Selfishness

[Audley Strange]

We all have the ugly childish tactics we fall back on to get what we want.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

We all have the ugly childish tactics we fall back on to get what we want.

"Give me what I want or I'll hit you with this ugly child!"

[hadespussercats]

Red, you're probably right. But I think she doesn't realize that's what she's doing. Which makes it worse, because I can't be mad at her for doing shit on purpose.

It's a learnt behaviour and she probably has never being called out for it and therefor doesn't know what she is doing it doesn't make it any less wrong or bullshit.

Recently I have started calling her on it, sometimes. Mainly because now she's my son's grandmother, so, I want to try harder to get things working the way I'd like, rater than swallowing everything.

Actually, the fact that I am the gateway to her grandson (heh) kind of emboldens me a bit to speak my mind.

[redunderthebed]

That or she wilfully ignores it

[hadespussercats]

That or she wilfully ignores it

de Nile...

[Gawdzilla Sama]

That or she wilfully ignores it

de Nile...

Wade on in.

Speaking of evil relatives, where's Anna?

[hadespussercats]

That or she wilfully ignores it

de Nile...

Wade on in.

Speaking of evil relatives, where's Anna?

Schools keeping her busy. She made a fly-by post a few days ago.

[Coito ergo sum]

There can be a real passive aggressive side to selflessness-- the whole martyr thing that people like my MIL specialize in.
"Look at all I do for you. How can you not just do everything the way I'd like, out of gratitude for all I've given up and given over? Well, I'm strong-- I'll carry on. I'll just pour on the guilt and the judgement..."

Holy crap, She Who Must Be Obeyed's mom is EXACTLY like that. Everything is about control over She. Do as I say -- do this with the baby, or if you don't I'll pout, be angry, sit there and withhold all help. "Oh, if I do it so wrong, then I'll just not help AT ALL." It is so infuriating. She has a had to hold me back from laying into her mother and getting it all out in the open.

I'm direct about these things. I want to just say "you aren't going to speak to us like this and that's final," and such, but She is afraid that her mom will just make things worse. I'm like, fuck it, if she decides to not come around, who cares? If she's going to come around, she has to be respectful. Period.

I would muuuuuch rather deal with someone who's willing to say what they want and make a case for it--- who admits their desires and is willing to work with other people to either make them happen or work out a compromise.

This +100.

[hadespussercats]

There can be a real passive aggressive side to selflessness-- the whole martyr thing that people like my MIL specialize in.
"Look at all I do for you. How can you not just do everything the way I'd like, out of gratitude for all I've given up and given over? Well, I'm strong-- I'll carry on. I'll just pour on the guilt and the judgement..."

Holy crap, She Who Must Be Obeyed's mom is EXACTLY like that. Everything is about control over She. Do as I say -- do this with the baby, or if you don't I'll pout, be angry, sit there and withhold all help. "Oh, if I do it so wrong, then I'll just not help AT ALL." It is so infuriating. She has a had to hold me back from laying into her mother and getting it all out in the open.

I'm direct about these things. I want to just say "you aren't going to speak to us like this and that's final," and such, but She is afraid that her mom will just make things worse. I'm like, fuck it, if she decides to not come around, who cares? If she's going to come around, she has to be respectful. Period.

I would muuuuuch rather deal with someone who's willing to say what they want and make a case for it--- who admits their desires and is willing to work with other people to either make them happen or work out a compromise.

This +100.

Ugh. Is she over to help with the baby?

So glad we didn't get into that. Taking care of a newborn's tough, but in-laws around doesn't make it any easier!

[Coito ergo sum]

Yes, but there is no real help being offered. It's like ...people think that coming over to hold the baby is 'helping' -- nope. Helping is fixing some food, or throwing in a load of laundry or cleaning up around the house.

The inlaws came over and sat around, and made it more difficult for us. thanks. thanks a lot...lol

[Sean Hayden]

You'll blow eventually, I did anyway. I just flat told her dad to stop it, I wasn't going to listen to him talk that way.

We get along fine.

[JimC]

I feel very lucky that Bron's mum, and my mum, when they were alive, were never like that at all. They just pitched in and helped - never the slightest conflict, especially over the grandchildren...

[hadespussercats]

Yes, but there is no real help being offered. It's like ...people think that coming over to hold the baby is 'helping' -- nope. Helping is fixing some food, or throwing in a load of laundry or cleaning up around the house.

The inlaws came over and sat around, and made it more difficult for us. thanks. thanks a lot...lol

That's exactly it.

With my folks, their health is so poor, we'd just wind up taking care of them the whole time (my sister found that out the hard way.)

With J's folks, I just don't think portpartum me would have had the stuff to handle Dolores our Lady of Passive Aggression and her husband Sir Douchealot. It takes at least a day of post-visit processing for me to get back to normal after seeing them as it is.

[hadespussercats]

You'll blow eventually, I did anyway. I just flat told her dad to stop it, I wasn't going to listen to him talk that way.

We get along fine.

[JimC]

hadespussercats wrote:

...Dolores our Lady of Passive Aggression and her husband Sir Douchealot....