So.... Seen Any Good Movies Lately?

[Trolldor]

Sounds like the kind of film I'd stab myself for having watched through.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Sounds like the kind of film I'd stab myself for having watched through.

Probably. I snorked at the carnage. It went over the top before the top ever came into sight. RZ's attempts to keep it looking Grindhouse were successful at least.

[Ronja]

We just saw the 2009 Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams etc.

Me like! For once a film that has decent lines, and intriguingly indecent characters. The dark angle was shamefully ignored by our local reviewers, who called it an action film. I say a mystery, an adventure, and a touch of the scary/macabre, with a few entertaining enough action scenes in the mix.

BTW Voddler worked perfectly (first time we used it for a full-length film).

[Gawdzilla Sama]

We just saw the 2009 Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams etc.

Me like! For once a film that has decent lines, and intriguingly indecent characters. The dark angle was shamefully ignored by our local reviewers, who called it an action film. I say a mystery, an adventure, and a touch of the scary/macabre, with a few entertaining enough action scenes in the mix.

BTW Voddler worked perfectly (first time we used it for a full-length film).

I liked that he debunked the bad guy at the end. That was important to me.

[Ronja]

We just saw the 2009 Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams etc.

Me like! For once a film that has decent lines, and intriguingly indecent characters. The dark angle was shamefully ignored by our local reviewers, who called it an action film. I say a mystery, an adventure, and a touch of the scary/macabre, with a few entertaining enough action scenes in the mix.

BTW Voddler worked perfectly (first time we used it for a full-length film).

I liked that he debunked the bad guy at the end. That was important to me.

M said *exactly* the same.

Of course he did! What else did you guys expect? 'E's Sherlock bleedin' 'Olmes, ain't 'e?

[maiforpeace]

This is England.

Thumbs up.

[Pappa]

This is England.

Thumbs up.

I saw it last week.... excellent film.

[maiforpeace]

This is England.

Thumbs up.

I saw it last week.... excellent film.

That kid is a pretty awesome little actor.

[Pappa]

This is England.

Thumbs up.

I saw it last week.... excellent film.

That kid is a pretty awesome little actor.

They made a spin off mini-series from it too. This is England '86.
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/this-is-england-86/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_Is_England_%2786

[M]

Tooke the girls to see Despicable Me yesterday, despite knowing practically nothing about it beforehand. It was delightful.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Anybody seen "Megamind" yet?

[Pappa]

Tooke the girls to see Despicable Me yesterday, despite knowing practically nothing about it beforehand. It was delightful.

I loved it.

[leo-rcc]

Tooke the girls to see Despicable Me yesterday, despite knowing practically nothing about it beforehand. It was delightful.

I loved it as well, I saw it last week. Excellent.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Tooke the girls to see Despicable Me yesterday, despite knowing practically nothing about it beforehand. It was delightful.

"Fool of a Tooke! Throw yourself in next time!"

[Animavore]

I'm really struggling to find some comic inspiration from this inane, insipid, inept and outright idiotic film. Which is ironic because out of the films on the bad movie list I've reviewed so far this is only one that is actually supposed to be a comedy. Not even by accident was it funny, at any moment. I would not show this to children at a Christmas party. It will suck out all the joy out of the Festive Season. After they've managed to stop crying they would proclaim that Christmas is ruined... forever.

It didn't waste a second. It went straight to the bottom of the barrel and began scraping immediately. We have at the beginning an orphan girl writing a letter to Santa asking him to come help and save their orphanage (do they even have orphanages any more?) from the evil Ebner Frost who is trying to take it off them. We then see Hulk Hogan sneaking up on a mansion. He scopes out the guards pacing back and forth, marking their position. He runs straight up to the first guard, hits him a few slaps then knocks him to the ground and says, "Never stop to smell the roses". I mean... what the fuck does that even mean?! It's the beginning of a series of nonsensical one liners that are more pitiful than a dog mounted on wheels due to lack of legs. The Hulkster then runs up to a veranda to steal some box where he gets attacked by more guards. When they finally have him in a position he can't get out of he says, "What time have we got?" Yes. You've guessed it. These men were his employees and this was a training exercise. Seriously. Get the fucking boat.

So the Hulkster is some millionaire guy called Blake Thornton who sells health products, or something, I'm not exactly sure what he does because whoever wretched up the script like a rancid and mucus-crusted furball decided that attention to detail was not a necessary virtue.

I actually have a copy of the script here.

Screenshot-14.png (8.59 KiB) Viewed 877 times

Anyway, so he goes off to play paintball, as you do, and he and his mates race by a cop car and the cop gives chase. The Hulkster runs off into a shopping mall where the kids are all waiting to see Santa. Here's where shit gets incoherent. A stressed out, managerial looking woman is wondering where Santa has got to. Inside his grotto are a group of men dressed as elves playing cards. She flashes a note, a $50 bill I think, and says that she will give it to whoever can find her a Santa Claus. I don't get why one of the elves didn't just dress up. I mean, that's what any normal person does, right?

Anyway, meanwhile the Hulkster is getting chased through the service corridors. He ducks into a room and finds a Santa costume which he dawns and passes by the police. One of the police spots his fatigues hanging out and they yell at him to stop. He runs around the corner and into a rubbish chute where he is hanging on while the cops wonder where he got to. Some janitor on the level above drops a load of crap on him knocking Hulk down the chute where he falls in a heap at the feet of one of the elves who just happens to also be in trouble with Ebner Frost. He fleeces Hulks wallet and realising who he is he is jubilant thinking all his Christmases have come at once. Hulk comes to and the elf, very quickly and spuriously, realising that Hulk has amnesia convinces him he's Santa.

So he goes out and does the Santa job until two men try to rob the collection money for the children's orphanage while the woman at the counter has fallen asleep but they drop the drum and it breaks spilling money. They try fill their pockets but a child sees them and starts screaming for Santa so the Hulk dishes out some Yuletide justice on them even administering a North-poleaxe on one of them (sorry, that was mine ). It's then he notices that there's an orphanage which needs help and takes it upon himself to go there because that's what Santa does, yeah? He helps cunts.

The orphanage, around this time, is getting harassed by Frost's henchmen. A bunch of so-called mad scientists. We see them earlier intimidating a shoe-shop owner. I use the term "intimidate" loosely. I've seen baby deer that are more intimidating. One was a geologist. He steps up to the salesman, who is tied up and hanging upside down and says, "You will make a great fossil". Ooooh. I'm really a-fucking-fraid. The second is a chemist, he sprays methane in the guys face and says, "Most people hate the smell of methane but I call it 'nature's perfume". Then the third one was this electricity woman called Miss Watts. I mean seriously, could you give a fuck? They're the type of people who if they called around to your business trying to racketeer in real life you'd hand them each a bucket full of candy, pat them on the head and tell them to have a nice Halloween. And yet here we see them, at an orphanage, terrifying the residents who, by rights, should've pointed at them and laughed and then told them to fuck off. Luckily Hulk arrives on the scene and dispatches them like condoms at college health clinic.

Now this orphanage only has 3 children in it. One of them a very young Mila Kunis (this film ruined her for me ). They have no problem with letting a strange guy dressed as Santa and his elf friend stay a couple of nights. None of the shit makes sense. I still hadn't laughed or even smirked once at this stage. One of the kids asks Santa to help them out. This is the same snot-nosed brat from the beginning.

This is all very painful to watch. It has nothing interesting. You can fill in the rest of the film from here. The bad guys want the orphanage because it's built over some catacombs with expensive minerals in it. They come back and in the scuffle Hulk bounces his head again and realises who he is and has a bit of a change of heart. He calls the orphanage and the bad guys trick him into thinking he's talking to the owner of the place and tells him never to return. Sad montage. They get through to Hulk. Hulk returns and begins taking out the henchmen (who are wielding t-squares!). Then he has to fight the three mad scientists, fights end guy. Orphanage gets destroyed. Where will the kids go now? Why Hulk's big mansion, of course.

There was only one bit in the film which stood out and it was only the fact that it was one of the dumbest things I have ever seen in any film ever as well as the most pointless. When Hulk is on his way back to the orphanage they run back by the same cop from earlier and he gives chase again this time with lots of back up. The Hulk manages to evade the cops for a bit but is eventually blocked at which point one of the cops pulls out a bazooka!? Deary, deary me. In what universe do normal, every day cops in America have bazookas? I'm not even sure S.W.A.T. teams have that type of arsenal. And the only reason they had this in the film at all is so he could fire it at the Hulks Hummer, the Hulk swerves to avoid it and the rocket misses and where do you think it hits? The cop's car from the beginning leaving the cop with a blackened face and sooty, furry dice hanging around his neck.

That unoriginal, totally implausible, out of context and off-timed (comic wise) moment just sums up the whole film.

Even I were a Hindu god I would not have enough palms and enough faces for this movie.