the greater the price, one way or another. I gave Nihilism a go for a while, but couldn't justify it, eventually. Working on something like the Happiness archetype these days.

I was hoping you'd reply! I guess I feel similarities in outlooks on life with you (well, what I observe from what you write).
I agree with what you say about not following "types" etc but looking ar the gist of what's being said. I found, a long time ago when looking for answers, it was so easy for me to tell myself "this is it! All my questions are answered in this one book!". I have thankfully walked far from that grasping desperation for an easy and effortless "solution" to my life's troubles but I guess I still get excited and stimulated when something in me resonates with what I read.
I like that I start WANTING to explore more when I read stuff like this

[PsychoSerenity]

Thank you for this Trinity.

I've been meaning to start a similar thread, but haven't yet got around to getting my thoughts down. I think it's very important to be able to look inward, but sometimes it's very difficult to see what's actually there without a little help.

[Trinity]

Thank you for this Trinity.

I've been meaning to start a similar thread, but haven't yet got around to getting my thoughts down. I think it's very important to be able to look inward, but sometimes it's very difficult to see what's actually there without a little help.

Agreed! I'm glad that I can come here and put my musings out there and get feedback. We all need that from each other x

[FBM]

I think you nailed it, Psycho. Being able and willing to look deeply inside, so to speak, is crucial, in my experience. I've long been puzzled why so many people I know get morose and fatalistic when they turn their gaze inward. It's like they're not comfortable being who they are, but are afraid to try to understand it so that they might be able to do something about it.

[FBM]

That sounds like a good read, Trinity. I try to take the "3 types of this" and "5 types of that" approach loosely and instead get the gist underlying the content. I was never a Rat Race type, but I gave Hedonism a good run. Found out that it only produces pleasure, not happiness. Big difference. Also found out that the greater the pleasure, the greater the price, one way or another. I gave Nihilism a go for a while, but couldn't justify it, eventually. Working on something like the Happiness archetype these days.

I was hoping you'd reply! I guess I feel similarities in outlooks on life with you (well, what I observe from what you write).
I agree with what you say about not following "types" etc but looking ar the gist of what's being said. I found, a long time ago when looking for answers, it was so easy for me to tell myself "this is it! All my questions are answered in this one book!". I have thankfully walked far from that grasping desperation for an easy and effortless "solution" to my life's troubles but I guess I still get excited and stimulated when something in me resonates with what I read.
I like that I start WANTING to explore more when I read stuff like this

It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you've found a magical formula written by some uber-wise person. I've done it many times, but eventually noticed that pattern in my behavior and the fact that I had yet to find any such magical formula.

[pErvinalia]

Nihilism FTW!!

Well, perhaps not nihilism as described in the OP. I think of it differently, but perhaps I am using the wrong term.

[Trinity]

I think you nailed it, Psycho. Being able and willing to look deeply inside, so to speak, is crucial, in my experience. I've long been puzzled why so many people I know get morose and fatalistic when they turn their gaze inward. It's like they're not comfortable being who they are, but are afraid to try to understand it so that they might be able to do something about it.

This is pertinent to me. I often observe, when I'm "witnessing" my thoughts, actions and motivations, that I self sabotage. On one hand I want this or that for myself but on the other, my actions and thought processes prevent me. It's like I'm afraid to experience fully being me and what that might mean. Attachment to the known? And what's safe?

[FBM]

Maybe so, Trinity. Or maybe just lack of guidance in such things?

[PsychoSerenity]

I think you nailed it, Psycho. Being able and willing to look deeply inside, so to speak, is crucial, in my experience. I've long been puzzled why so many people I know get morose and fatalistic when they turn their gaze inward. It's like they're not comfortable being who they are, but are afraid to try to understand it so that they might be able to do something about it.

This is pertinent to me. I often observe, when I'm "witnessing" my thoughts, actions and motivations, that I self sabotage. On one hand I want this or that for myself but on the other, my actions and thought processes prevent me. It's like I'm afraid to experience fully being me and what that might mean. Attachment to the known? And what's safe?

From my experience it mainly takes patience. Practice taking the time to feel what you really feel, wait until the anxiety fades, and then you can let it go and move on. Easier said than done of course.

[Cormac]

It seems to chime closely with the Taoist approach to a contented life - no major highs, no major lows. But contentedness.

[MiM]

Does ring a bell - Hedonist/nihilist here, I guess. Sounds weird to have only one type for happiness, though. Hopefully the book is painting that with a broad brush, and not advocating only one way to be happy? Naturally none of these books can give a full solution, but many of them can be very worthwhile.

And it doesn't even have to be primarily written as a self help book. The fantasy novel by Michael Ende "Momo" (aka "The Grey Gentlemen" or "The Men in Gray") has given our family fabulous tools to handle at least some of our dysfunctionalities.

[Trinity]

Does ring a bell - Hedonist/nihilist here, I guess. Sounds weird to have only one type for happiness, though. Hopefully the book is painting that with a broad brush, and not advocating only one way to be happy? Naturally none of these books can give a full solution, but many of them can be very worthwhile.

And it doesn't even have to be primarily written as a self help book. The fantasy novel by Michael Ende "Momo" (aka "The Grey Gentlemen" or "The Men in Gray") has given our family fabulous tools to handle at least some of our dysfunctionalities.

Sounds worth a read

[Tero]

I was happy doing nothing but by 11 we will have guests that we have to house and entertain 3 days. On monday I escape to work.

I've come to the conclusion that cavemen were happy for 20-30 years. A few fleas and lice. And no coffee. But otherwise OK.