Welcome back, lak!

[pErvinalia]

Great to have you back, champ! Glad you haven't been eaten by any Floridian zombie people, or had your head chopped off with a spoon.

[laklak]

It was touch and go for a while there, but thanks to God and Concealed Carry I made it through.

[pErvinalia]

Is it possible that Florida is actually a giant movie set?

[laklak]

A cast of millions!

There's an entire underground state where we change costumes and get lunch.

[Animavore]

Oh. It's you.

[JimC]

Isn't Florida full of geriatrics this time of year?

[pErvinalia]

Axe wielding zombie geriatrics, yes.

[Xamonas Chegwé]

Flarda: Where old Merkans go to wear ugly shirts and moan about the fuckin' 'skeeters.

[pErvinalia]

And chop people to bits and eat them, among other gruesome acts..

[laklak]

Look out your window, see all that white shit?
That's what they call snow, man, it's surely the pits.
Why do you live there, so cold all the time?
I'm sure you desire more salubrious climes.
No more damn ice storms, no snow plows, no hail,
Just sparkling blue waters you're jonesing to sail.

So quit that crap job and fold up the tent,
Pack up the kids and the dog, screw the rent.
Call Granny and tell her you're coming to stay,
Don't say for how long, she might shoo you away.
Fire up the pickup, head down 95,
Don't stop till you're south of the Georgia state line.

Welcome to Florida, The Southernmost State!
There's plenty of sunshine, great beaches and lakes.
You'll play lots of golf, a round every day,
And finish it off with a beer by the bay.
Don't worry, you'll find a great job and a house
And on weekends the kids get to see Mickey Mouse.

Hang on, what's that pain, that unbearable itch?
My toes have turned red and swole up like a bitch.
Oh yeah, those are fire ants, they're best to avoid.
Rattlesnakes too (they're easily annoyed).
Spiders and skeeters and deadly black mold
But look on the bright side, at least it ain't cold.

It is a bit sticky, humidity's high.
A mosquito has bitten you inside your thigh.
Sweat is now trickling right down your ass crack
And your T-shirt is stuck to the hairs on your back.
You're dripping with sweat and running with snot,
In Florida it's muggy, and buggy, and hot.

Did you find a job yet? Got anything pending?
I hear Burger King's hiring and Amscot is lending.
There's always Home Depot or the day labor hall,
If you can dig ditches or hang straight drywall.
How 'bout your wife? She's a bit of a looker,
There's money in stripping or being a hooker.

Hey! Don't get so pissed off, it's just a suggestion,
Stick to the stripping, there's less chance of infection.
You came down with no money, no prospects, or plan
This ain't California, there's no welfare, man.
You did this to yourself, there's no underhand plot,
In Florida it's muggy, and buggy, and hot.

[piscator]

Uhmm, the big island of Hawaii is at least 4 degrees south of any part of Florida...

[laklak]

OK, Southernmost of the lower 48. Jeez, you outlanders.

[piscator]

There's, like, 46 million people in Florida, so...
At least you have Alaska to the east and west of you.

[laklak]

Lol. Yeah, and if is wasn't so fucking cold I'd already be there. It's only 19 million, but some of the redneck women should count for more than one. Maybe do the census by weight or number of chins.