Your foibles, anxieties and bad habits?

[lordpasternack]

I thought it might be nice to open a sort of "Group Therapy" thread here, where we can discuss some of the stupid stuff that we all do, and repeat, even though we know fine well that they are not doing us any good - as well as some of the silly anxieties that we keep hidden most of the time. I'm usually quite good at "self-help" in this respect, in that I can usually catch myself being silly and find the will to stop it - but there are some things that cling on. I will start the ball rolling - and hopefully Exi will get involved to give some Freudian analysis or something.

Procrastination

I'm fucking awful for this. Even while I know - I fucking know that it causes stress in both the immediate and short-term - I still often can't bring myself to do tasks that don't appeal to me in the moment, until a deadline is looming over the horizon. In fact, I can often sit inside all day, at the computer, kidding myself that I'll "get onto it soon" - and I can do this for a few days (sometimes well over a week), without ever actually getting onto that task - wasting all that fucking time tied to the chair in front of the computer, because I still feel some sense of obligation to be there.

It can get to the stage where I'm turning down offers to do fun stuff over that whole week, because I feel I have to stay in to try to do that task. And all this takes longer than actually completing the fucking task! It's ridiculous.

I actually could possibly satisfy a diagnosis for ADD - and depending on who you talk to, ADD is on the autistic spectrum. And some of my other silly habits are twinges of autistic spectrum traits. Olympic gold medal style procrastination blights those with Asperger's too.

Anxieties

I'm generally a very placid, easy-going, friendly, affable person - and when I'm in company that I enjoy, this is pretty much what comes out of me. But I have anxieties - silly anxieties - and I haven't fully analysed them yet. The thought of going into places and seeing about jobs makes me anxious, and in fact, I used to get anxious just going into places and enquiring about their services - like banks, clubs, hotels or whatever.

I think the common thread amongst all this is that I have to approach strangers, on my own, in some sort of "professional manner". I can't be sure what to expect, and I have to initiate the contact. It's a sort of social anxiety, I suppose - but it's very specific to particular contexts. I have no problems with meeting new people in a casual manner, and even striking up conversation with people on the street or at clubs... I honestly don't know, really...

I also have a thing about not answering the phone when I don't recognise the number, and I'm only starting to get the hang of calling callcentres - even though I fucking worked in the damned establishments for a fair number of months not so long ago. I really don't like talking on the telephone to strangers.

And once more - the odd thing about this is, once I make it as far as an interview stage with a job, and once I'm in a job, or am in the progress of sorting something out with my bank or something, or involved in a series of phonecalls to resolve some issue - I kind of get into "the zone". I start by being an actress and pretending that I'm cool as a cucumber, and then the act kind of becomes me. I don't feel the slightest bit nervous at all when I go for a job interview because I've sort of practised my "interview mode" so many times in my head. I just slip into that act. And when I was working in callcentres, I kind of took it all in my stride (until I started getting depressed during the winter months - but that's another matter. ) It's strange.

I suppose the answer to this is to practise "acts" in my head for all these other things that continue to daunt me for no real fathomable reason... Meh... :-|

I'll stop ranting now and let someone else say something before I go on...

[lordpasternack]

I was actaully thinking that a thread like this might actually be better in a more "hidden" part of the forum - but I'd rather it wouldn't run into too many derails...

[Xamonas Chegwé]

You could have been describing me with both of those topics.

I procrastinate things too - often costing me difficulties down the line which I know I will have to overcome but I still do it.

And I get anxious with exactly the same kinds of situations. Also with filling in forms - I truly hate filling in forms, I always worry too much about whether I have answered every stupid, fucking, never-to-be-looked-at question correctly. I hate doing any kind of official business over the phone or face to face - I write far better than I talk, so I much prefer email or its snaily cousin.

[lordpasternack]

You could have been describing me with both of those topics.

I procrastinate things too - often costing me difficulties down the line which I know I will have to overcome but I still do it.

Yep.

And I get anxious with exactly the same kinds of situations. Also with filling in forms - I truly hate filling in forms, I always worry too much about whether I have answered every stupid, fucking, never-to-be-looked-at question correctly. I hate doing any kind of official business over the phone or face to face - I write far better than I talk, so I much prefer email or its snaily cousin.

Yessss! I'm terrible, or at least was terrible, with form-filling. I'm starting to get a bit better with that one. It's a mixture of the perfectionism, and the not wanting to concentrate on this mindless task.

Yeah - I remember that I only started getting my Education Maintenance Allowance around about Christmas back when I was in sixth year/form (as opposed to the start of the academic year), because I fucked around with the form-filling thing for that fucking long.

[AshtonBlack]

Oh I have a good few, but I don't want to break your servers with the full list but I'll give you a sample:

Hyper/Happy

I can talk the back legs of a donkey and the front ones. I am also happy 99% of the time. From the moment I awake to the moment me head hits the pillow. It is a rare day that I am "down".

Smoker/Toker/Coffee addict.

I smoke, far too much. I am a coffee addict and if I can get any (not often) I will take as much green as I can get. (Strangely though, people think I'm "normal" when I'm actually high as a kite... there's a story there but I won't go into it!)

Bored easily

I love learning stuff. This means that if a project has no challenge I tend to "go off it" a bit and start looking for the next.

No sense of embarressment

I will talk to anyone, about anything at anytime. I will also do karaoke(badly), sober.


Well that's about it... the major ones anyway.

[Bella Fortuna]

I sometimes have some very specific social anxieties, self-conscious-related things, none of which make any sense in light of other situations that bother me not in the least.

I also have a few physical manifestations of anxiety - constantly fiddling with my hands, my hair, etc. Nervous habit sort of stuff.

Many people think, in observing me, that I'm rather aloof or stuck-up, when really just the opposite is true - I'm usually feeling inadequate and hence stay quiet or in the background.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I was actaully thinking that a thread like this might actually be better in a more "hidden" part of the forum - but I'd rather it wouldn't run into too many derails...

Noted.

[Chinaski]

I get a kick out of getting people to think I'm weird.

I dismiss new people very easily.

I can be incredibly arrogant.

My sense of pride will lead me to sabotage myself socially and scholastically.

I'm far too blunt and often have trouble dealing with complex emotional situations. On the upside, however, my bluntness and directness has been of great help to the people with problems.

I chew my nails when I'm nervous or stressed.

I make a virtue out of vices (like drinking, poor school performance or being an asshole).

I enjoy self-pity far too much.

I'm very narcissistic, yet have trouble losing disfiguring habit, like picking at scabs and pimples.

I'm entirely unashamed and will jump at any opportunity to speak about the most taboo subject I can think of. I enjoy employing this conversation technique when meeting new people to judge prudishness and to scare away people I probably wouldn't like spending time with anyway.

I generally dislike people and consider myself a misanthrope, yet find myself outraged by injustices and anti-humanist occurrences.

[Transgirlofnofaith]

Umm, okay. My turn. I guess.

I guess the best place to start would be that I have somewhat of a variable personality, as indicated by the following symptoms:

1) I am very intelligent, and can analyse a thing, phenomena, or situation from multiple angles, so this gives me very nuanced views on things. I am explicitly not a manichean in most things, and I recognise that those who try to go through life with such a way of looking at things are either weak-minded or just self-made idiots who are too lazy to think things through, and as such, I have nothing but contempt and disgust for them.

2) I have a wide range of modes of thought, and this is something I can't really control, so while those may be useful for pursuing certain interests or tackling projects, it it like rolling the dice, only my brain does it without my consciousnes's permission or cooperation.

As for where I got them from, I would have to say my bitch mother. I don't say bitch idly. She gave me some nice mental scars that I still have, and you lot won't be getting any more details because I don't like talking about it, and my sanity is based on that nice layer of memory represion that dulls my childhood. Anyways, she was very erratic and sometimes mildly abusive, and was bipolar. However, I can state in absolute certainty that that wasn't an excuse for the way she treated me. The bitch still could have maintained some self control. And I am absolute in my views on this, so anyone giving stupid defenses of her will lose all my respect permanently and any chance of friendship. I am not being sarcastic in the least. And don't even make jokes. And thus, if anyone ever said some idiot thing in regard to me explaining this, like "you should love your parents" or, fate forbid, used the christian commandment on me, then they would duly have me open up a can of pissed on them. I don't think in my case it's an insult to be called a son of a bitch.

As for foibles, well, I can be quite lazy at cleaning. I don't leave old food or even garbage around, and I cleaned out my junk a long time ago, but my kitchen and bathroom counters are quite dirty.

And I can take forever to put my stuff away. For example, I just looked over my shoulder at my clothes pile. It goes like this: Wear clothes>put in worn once/dirty pile, or stick on floor somehere or on furniture>when they're dirty, stick them in dirty pile>wash them>hang them to dry>when they are dry, either ignore them where they are or put them on clean clothes pile. Repeat cycle.

And for things career-wise, well, I don't think I'm good at the typical interview thing because it's like a charade where each side says scripted things, and so I don't react well to the artificiality of it. And I'm just too indepedent-minded to feel good in a lot of jobs because If I'm doing something, I want to know why I'm doing it. I don't see this as a problem, and it makes me better at whatever thing I'm doing, but idiots don't agree with this opinion. Lately I'm considering trying to become a freelance journalist, along the lines of some kind of culture reporter, but I'm still in the dark as to some of the aspects of it, such as submitting pieces, negotiating pay, etc. Does anyone have any kind of resources for this?

As for anxieties, well, I'm a very private person, so I have much more in the way of conversation online than I do in real life. And this probably stops me from making friends IRL, too. I don't like sharing personal stuff, so in conversation, I am apt to share thoughts and opinions and keep my most personal stuff out of sight like a bunker under the ice of Bouvet Island. Basically I put up a lot of information that lets people think they know me but I keep my real self very well hidden. You could say I have trust issues. I am very reticent to open up to people and I mainly would only if they are in agreement with me on many issues or can understand my point of view, and/or I judge them to be of good personal quality or very wise or intelligent generally. I am not a fan of the "let's all be friends and hug" school of interpersonal relations. I think we should fight things out civilly, or in proportional response. I have a bad opinion, you tear the shit out of it. You have a bad opinion, I tear the shit out of it. The truth, and our search for it, is far more important than just being friends with everyone, and singing kumbaya or hippy songs whilst holding hands. You want to call me a misanthrope, fine. I'll call you naive. I just don't think that default niceness is good either philospophically or evolutionarily. We don't have to resort to calling each others' mothers cannibals, but we should recognise the war of ideas for what it is, and not be afraid to wade right in.

And also, I have a hard time connecting with people IRL. It usually stops when I hear what I think is a shit opinion from them, or when I hear something that indicates that they have poor knowledge of something which I feel is important to have as general knowledge. I am often amazed at the great yawning chasms(Bet the pervy people here just had a dirty thought) in their general knowledge. I don't really connect to people on the human level, except maybe genitally. So while I may like humping, I might be bad at the florid small talk necessary to achieve said humping.

I also don't like showing weakness or vulnerability, and so this probably stops me from getting to know people too. I may have a good sense of humour, but I used to be kind of a goofball (like lozzer, no offense intended, little sir), which was intended to try to get people to like me by being funny, but it doesn't quite work thet way. Since then, my sense of humour kind of went into a depression. It has mostly recovered, but it still attends group therapy on fridays. And it's kind of an alcoholic, too, but it just tells me it'll quit cold turkey, and that Churchill was a big drinker anyway. When I'm anxious it kind of goes AWOL or just comes up with dirty jokes or very un-PC humour. I find it a lot easier to be funny online. Teh inturnitz iz a guud plase fur da funny. It lase the egz and they fly ovv and nests in da 4chinnal.

I also used to be kind of anxious interacting with people, worrying what they think, being bad at interpreting people's moods, etc. I am better at reading signals now, and adopting kind of a "I don't give a fuck" attitude regarding rude or stupid people has helped, as well as practicing small talk. I am generally very polite, so I might not seem confrontional, but that's mainly because I don't tell most people my opinions or ideas unless I think they have the intelligence to justify me doing that. And this has also helped me be less anxious about feling judged by others, as I can respond with indifference or hostility when I get resistance about certain things. That's probably why I let my Furry self out of the closet and started brushing its long soft Silver fur.

And the only other anxiety I can think of is that I kind of have nervouness around people wearing "urban wear". Because of some bad personal experiences, I have an inclination to think that they are dumb, violent, or psychotic. I know this is kind of stereotyping, but I can't seem to get around it. Maybe this is just animal nervousness caused by bad personal experience, but it's still there.

Overall, I feel I'm pretty well adjusted, at least compared to most people. (Waits for comments from the peanut gallery)

[lordpasternack]

MoNF, I would honestly want to put some of your foibles down to whatever happened between your mother and you - your misanthropy, cynicism, and whatnot. I hate all shades of bitchiness, and I can't imagine how I'd have turned out if I was reared by someone who frequently manifested those behavioural patterns.

As it happens, my own mother was an alcoholic - perhaps depressive or bipolar on top of that - but my dad got custody of me and my brother when I was a too young to remember. It's since come up that she had a complete bitch of a mother, and was apparently sexually abused (to the point of full rape, she says) by her father. Like you say, I don't know how much can be excused on what grounds, and how much she could have learned to get past her mental issues... :-|

I also bumped into my half-brother in town the other day, and he spilled the beans on how he'd spent most of his early childhood with foster parents, thinking they were his real parents - until our mother fought for him back, and then started drinking not long after he'd got back with her - and that he subsequently was taken away from her again for a good few months. This was news to me, since I'd grown up with the impression that our mum had at least mothered one of her kids. My half-brother doesn't know his real father (though there's an outside chance that he could be my full brother) - but while he was back at his mum's, her partner used to beat him quite severely, he says.

Now my half-brother's girlfriend is pregnant. And he's only 17 just now. My brother knew he was going to be a father at 17 and has done a damn fine job, so I'm willing to give my half-brother the vote of confidence until further notice. He seems like he has a fair bit of innate intelligence - in fact, I can see some of my own little foibles, and some of my brother's - in him - but he's never had any real opportunity to attain his potential in education. He seems like he genuinely wants the best for this kid that's on the way.

I just hope he breaks the cycle of dysfunction with this new kid that's on the way. I hope he finds it in himself to be a good dad to my half-niece/nephew - and I hope my brother - who chose to break contact with my mother after our "reunion" in 2006 - might get back in touch with our half-brother.

Bleh... family affairs... It's a funny old world...

[Feck]

Should this be moved to the "Pub" ?

[lordpasternack]

Should this be moved to the "Pub" ?

Possibly - but that's where derails live, and this thread doesn't lend itself to frivolous derails.

Perhaps we could have a private general serious section - perhaps move it to "in depth"?

[Chinaski]

This is the "General serious discussion, including Philosophy". Not only philosophy, but anything serious, plus philosophy.

[Transgirlofnofaith]

MoNF, I would honestly want to put some of your foibles down to whatever happened between your mother and you - your misanthropy, cynicism, and whatnot. I hate all shades of bitchiness, and I can't imagine how I'd have turned out if I was reared by someone who frequently manifested those behavioural patterns.

Aren't you being a little too freudian? I thought I made a good case for some of my oddities being somewhat genetically influenced. And plus, my parents divorced when I was 9, and I went though a lot worse shit since then that I will never ever talk about or even admit to existing, except perhaps for the wifey when I find her and maybe having a pup or two before bringing that up.

[lordpasternack]

This is the "General serious discussion, including Philosophy". Not only philosophy, but anything serious, plus philosophy.

Yes - but the misgiving is about the fact that is is a public subforum, and some people - including me a little bit - feel that it should be in a private area of the forum. But it is a serious discussion, that doesn't quite lend itself to the atmosphere of the Pub and whatnot.