Men -- Are We Not Pulling Our Weight?

[hadespussercats]

Yeah. I'd say save your cleaning service money for a sitter, but... if you have a cleaning service and you're buying new cars with cash, I'm guessing springing for a sitter isn't going to break the bank.

Sounds like it'll be great, Coito.

[Coito ergo sum]

Yeah. I'd say save your cleaning service money for a sitter, but... if you have a cleaning service and you're buying new cars with cash, I'm guessing springing for a sitter isn't going to break the bank.

Sounds like it'll be great, Coito.

The cleaning service is not too expensive. I think we overpay, because she's illegal and we didn't haggle and we pay cash. But, She Who Must Be Obeyed isn't much of a haggler.

[Thinking Aloud]

I keep thinking I should post something here, but then I don't.

[hadespussercats]

I keep thinking I should post something here, but then I don't.

If you were really pulling your weight, you would.

[Coito ergo sum]

Men are slugs!

We don't do shit around the house.

Women bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and the men just sit there and eat it saying "and make me a sammich!"

We suck.

[hadespussercats]

Men aren't slugs. Slugs go away if I sprinkle salt on them.

[JimC]

Men aren't slugs. Slugs go away if I sprinkle salt on them.

Please try sprinkling gin on me. You will notice an interesting effect...

[hadespussercats]

Nice hydroskeleton!

[SteveB]

Men are slugs!

We don't do shit around the house.

Women bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and the men just sit there and eat it saying "and make me a sammich!"

We suck.

Watch the change in him when it is the ApeLusters who are saying it.

[Coito ergo sum]

Men aren't slugs. Slugs go away if I sprinkle salt on them.

Men are sloths, then...

[hadespussercats]

Men aren't slugs. Slugs go away if I sprinkle salt on them.

Men are sloths, then...

But sloths are soooo cuuuuute!

[Coito ergo sum]

Men aren't slugs. Slugs go away if I sprinkle salt on them.

Men are sloths, then...

But sloths are soooo cuuuuute!

And, what? Men aren't? She Who Must Be Obeyed says I'm cute, so....mmmmyeeehhh!!

[rachelbean]

Me and Pappa both work full-time and share in cooking and cleaning. I think I end up doing a lot more cleaning just because I can't handle the mess and it stresses me out, wheras he doesn't even notice it. I feel like we both pull our weight though in different ways.

Heck, even the bad relationships I've been in have not really had anything to do with the guy not pulling their weight as far as those things go, if anything my exes were the clean and organized ones. I think with things like that, you get what you ask for/expect. I know guys who have only been interested in spoiled superficial women who expected everything done for them and then were annoyed when they didn't want to cook dinner or clean the house even though they didn't have a job. I've known women who married guys after years of them being total slobs and then hounded them for it as if they expected something different

[Beatsong]

I don't see how any of our individual experiences are going to answer a societal question that can really only be addressed by scientifically administered statistical studies.

I agree with this.

It may not "answer" the question, but it can do with some discussion.

It would be interesting to hear folks' personal experiences and/or theories on the ways in which men are not pulling their weight, if indeed they are not doing so. For example, a person might say, "I agree that men in general are not pulling their weight, because I think they do less of X, Y or Z, and here is why I think that." That could give some fodder to investigate and see if any harder science has been done in those areas.

The problem I have with some of the studies that have been done so far is that they don't seem to take into account all tasks of daily life, but rather they seem to leave things out (at least that is the impression I get).

And I agree with this too.

Personally, Mrs Beatsong and I have generally done about the same number of money-earning working hours, although she's usually been the main breadwinner due to getting a higher hourly rate. Now that's reversed a bit as she has health problems that restrict her working. I am a completely full-on hands-on dad when it comes to childcare, probably moreso than her, spending more time actively doing stuff with the kids. I also do all the finances and some other stuff. Have to hold my hands up though and admit I am absolutely crap about housework - the very epitome of the useless male slob.

So there you go. What does that tell us?

i wonder what a good scientific study would look like?

I can see several problems with even attempting one. First, do you assume that all labour, in and out of the house, is valued at the same rate based purely on the time it takes? If someone works an eight hour shift in an untaxing menial job, does that count the same as someone who works eight hours as a labourer or brain surgeon and - for different reasons - then requires considerable "down time".

Second, the problem I always see with trying to determine these things "fairly" is that the partners in a relationship usually have differing ideas about what needs to be done. The most common example of this is probably housework, with men simply not needing or particularly wanting the house to look as perfect as women do. I don't not to the dishes every day because I assume that my wife will do them. I don't do them because I don't CARE if they stack up for a while. It's make for a more satisfying life for me to have the time and mental space free to do other things, and then do them in one big go.

Similarly, a man might spend his entire weekend working on some DIY job that as far as he is concerned, is vitally important and makes the house a better place to live in. While his wife sees it as a complete waste of time and wishes he would wash the nappies instead.

Or someone might to very little in the house because they voluntarily work 80 hours a week to earn extra money. They may consider this necessary, while their spouse would much rather be poorer and have them around helping out (or just being together) more.

There are many possible permutations of this. Obviously in a couple you need to be sensitive to your partner's needs, and if it's a couple worth being in you want them to be happy and are prepared to do some stuff for that. But the different perceptions are still there, and you can't measure what proportion each partner is doing of what needs to be done, until you define exactly what needs to be done in the first place. Most people in relationships define that differently from each other, so you're a bit stuck.