The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

[Coito ergo sum]

Definitely another runner-up, at least, IMO.

.

Better?

Thanks! I need my horrible writing to be acknowledged properly!

[Ronja]

I need my horrible writing to be acknowledged properly!

Who doesn't?

[Svartalf]

You know that most of my writing got deleted or lost in HD meltdowns ... so I lost even the bits I liked

[Trinity]

Bella, thankyou so much; these snippets are supreme!! Right up my street

[Calilasseia]

Assuming that I still have time to submit this, how about the following:

I was minded, upon seeing for the first time, the intended target of my intentions in the flesh, as opposed to viewing his visage via the medium of variable-quality photographs that had been my introduction thereto, how insignificant he was ... that this raisin-featured specimen, whose countenance could best be described as 'scrotal', misshapen ears framing the sort of face that H. R. Giger might have dreamt up, whilst hallucinating under the influence of a particularly florid case of bacterial meningitis, had not only risen to sufficient prominence in the world of politics, to acquire enemies willing to pay me substantial sums in order to hasten his exit from both office and life, but had somehow succeeded in becoming a European head of state, testified with terrifying, indeed mind-buggering eloquence, to the sordid depths now occupied by the art of what was once proudly called 'statesmanship', but which, in the hands of ilk such as his, had ceased to be a calling, and was now merely another piece of salaried drudgery, with, thanks to decades of stultifying legislation, not even the pleasures of occasional corruption to relieve the tedium.

[surreptitious57]

She woke up before him as usual but
there was something wrong and what was
bothering her was that she did not know what
it was but how could that be she thought to herself
when that was just not possible or at least she thought
so but this was just bugging her no end but had decided then
that a shower was what was needed now as she turned on the water
and waited for it to warm up to when it was just right for her reptilian skin