That's something I never learned at church. No one ever talked about Joseph's place in heaven, or if he even was given one. Does God not love a cuck?Crumple wrote:Joseph was the ultimate cuck but did he find out in his lifetime or afterwards?
The 'Virgin' Mary?
Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
Joe is a saint, so is supposed to have his seat up there. Sure had to be to still take Mary in after what she did to his marital honor.
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
You're too literal to understand the true miracle of chrimbus. First you must BELIEVE. BELIEVE hard and long, BELIEVE until you nearly go blind - then you'll understand.Pogue wrote:Well, it's almost Christmas time to I guess it's time to irreverently discuss a couple of of the blatantly obvious inconsistencies in the story of Christ's birth and resurrection. The two points which I'm sure most of you are aware of are "How does a woman get impregnated without having sex?". The second being 'How does one resurrect oneself from death?"
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Clinton Huxley » 21 Jun 2012 » 14:10:36 GMT
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"It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice.
There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia."
Frank Zappa
"This is how humanity ends; bickering over the irrelevant."
Clinton Huxley » 21 Jun 2012 » 14:10:36 GMT
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
there was a time when I believed, and then I got that it all was a bunch of absurdities and I was weary with being poor in mind as a village idiot.
Embrace the Darkness, it needs a hug
PC stands for "Patronizing Cocksucker" Randy Ping
PC stands for "Patronizing Cocksucker" Randy Ping
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
The first question is easy, the impregnator shoots a load into the cylinder of a turkey baster or water pistol type device, and then they insert the device into Mary's box, and fill her up. Or, something like this:Pogue wrote:Well, it's almost Christmas time to I guess it's time to irreverently discuss a couple of of the blatantly obvious inconsistencies in the story of Christ's birth and resurrection. The two points which I'm sure most of you are aware of are "How does a woman get impregnated without having sex?". The second being 'How does one resurrect oneself from death?"
The second is easy too. Just depends on how death is defined.
Clear!
Easy peasy, Japanesey.
Sorry for the offense, Japanese folks. My only other option was to offend lemons, and lemons are a marginalized fruit, so....
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
I never believed. Religious education was divided into two parts....like motives/morals and names of Bible characters. I did very well with motives/morals.
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
I tried to believe, but I never really did.
One that really got me was this story in Sunday school one day - I had to be about 11 or 12 at the time - maybe younger - and they told this story about evangelical folks going to the USSR to spread the "good news" of Jesus and whatnot. The Bible was illegal over there to disseminate, and the folks were bringing a carload of the books across a border. They prayed real hard for God to intervene so that the guards at the border did not see the Bibles they were smuggling in, even though they could be seen through the windows of the car, they said. Well, their faith was so strong, that the guards were unable to see the Bibles.
I remember thinking to myself .... that sounds like it isn't true. It sounds made up. I really did not believe it.
I also did not believe the story of Noah's ark. As a kid, I asked what about the dinosaurs and how did two everything get on the ark, when there couldn't be enough room, and if there was enough water to cover the entire earth (which would include thehighest mountains, like Everest), where did all the water go? five miles of water can't just drain away, can it..... with god, all things were possible, they said....
.....I kept thinking to myself that that explanation just wasn't good enough....
Sounded like bullshit.
And, then the Book of Job was a killer for me. Job did everything right, and God put him through the ringer on a bet with Satan? A bet God had to know he'd win because he "knows everything?" Sounded really mean to me to do that.... the explanation I was given was that since god did it, he must hav ehad a good reason and it was best....
Again...smelled like bullshit to me.
One that really got me was this story in Sunday school one day - I had to be about 11 or 12 at the time - maybe younger - and they told this story about evangelical folks going to the USSR to spread the "good news" of Jesus and whatnot. The Bible was illegal over there to disseminate, and the folks were bringing a carload of the books across a border. They prayed real hard for God to intervene so that the guards at the border did not see the Bibles they were smuggling in, even though they could be seen through the windows of the car, they said. Well, their faith was so strong, that the guards were unable to see the Bibles.
I remember thinking to myself .... that sounds like it isn't true. It sounds made up. I really did not believe it.
I also did not believe the story of Noah's ark. As a kid, I asked what about the dinosaurs and how did two everything get on the ark, when there couldn't be enough room, and if there was enough water to cover the entire earth (which would include thehighest mountains, like Everest), where did all the water go? five miles of water can't just drain away, can it..... with god, all things were possible, they said....
.....I kept thinking to myself that that explanation just wasn't good enough....
Sounded like bullshit.
And, then the Book of Job was a killer for me. Job did everything right, and God put him through the ringer on a bet with Satan? A bet God had to know he'd win because he "knows everything?" Sounded really mean to me to do that.... the explanation I was given was that since god did it, he must hav ehad a good reason and it was best....
Again...smelled like bullshit to me.
“When I was in college, I took a terrorism class. ... The thing that was interesting in the class was every time the professor said ‘Al Qaeda’ his shoulders went up, But you know, it is that you don’t say ‘America’ with an intensity, you don’t say ‘England’ with the intensity. You don’t say ‘the army’ with the intensity,” she continued. “... But you say these names [Al Qaeda] because you want that word to carry weight. You want it to be something.” - Ilhan Omar
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
I was kicked out of church for asking too many questions. "YOU MUST HAVE FAITH". Fuck off. That was me at 12.
"Wat is het een gezellig boel hier".
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
Don't see the point of a Virgin Mary. Put some fucking booze in it already. I prefer tequila or gin to vodka, though.
Yeah well that's just, like, your opinion, man.
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
As far as I recall, the whole virgin birth thing was an afterthought by delusional theologians hundreds of years later. It would not have been a talking point amongst the apostles et al...
Nurse, where the fuck's my cardigan?
And my gin!
And my gin!
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
Just the catholic church's fascination about sex.
"Wat is het een gezellig boel hier".
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
I love me a good virgin mary, never tried substitutiong the booze, though, I just find that vodka doesn't add anything worthwhile.laklak wrote:Don't see the point of a Virgin Mary. Put some fucking booze in it already. I prefer tequila or gin to vodka, though.
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
Mary was such a minor character in my short Lutheran period. Even as a 7 year old I could see that Jesus and God were the doers, a good cop bad cop team. Besides, I did not know how to get a woman pregnant at that time.
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Re: The 'Virgin' Mary?
Tequila or gin give it an entirely different taste. I don't like vodka very much, no real flavor. I also use V8 juice rather than tomato, and the not so secret ingredient of about a third of an anchovy, muddled with a bit of lime juice, Worcestershire, and Louisiana hot sauce.Svartalf wrote:I love me a good virgin mary, never tried substitutiong the booze, though, I just find that vodka doesn't add anything worthwhile.laklak wrote:Don't see the point of a Virgin Mary. Put some fucking booze in it already. I prefer tequila or gin to vodka, though.
Yeah well that's just, like, your opinion, man.
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