It is without doubt that we are 'different' on this (and other) websites to our 'public' self.Major Eyeswater wrote:So, which are the real 'us' then, I wonder? The ones typing in here or the ones you can touch....out there? I'd say I'm a very different person in each circumstance.
I, for example, have the same fear as Major E; "revealed as the tramp and misfit I am irl "
That said, the topics that I join in on, and the things that I say, are all me; my honest thoughts, my true opinions, and my sense of humour are all revealed here as surely as they would if I were speaking within a 'trusted circle of friends'. Probably, though not definitely, my use of language might differ - in real life, I may not be so flourishing in my speech init.
My self-esteem is rooted in my intellect rather than my physical appearance - I'll boast the ability to speak to people on many differing levels over many various topics, but in 'chatting up the ladies', I prefer dark corners in dimly lit caverns LMAO. Body Dysmorphia makes me feel so ugly.
However, when I write here (or any other forum) I am speaking from within me. I don't put on a false front, because there is no need to - y'all can't see me, so no need for the facade! My words and ideals will not differ in the 'real world' from here - so, as long as you can stand the sight of me, then we'll always be able to get as deep and philosophical in real life, as we do here.
Yes, but wouldn't it be an indicator of trust in itself?MCJ wrote:Trust is a part of what makes a friendship but not the basis.
Trust can be broken by someone with good intent; for example the breaking of a confidence by person X if they are worried about person Y.
I mean, I know that my other two friends will talk about me 'behind my back' (for lack of a better phrase), but trust that they would say the same things to my face - in terms of worrying about me - given the opportunity. I have always told them straight: "You will find it very difficult to offend me, so I'd rather you say what's on your mind, than boil it up inside to the point where "Friendship can be damaged, even destroyed...". I also tell them that I can deal with the truth...I might not like the truth, for sure, but at least I'll have the 'facts' which are what I can deal with best.
Then, I think that there has to be a clear defintion of and between the casual aquaintance to a friend.FBM wrote:First I meet someone, and if they seem easy enough to get along with, I hang out with them a bit more and, over time, a bit more. Trust? I think that's the last thing to develop, for me, if it ever does.
I have three FRIENDS.
They are the people that I could rely on to rally around in my times of crisis. When my world goes tits-up, as it invariable does, I can contact them and they would sort me out - whether that be as simple as an ear to listen, or as embarressing as having to borrow a tenner from them. They know that they can do the same with me in their time of need.
I have quite a few MATES.
They might be associated with one of my FRIENDS, and I have got to know them quite well over time.
Some of them would be work colleagues, or the bloke I always chat to in the street, or who have even popped by for a cuppa on occasion.
I trust my FRIENDS, but regard my MATES.
That's very interesting, FBM, and largely a rule, isn't it?FBM wrote:Trust? I only extend it when it's either trivial or there's no alternative.
I mean, I can recall certain times when I have had to share a deeply coveted secret (of my own life) in order for me to do something connected with that secret which requires the assistance of the person that I have had to divulge that information to.
Moreover, there have been times when I felt obliged to share a deeply coveted secret as a bond, or show of trust to a person that has trusted me enough to reveal a secret about themselves.
But here's a thought;
Isn't it 'funny' how we can 'spill the beans' to a therapist (an effective stranger, intially)?
Where is the trust in in that situation?
The law of 'patient-doctor' confidentiality?
Or trust in ourselves?
^^^I like this alot^^^Xamonas Chegwe wrote:I think that once a friend gets that close that they can hurt you by leaving, then it is love.
^^^I like this alot too^^^Scholastic Spastic wrote:My friends:
People who wish to know me, are willing to let me know them, ask no more than I can give, and give no more than I would ask. Oh, and score-keeping is a no-no. It will all come out in the wash, or not, but keeping score puts a crimp on sharing.
Isn't 'reliance' a form of 'trust' in itself?Born-Again-Atheist wrote:I can rely on them, and they on me,...
Rely:
(verb) 1. to be dependant on
(verb) 2. to have trust or confidence in
Anyways, I'll leave that with you....hehehehehe
The argument here, I think, is more to do with the definition of FRIEND(ship).
Maybe we should ban thesauri - they are what cause the most confusion and ARE DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the so-called 'legaleez' that takes so long to read through.
There also has to be a defintion of TRUST.
I trust the busdriver to get me from A to B without being killed, but wouldn't trust him with my wallet - so, do I trust him, or don't I?
Yes and No, obviously.
In the context of the opening post, I would define trust as the ability to share a closely guarded secret, or deeply personal issue that you wouldn't want to go any further than the room.
In the old days, according to Hollywood, the Mafia had phrases of introduction that seemed to define the level of trust that could be afforded to the introduced person; "...this is a friend of mine", or, "...this is a friend of ours".
The distinction of trust is in the hieracy of the organisation, and so too the penalties of abusing that trust.
The core difficulty, in this discussion, is defining what a FRIEND is.
I use the word 'friend' less often than I use the word 'mate' when I'm talking about people to others.
Like, I might say: "My friend Su came round to visit, and then my mate Colin turned up."
Su is one of the three friends that I have, whereas Colin, someone who I have respect and regard for nonetheless, is 'just' a mate. In my mind, I make a clear distinction between the two.
I would be equally available to them, but would choose each differently when considering my needs.
Does that make sense?
lol
So for me, trust is a basis for friendship.
Whereas, it becomes a question of 'fashion' with a mate.
Res...
