Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

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Sean Hayden
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Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by Sean Hayden » Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:04 pm

I think we can put our minds together and win this thing. Submit your attempt here, multiple entries encouraged.
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (BLFC) is a tongue-in-cheek contest, held annually and sponsored by the English Department of San Jose State University in San Jose, California. Entrants are invited "to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels" – that is, deliberately bad.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer- ... on_Contest

Dinner was still hot. But David wouldn't be eating tonight. I found him slouching in what looked like a bowl of chili, bent at the waist, limp as a flaccid penis.
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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by Sean Hayden » Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:35 pm

Feel free to move this to literature/arts thread...
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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by JimC » Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:50 pm

It was a well-lit and totally calm night...
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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by Brian Peacock » Tue Sep 17, 2019 10:01 pm

If it hadn't been for the bats, which he later realised were typical at this longitude, Derek's third round from his immaculately prepared Steyr SSG 69, one of the most powerful rifles known to man, wouldn't have taken the young donkey's leg off just below the knee - but then this wasn't going to be the kind of day for clean shots... or clean getaways.
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Clinton Huxley » 21 Jun 2012 » 14:10:36 GMT
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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by Hermit » Wed Sep 18, 2019 12:35 am

JimC wrote:
Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:50 pm
It was a well-lit sunny and totally calm night day...
The funny thing about the opening sentence of Edward Bulwer-Lytton's 1830 novel, Paul Clifford, is that he did not coin it. "It was a dark and stormy night" found its way to publication (though near the end rather than the very beginning) in Washington Irving's satire, Knickerbocker's History of New York, 21 years earlier.
So you talk about mobs and the working classes as if they were the question. You've got that eternal idiotic idea that if anarchy came it would come from the poor. Why should it? The poor have been rebels, but they have never been anarchists; they have more interest than anyone else in there being some decent government. The poor man really has a stake in the country. The rich man hasn't; he can go away to New Guinea in a yacht. The poor have sometimes objected to being governed badly; the rich have always objected to being governed at all. Aristocrats were always anarchists. - G.K. Chesterton

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by Sean Hayden » Wed Sep 18, 2019 12:53 am

The toys which had melted under Arizona's crayola sky, now reminded Timmothy of his father's stroke face.
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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by Brian Peacock » Wed Sep 18, 2019 2:31 am

:lol:
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"This is how humanity ends; bickering over the irrelevant."
Clinton Huxley » 21 Jun 2012 » 14:10:36 GMT
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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by pErvinalia » Wed Sep 18, 2019 3:34 am

Nevertheless, Chase stroked her cheek and fondled his phone with a tenderness not befitting his 6 foot 5 rippled physique.
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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by laklak » Wed Sep 18, 2019 7:44 am

She suppressed a frisson of a shudder as his bright blue eye bored into her soul, his black eye patch, crooked pirate smile, and chiseled torso crossed with bandoliers carrying multiple flintlock pistols belying his sensitive nature, which was confirmed by the tender way he offered his parrot, actually a blue macaw, a bit of hardtack.
Yeah well that's just, like, your opinion, man.

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by Brian Peacock » Wed Sep 18, 2019 10:51 am

Duncan realised that if he was going to survive to see another sunrise he was going to have to put down the trifle.
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"It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice.
There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia."

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"This is how humanity ends; bickering over the irrelevant."
Clinton Huxley » 21 Jun 2012 » 14:10:36 GMT
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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by pErvinalia » Wed Sep 18, 2019 11:12 am

"Drop it!" repeated Ernesto. "This is no trifling matter".
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"The Western world is fucking awesome because of mostly white men" - DaveDodo007.
"Socialized medicine is just exactly as morally defensible as gassing and cooking Jews" - Seth. Yes, he really did say that..
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"My penis is VERY small" - Cunt.

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by laklak » Wed Sep 18, 2019 11:35 am

"I'm warning you, Ernesto", Duncan exclaimed, his threatening mutton chops bristling, "Do not trifle with Pavolva's affections, she is very dear to me, and is, in fact, my long lost sister!"
Yeah well that's just, like, your opinion, man.

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by pErvinalia » Wed Sep 18, 2019 11:49 am

"Duncan, I am your father!"
Sent from my penis using wankertalk.
"The Western world is fucking awesome because of mostly white men" - DaveDodo007.
"Socialized medicine is just exactly as morally defensible as gassing and cooking Jews" - Seth. Yes, he really did say that..
"Seth you are a boon to this community" - Cunt.
"My penis is VERY small" - Cunt.

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by Brian Peacock » Wed Sep 18, 2019 12:57 pm

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
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"It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice.
There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia."

Frank Zappa

"This is how humanity ends; bickering over the irrelevant."
Clinton Huxley » 21 Jun 2012 » 14:10:36 GMT
.

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Re: Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Post by rainbow » Wed Sep 18, 2019 1:34 pm

In the jungle, the missionary sleeps fitfully as if it might be his last, noticing the smell of a strange stew bubbling in the village.
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