OK, Bi.

[Transgirlofnofaith]

Hey. Thought maybe I'd start a thread on here about bisexuality. I recently realized I was bi, and came out on here. It was pretty freeing, actually. I had a hard time realizing I could like both men and women. There's a lot of discrimination against it, not just from homophobia, but also from the gay community, where the myth propagates that bi people are just gays who don't bother coming all the way out of the closet.

This is known as Biphobia. From Wikipedia:

"Biphobia is a term used to describe aversion felt toward bisexuality and bisexuals as a social group or as individuals. People of any sexual orientation can experience such feelings of aversion. A source of discrimination against bisexuals, biphobia is based on negative bisexual stereotypes and bisexual erasure."

It really is a good article. I hope you read it all.

Wow, ------, that's great! It's good to hear that your mom and sister are okay with it. To be honest, I had wondered about you. Huh. 6 days ago. Must get around the forum MOAR.

I recently admitted to myself that I was bisexual. It was about two weeks ago. But I've been in denial about it for over a decade. It was the exposure to the fandom that finally helped do it. The people here are very open with their sexuality. Hmmmm...

I suppose my first gay thought was about in 98-99. After that, the gay thoughts never stopped, and kept coming up again from time to time. I just didn't want it, so I felt horrible for it and tried to tamp it down whenever I could. So apart from wanking to gay thoughts, or, later, watching gay porn on the net, and sometimes using toys, I repressed it. And I never did anything with a real guy. Because that would confirm it. And I could NEVER, EVER let that happen, as I saw it. I just didn't want to be a faggot. So I was always tortured by what it would mean if I did like men. Looking back now, it makes me sad because of all the great guys I might have missed out on. I always felt like there was something wrong eith me and I was some sort of deviant or perverted freak. And I thought that I could I could just cut out the gay thoughts and focus on liking women. But apparently my brain doesn't want to be retrained in that way. They say that the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. But sure enough, that's what I was doing. My internal narrative went something like:

Narrator 1: You're not a dumb animal, and you have self-control, so you don't have to like guys if you don't want to. Just work on cutting out the gay thoughts.

Narrator 2: That guy is cute.

Narrator 3: SHUT UP!

I didn't think of being bi as as an option. To me there was just non-gay, and gay. And I didn't want to be 'one of them'. I was never really explicitly hateful, but now that I look back at it, I was kind of homophobic with how I looked at it. I didn't have as many reasons as some others here with regards to it had for staying in the closet. This is a very tolerant city, amd my parents didn't have religion, so I grew up free of it. But I still looked at gayness in a bad way. To me gays were just perverted freaks who couldn't control themselves and be normal. So it was like something I was always trying to cut out with a rusty knife, and failing every time.

As far as my preference goes, it's something like 70-80% women, and 20-30% men. I still far prefer women, but I also find guys hot. I like things with boobies and I like things with the peen. I find both sexes aesthetically pleasing, each in their own way. It took me a long time to wrap my head around that, but I have now. I don't know if I can fall in love with a guy, but I'm open to finding out now, and I can't know unless I'm open to the possibility, otherwise I might just smother it when it comes up. But the idea of being able to love a guy was always FAR more terrifying than the idea of being fucked in the ass. But anyways, I feel much more comfortable in my own skin now.

I'm kind of a loner, and I don't have any close friends, so I haven't told anyone in real life. And as for my family, well, I'm not very close to them anyways, because I'm very different from them, so I don't want to add that to the mix and make the disconnection worse. But I have come out on my Internet forums, and I haven't got any shit for it yet, which is good. I've also been talking on IRC about it, and it has made me feel easier. So, if I had to summarise this into a couple of sound bites, they would be:

1) The greatest repression can always come from inside your own mind.

2) You are not defined by your sexuality.

I really hopes this helps any other bi people on ---- who are struggling with this. And please, if you have any relevant experiences to share, then please post here.

FEED THE THREAD!

Thank you, everyone for sharing what you did.

So, if anyone has anything to add, then please do so. And I invite our gay members to post about their experiences of coming out to themselves and others.

[starr]

Thanks for sharing that ManofnoFaith.

I am also bisexual and have only recently 'come out'. I think in some ways, being bisexual affords the luxury of not 'coming out' because we can blend into the heterosexual community so seamlessly. That is what I have done. I am your typical 'heterosexual' woman who is married with two young kids. The disadvantage of this, however, is that you end up severely neglecting an important part of yourself. I am hoping to rectify this in the near future.



I first 'came out' on RDF so I can relate to your experiences of feeling more comfortable being yourself online than in real life.

I have recently managed to 'come out' to a few friends in real life too. That has felt liberating.


I was always attracted to men and to women. I think I'm about 55% hetero and 45% homo. Close to an even split but with a slight preference for men.

[Ayaan]

I think that is wonderful, MoNF. The struggle to accept such parts of yourself can be difficult at times, but always worth the effort. I hope this discovery brings you much happiness.

[Transgirlofnofaith]

Thanks for sharing that ManofnoFaith.

Thank you. It isn't exactly easy. But it is sort of theraputic. :-)

I am also bisexual and have only recently 'come out'. I think in some ways, being bisexual affords the luxury of not 'coming out' because we can blend into the heterosexual community so seamlessly. That is what I have done. I am your typical 'heterosexual' woman who is married with two young kids. The disadvantage of this, however, is that you end up severely neglecting an important part of yourself. I am hoping to rectify this in the near future.

Making up for lost time? Is hubby OK with it? And yeah, it does make it harder in a way than even bring gay, because you keep thinking that you don't have to go for both genders if you are nervous to. With gay people, it's just the reaction from otheres, as a brief summary. Not as much opportunity for second-guessing.

I first 'came out' on RDF so I can relate to your experiences of feeling more comfortable being yourself online than in real life.

Yes. I am much more withdrawn in person than online. Part of this is that I have very high standards for human beings, and if people don't seem to measure up to them, and most don't, then I feel they are unworthy of sharing things with. Apart from an odd sense of humour, I am, at root, a very serious person.

I have recently managed to 'come out' to a few friends in real life too. That has felt liberating.

How did it go? I am curious.

I was always attracted to men and to women. I think I'm about 55% hetero and 45% homo. Close to an even split but with a slight preference for men.

Wow. You have a more complicated situation than me in that regard. It must have been very hard for you.

I think that is wonderful, MoNF.

Thank you, Ayaan.

The struggle to accept such parts of yourself can be difficult at times, but always worth the effort. I hope this discovery brings you much happiness.

I hope so too. I've always tried to snuff out those kinds of thoughts before, so I'm not sure if I can love a guy. But I am open to the possibility, at least, of having a boyfriend if the opportunity ever comes up.

I'm still a little uneasy about all this, so it's kind of hard to talk about, and at least a little bit scary. But thank you for your support.

[Bella Fortuna]

I was always attracted to men and to women. I think I'm about 55% hetero and 45% homo. Close to an even split but with a slight preference for men.

This is pretty much how I'd describe myself. I never had a moment of revelation about it, though, I was just always like that. I never questioned it and simply accepted it. I've never hidden it, per se, but as I was growing up I was never blatant about it, either. It was just me, and I felt no need to shout it to the world. Maybe if I had I'd have had more experiences, though.

[Rum]

In my early 20s I had a couple of gay experiences. It was a pretty wild period (pre Aids and all) and people tended to have sex in a much more casual way than now..in fact now I think about it, the attitude has changed enormously in the last few years.

I had two experiences with fellow males. One was instigated by the other guy (he was a tutor at my art college) and the other one was with my boss (when I was drunk!). I have never repeated the experience and have no desire to actually. I find the thought actually pretty revolting now. I am still not sure why I dabbled.. curiosity I suspect.

Me? I like Guuurrrrls!. Alot!

[Trolldor]

I told my friends and they said:
"Sleep with another dude then we'll believe you."



They're very liberal.

[Thinking Aloud]

For most of my time in high school, I was branded "queer" by a majority of the other kids (as a consequence of a playground incident when some other kid jumped on my back ). Highly ironic, since I was nothing of the sort, and fell in love with numerous girls during the period! It wasn't until a few years after school that I became curious about same-gender sexuality. I'm with MoNF here, in that I don't know if I could ever "fall in love with" another guy, but I don't have any problem with the idea of enjoying a physical relationship with another man.

I've always been reluctant to use the term "bisexual" because (as I've mentioned in another thread) there seem to be two possible meanings depending on whether one includes deep emotional attachments. As it stands, I have one small experience to look back on. I'm in no hurry to repeat, but wouldn't be averse, in theory, to a recurrence, in the right circumstances and with the right person.

[Transgirlofnofaith]

I told my friends and they said:
"Sleep with another dude then we'll believe you."



They're very liberal.

Fuck, that surprises me. I always thought of you as ruler-straight.

I've always been reluctant to use the term "bisexual" because (as I've mentioned in another thread) there seem to be two possible meanings depending on whether one includes deep emotional attachments.

Yeah. I use it to just mean who you'd be willing to fuck. And the category 'bisexual' is a little fuzzy, because as Kinsey showed, most people aren't completely in either category.

I'm with MoNF here, in that I don't know if I could ever "fall in love with" another guy, but I don't have any problem with the idea of enjoying a physical relationship with another man.

Yeah. As for me, I've tried experimenting with it mentally to see whether that possibility's there. Can I imagine looking lovingly into a man's eyes and seeing a mate? Snuggling when we wake up together? Kissing passionately and caressing? When I ask myself these things, the answer is yes. So it's possible in THEORY, but as for the practice, well, I have yet to find out. I would kind of like to meet a guy who's a fur as well, so we'd have something in common, but there's so many stupid or ugly or just plain weird Furries out there. So finding one suitable might be hard. And another reason is that a lot of people *cough, cough* are negative towards furries as well, so I woudn't want to catch any guff from a partner about it.

[GeneticJen]

Im afraid I don't have any experiences or anything worthwile to add, but I'd still like to say thanks for sharing. I'm glad coming out has been freeing for you. Reading that won't only be something to think about for bisexuals, but anyone who has some news that people close to them may not understand or appreciate. I think it would apply to theists battling with themselves over the thought of god not existing and the fear of admitting it. I hope it's all easier for you now that you aren't battling with yourself.

People have sometimes assumed I'm gay based on my strong reactions against homophobic people, but I'd act the same with racists or sexists. I've always found it fascinating how far apart the extremes are between homosexual and homophobic. I think a lot of the time it's fear of the unknown. I also notice a hell of a lot of straight people who wouldn't be described as homophobic still wouldn't even be able to consider the possibility that a man may be attractive. I find that absurd too. I mean, I can admit a man is damn good looking (or definitely not!) despite having no desire to have a relationship (physical or not) with one.

As I said, I've not been through the same experience, but I have had things I've wanted to tell people but either not wanted to admit out loud or to specific people. Mostly, I have, but not with everything. Thinking about your has post made me consider the other things.

[Psi Wavefunction]

I like to think of sexuality as a bit of a continuum - one one extreme you have pure heterosexuality, on the other, pure homosexuality. Most people lie somewhere in-between. It kinda makes sense, considering how much of the 'body design' both genders share, and there's bound to be some cross-contamination between the two gender 'programs'. It would be quite astonishing if what men and women found attractive had no overlap whatsoever!

I too find the female figure attractive, it's probably more or less universal, just more emphasised in males than females. Of course, social pressures may bring out the tendencies to the extreme, but I wonder if we'd actually all be much more 'bi' were there no societal implications of sexuality and gender. Statistically, that would make more sense. In fact, it should be a null hypothesis, and any differences between male and female interests should be paid attention to, not the other way around. Just a thought...

[Transgirlofnofaith]

I like to think of sexuality as a bit of a continuum - one one extreme you have pure heterosexuality, on the other, pure homosexuality. Most people lie somewhere in-between. It kinda makes sense, considering how much of the 'body design' both genders share, and there's bound to be some cross-contamination between the two gender 'programs'. It would be quite astonishing if what men and women found attractive had no overlap whatsoever!

I too find the female figure attractive, it's probably more or less universal, just more emphasised in males than females. Of course, social pressures may bring out the tendencies to the extreme, but I wonder if we'd actually all be much more 'bi' were there no societal implications of sexuality and gender. Statistically, that would make more sense. In fact, it should be a null hypothesis, and any differences between male and female interests should be paid attention to, not the other way around. Just a thought...

Did I give off any indications that I might have been bi when you met me? Other than talking about the penis tree, of course.

[Tigger]

Love the thread title, bi the way.

[RPizzle]

Love the thread title, bi the way.

Is everyone playing word scramble now bi chance? Oh no.

[Bella Fortuna]

Love the thread title, bi the way.

Is everyone playing word scramble now bi chance? Oh no.

Happy bi-bi.