Is trust the basis of friendship?

[CJ]

Who are our friends and why? I feel we build relationships on trust, we divulge secrets or intimate thoughts to reinforce the trust of others, when we are gifted secrets or intimate thoughts we feel trusted. Is this exchange of trust one of the bases upon which friendships are founded? Are there others 'things' upon which friendships are based or is trust at the root of friendship?

When intimate trusts are betrayed is that the cause of the worse emotional pain one can feel?

I trust people who trust me and I consider them friends, I feel I can reveal intimate private thoughts and facts about myself to them and they will not mock me (tease maybe), nor judge me, but accept what I say and reflect on what I have told them rather than dismiss what I say out of hand.

Any thoughts

[Animavore]

I'd go with thrust. I thrust all my friends.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I apply trust selectively in most cases. I've had friends I'd trust my wallet with, but not my GF. Others, vice versa. There was a small group I've trusted my life to, and returned the favor. Once in a while I find someone I trust totally. :gawd:

[charlou]

A thoughtful topic, CJ ...

I'd say the foundation of friendship includes trust, empathy and honest communication.


Thrust ... mmmyes, that's pretty friendly too.

[Animavore]

Sorry. I'm gonna be serious now. Don't mind me I'm still tipsy.

I'm lucky to have a bunch of great friends. I know people that have nothing but dickheads for 'friends'. Lads that get in fights all the time and rip each other off. Me an my mates are all sounds, always look after each other, sort each other out etc...
I'm closer to my friends than I am to my family.
I trust every one of them to bits.

[Don't Panic]

I only trust one person, but would consider a few more than that friends. My friends are the people who trust me, they seem to accept that I don't share many of the private details about my life with them for the most part. Weird system but it seems to work.

[Bella Fortuna]

It is trust - but trusting in what sense? Often it's trusting the person to not be judgmental of us - knowing we can reveal intimate things without fear of being criticised for who we fundamentally are. There is trust that we will be respected enough to have those intimate revelations of self kept private, and that the person will not run screaming away in rejection when we have made ourselves vulnerable to them.

The trust develops secondarily once we've made a more superficial connection with someone based on common interests and personalities that jive well together. The crossing of that hurdle from acquaintance to true friend lies is in the demonstration of trust, of testing the waters incrementally and having favourable reactions.

[Ayaan]

It is trust - but trusting in what sense? Often it's trusting the person to not be judgmental of us - knowing we can reveal intimate things without fear of being criticised for who we fundamentally are. There is trust that we will be respected enough to have those intimate revelations of self kept private, and that the person will not run screaming away in rejection when we have made ourselves vulnerable to them.

The trust develops secondarily once we've made a more superficial connection with someone based on common interests and personalities that jive well together. The crossing of that hurdle from acquaintance to true friend lies is in the demonstration of trust, of testing the waters incrementally and having favourable reactions.

My thoughts are running along the same lines, Bella. It doesn't happen over night and it doesn't always happen easily. I think there is always that tipping point - that moment when you allow someone a glimpse at some intimate revelation and the reaction to that can determine just where that friendship goes, where you see if you have been right to trust that far. Does it remain a superficial sharing of interests or does it become a true connection where you share your heart?

[Bella Fortuna]

That's exactly it. And often it develops that the trusted friend can turn out to be very different from you as time goes on and people grow and change, but that connection remains because it's basic to their character, and that can preserve a closeness in spite of surface changes.

[CJ]

A thoughtful topic, CJ ...

I'd say the foundation of friendship includes trust, empathy and honest communication.


Thrust ... mmmyes, that's pretty friendly too.

Honest communication engenders trust and visa versa. Can empathy be improved by trust and honest communication or is it an innate quality of an individual such as intelligence? If it is an innate quality can it be exploited as intelligence can be by education or is one stuck with what one is dealt with as a child? And I don't really want to get into a debate about intelligence and education I'll just using that as an example. Can one become more empathic through training or experience? As some people naturally more empathic than others?

[CJ]

Sorry. I'm gonna be serious now. Don't mind me I'm still tipsy.

I'm lucky to have a bunch of great friends. I know people that have nothing but dickheads for 'friends'. Lads that get in fights all the time and rip each other off. Me an my mates are all sounds, always look after each other, sort each other out etc...
I'm closer to my friends than I am to my family.
I trust every one of them to bits.

Interesting thought. So does one get the type of friends proportionate to one's own level of trustworthiness? I would think that is possible. A group of mutually trustworthy individuals would ostracise the untrustworthy? Not sure where this takes the discussion though.

[CJ]

I only trust one person, but would consider a few more than that friends. My friends are the people who trust me, they seem to accept that I don't share many of the private details about my life with them for the most part. Weird system but it seems to work.

You are very constant in your persona and I think that engenders trust, you are also empathic which goes back to Charlou's point. So sharing thoughts and secrets is only one route to engendering trust, you simply have other means of engendering trust.

[CJ]

It is trust - but trusting in what sense? Often it's trusting the person to not be judgmental of us - knowing we can reveal intimate things without fear of being criticised for who we fundamentally are. There is trust that we will be respected enough to have those intimate revelations of self kept private, and that the person will not run screaming away in rejection when we have made ourselves vulnerable to them.

Interesting as again the empathy (non judgemental) aspect comes out as being important so does empathy engender trust and visa versa? There is also the removal of fear that revealing what may be considered 'unpalatable' will lead to rejection.

The trust develops secondarily once we've made a more superficial connection with someone based on common interests and personalities that jive well together. The crossing of that hurdle from acquaintance to true friend lies is in the demonstration of trust, of testing the waters incrementally and having favourable reactions.

I think that is very true. There is the initial 'sparing' to evaluate the others intention that leads to confidence to reveal more about oneself. If this process of revealing is asymmetric the risk is the development of a manipulative relationship rather than a mutualistic one.

[leo-rcc]

I have a rather small group of friends that I trust implicitly. I've always given people outside that group the benefit of the doubt, but always keep them at arms length. When I was 19 my trust got betrayed in the worst possible way, and I've always been apprehensive of new friends ever since. It's not that I don't want to trust them, just that I can't straight away. They really need to prove to me they are trustworthy, and if they can't be bothered than that might end it right there and then.

Sorry if I'm rambling, I am usually more coherent than that.

[Pappa]

Sorry to be the bringer of nihilistic tidings, but I think friendship (and human relationships in general) as based not on trust, but reciprocal need. We have the friends we have because we get something out of them. We are almost certainly not aware of what we need or what they give us, but I'm pretty sure that in each case, that's what happens.

Once friend may fulfill your need for affection, another for intellectual stimulation, another for self-aggrandizement, another for your need to feel guilty, another for your sense of charity... etc., etc., etc..