Child psychology/physiology question

[RESiNATE]

So, here is the very real senario that I am alerted to:

My niece, 9 years of age, has begun to go off her food.

I am told that she says she is hungry and wants to eat, but just can't seem to bring herself to. She is of (I would guess) above average intelligence, she is not the sort of girl to worry too much about her appearance (she'd quite happily go to the local supermarket with her mother whilst wearing muddy boots and scruffy clothing - she like horses and is usually dressed appropriately for horsey-type activities), and she isn't easily swayed by topical fashion etc.

As far as I know, she hasn't suffered any particular experience that one might be able to point a finger at. It doesn't seem to be any one particular foodstuff that she refuses/is unable to eat, and her general diet is as varied as anybody could hope for.

I have asked if she complains of pain when swallowing - no was the answer.
I have asked if she is worried about her weight or appearance - no (which is why I wrote that little bit above regarding shopping trips).

With my very little knowledge of child psychology, I have drawn a blank as to what to suggest to my brother (her father), so I turn to you - the great Ratz community - for help or ideas.

Can you help please?

If you need me to ask any further questions, let me know and I will.

My niece is a little cracker - and I secretly think that she will change the world - and I want to help.

In anticipation, I thank you for reading this,

Res...

[maiforpeace]

I have no answers for you, but I will say your niece is lucky to have you as an uncle.

I'm sure that there are plenty of parents here who will have some good replies for you though. Good luck.

[MiM]

How long, and how badly?

Our YD gets off her food almost completely as soon as she has even a mild infection, of any sort. Can go on for weeks. But that doesn't fit if it's very prolonged (like several months).

[RESiNATE]

I will say your niece is lucky to have you as an uncle.

Aww, you're too kind Mai

MiM - I asked if she was going down with anything, but again the answer was "no".

This has been developing over a few months, I gather. It first happened when the family went out for a meal - she'd ordered something that she liked, but when it was set down in front of her she couldn't eat more than a few mouthfuls. Gradually, it has moved into mealtimes at home.

I'm wondering, as I sit here, whether it is boredom or avoidance.

I think of myself now: sometimes, the actual 'task' of eating is such a chore that, no matter how hungry I feel, I just can't be bothered to do it - even if I have prepared one of my favoured meals.

Res...

[hadespussercats]

Well, I just read a book by Ellyn Satter, who is a child nutritionist, amongst other things. It's called "How To Get Your Kid To Eat-- But Not Too Much."
http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Your-Kid- ... 0915950839
I was reading more for the parts on infants and toddlers, but the book covers up through the teen years. I was interested in part because obesity runs in my family, and my parents were very controlling about food, so I wanted to learn more so I could do better. I found it helpful and informative.

She promotes taking a very hands-off approach generally, when it comes to feeding kids, because kids tend to rebel against coersion even if they were planning to eat anyway. In fact, even rewarding children for making one choice rather than another (like giving a prize for choosing fruit over a cookie) will encourage most kids to rebel against the promoted choice.

She says, "It's parents' job to make the food, and bring it to the table on time. It's the kid's job to eat it."

She also says that if you don't interfere too much, children tend to be quite good at regulating what they need to eat-- so if they eat less for a while, they're still probably getting their basic nutritional needs met, and they'll probably eat more later.

Now, eating disorders are a bit different. She has a few chapters devoted to that in the book. But what you describe doesn't necessarily sound like a disorder. I think the worst thing to do would be to overreact, because that might create a disorder out of what might be just a phase.

She might be hitting puberty, and just feeling off because of crazy hormones and such.

Anyway, I hope you all figure it out. Good luck!

Oh, and Ellyn Satter also has a website, if you're interested: http://www.ellynsatter.com/physical-pro ... p-791.html

[Rum]

Child development and therapy stuff is in my professional background.

My advice? Leave her alone and let her get on with it until or unless she is losing weight and if that happens then post again.

[mistermack]

Child development and therapy stuff is in my professional background.

My advice? Leave her alone and let her get on with it until or unless she is losing weight and if that happens then post again.

I would agree with that, but I would also suspect bullying.
But I wouldn't ask outright, I would attempt to be the world's best detective. Find out, without being found out.

[PsychoSerenity]

I'd say, rather than asking her is it this or is it that, ask what are you feeling or what are you thinking. She might not be able to answer right away, but getting her to be more aware of her own thoughts and feelings may help her express herself if or when there is something troubling her.

[RESiNATE]

Many thanks everyone. All of the above has given me food for thought...excuse the pun lol.

The puberty idea is interesting.
The bullying thing has been investigated, and confidence is high that it is not happening - she loves school and has many friends.

I would agree with the general concensus in that it is best to quietly observe and let her sort it out - just be there if needed, I suppose.

Great response, thanks.
Been a while since I've been here. I must get around to an update with everyone - it's more to do with an unstable PC at the moment, plus a few things going on in my little life lol.

Cheers All, catch ya soon

Res...

[Rum]

Hope to see you back on a regular basis Res!

[Azathoth]

If she wants to eat but just has no appetite it might be worth getting her to see a doctor. Loss of appetite can be caused by lots of things

[JimC]

Monitoring weight loss would be the key for me - if it strays down into an unhealthy BMI then some medical investigation might be in order, also if the girl herself becomes distressed by her lack of appetite.

[mistermack]

If it turns out to be something simple, do let us know.
Sounds like just what I need.

[JimC]

If it turns out to be something simple, do let us know.
Sounds like just what I need.

You could try ingesting tapeworm eggs...

[Tyrannical]

Generally, the cure for picky eaters is to ignore it. When they are hungry enough, they will eat. Regular doctor visits should pick it up if it was caused by a medical problem.