Men -- Are We Not Pulling Our Weight?

[Coito ergo sum]

Men aren't pulling their weight, as new data about housework in dual career families makes clear. http://jezebel.com/5923666/i-suck-how-g ... l-interest And, -- http://www.thenation.com/blog/168612/daddy-wars#

Part of the internet campaign against men involves telling men that we don't "pull our weight" in relation to child care. See the links there for examples. Men, it seems, do less than women. But, do we?

It seems to me that the evidence shows that men work longer hours at work, and tend to be -- even today - the primary breadwinners for most families. So, it would seem to stand to reason that childcare would be something the mother would have a bit more of, because the men tend to work longer hours.

Also, it seems to me that these articles don't include all "homelife" activities that require work -- they show men generally working longer hours, and women doing more "child care" -- but, homelife requires a whole host of other functions, some of which can't be done while changing diapers, etc.

It is my general view of it that men and women basically, by and large, contribute equally to the home and family. When a man works more, the woman takes on more homelife activities, etc., but generally speaking there are traditional male functions around the house which men still tend to do more of, etc., while at the same token there are traditional female functions which women still tend to do more of.

There is also the factor that a great many women insist on being the primary caretaker for children. It may be cultural, but I find that most women are of the mind that if either parent is going to stay home, it's going to be them.

But, what does everyone think? Do men have it easy? Are we not working as hard as women when all facets of work and homelife are taken into consideration?

[Bella Fortuna]

I can only speak from my experience. With my former husband, he definitely pulled his weight as a dad (and continues to do so). As far as housework he did nothing (unless severely nagged, and then did it purposely slowly and badly hoping to never be asked again) while working from home, so I was putting in more work hours when commute was factored in. It was a major bone of contention.

I currently know someone who more than does his share around the house and with the kids.

[Coito ergo sum]

For me and She Who Must Be Obeyed - we each make our own breakfast. We split dinners about evenly, although I tend to be o.k. with what she cooks, but she tends to not like what I cook as much (although I don't know exactly why - I can only assume that I'm fine with it and I am not recognizing why it sucks). We do about equal amounts of housework, and it's really easy because we have a cleaning lady come around periodically, so it doesn't have time to get really bad. I'd say she does more of the laundry, but I handle all of the outdoor work, patio, grill, yard, landscaping and all that. We work about the same. She's full time and makes decent money. I make more, but we are in different careers. She has more stable income with solid benefits, which is nice.

I intend to contribute as much to caring for Little She, but I'm not getting paternity leave, but she'll be off an extended period of time for maternity leave. So, when she's home, I'm figuring she'll take care of the house as well as Little She. I'm thinking we wouldn't need the cleaning lady, but I don't know -- the cost may be worth not having the discussion. :-)

Anyway, I can definitely see how there could be a statistical difference in general housecleaning -- men seem to have a lower standard of what amounts to "clean." But, even where that might be the case, I tend to see that as offset by other things that a man generally adopts as his baileywick: fixing most things, yardwork, garbage duty, car care and all that. I had this discussion recently with a friend who is getting a bit miffed with his wife about all the shit she gives him for "doing nothing" around the house. He was like "I just finished working all day yesterday putting in a new water heater while she was out at the mall, and now today she's yelling at me for not helping clean the house."

I think most of these things even out, roughly.

[Animavore]

Men make the kids laugh and have fun and go on adventures. We get in trouble by mean ol' mum then turn to each other and smile, then continue as soon as her back's turned.

We are tired after having all that fun. Leave us be. Not having fun, being concerned about minor crap like dirt and appearance, that's a woman's thing. You don't see us trying to force youse into climbing cliffs and running along the sand dunes. You stay on that side of the line and we'll stay on ours. Agreed?

[odysseus]

I live on my own. I have to pull my weight because no bugger else will do it. I wouldn't expect anyone else to clean up my crap anyway...

[Ian]

I definitely pull my weight. Most of the time I do the dishes, feed the cat, read to the twins at night, do the yard work, etc. Sometimes I do laundry, but she prefers to keep that to herself on account of not trusting my competence. She does most of the cooking on account of our certainty of my incompetence. Various other stuff around the house is split rather equally.

[Animavore]

I'm going to be honest, I'd rather one of those weird woman who loves doing housework. That's not to say I think that's woman's role, I'd hate to think anyone was pushed into doing something they found a chore due to some misplaced sense of duty. But I wouldn't mind someone who loves doing housework as much as I hate it. Who actually enjoys making the place look pretty.
I love doing work traditionally associated with men like fixing shit. I love making a mess while doing it. I loathe cleaning and tidying with a passion.

Unfortunately modern psychological studies have show that opposites attract is the stuff of fiction so I'll probably end up with a lazy bitch

[amused]

Judging by all the fat bellies out there, I'd say men are pulling way too much weight.

[Clinton Huxley]

I do a lot of the cooking and being awesome. Also heavy lifting, gardening, admin, Christmasiness, fending off miscreants and setting things on fire. I'm doing my bit.

[klr]

What is this "cooking" that you all speak of?

[Animavore]

I do a lot of the cooking and being awesome. Also heavy lifting, gardening, admin, Christmasiness, fending off miscreants and setting things on fire. I'm doing my bit.

Oh yes. I love cooking. That's one thing I will do no bother. In fact, I'd say I'm better than most women.

But cooking falls into the category of doing enjoyable things which leave a mess I hate to have to clean up.

[Clinton Huxley]

What is this "cooking" that you all speak of?

There's a lot of mystique around cooking. Basically, it means chopping stuff up and then heating it.

[Clinton Huxley]

I do a lot of the cooking and being awesome. Also heavy lifting, gardening, admin, Christmasiness, fending off miscreants and setting things on fire. I'm doing my bit.

Oh yes. I love cooking. That's one thing I will do no bother. In fact, I'd say I'm better than most women.

But cooking falls into the category of doing enjoyable things which leave a mess I hate to have to clean up.

Yarp. I like cooking, even though I have no instinctive feel for it. I quite like washing dishes, mind. It's better than being eaten by a crocodile or catching malaria.

[hadespussercats]

I don't see how any of our individual experiences are going to answer a societal question that can really only be addressed by scientifically administered statistical studies.

[Gallstones]

I do a lot of the cooking and being awesome. Also heavy lifting, gardening, admin, Christmasiness, fending off miscreants and setting things on fire. I'm doing my bit.

Oh yes. I love cooking. That's one thing I will do no bother. In fact, I'd say I'm better than most women.

But cooking falls into the category of doing enjoyable things which leave a mess I hate to have to clean up.

Better than most what?