Heaven

[Tero]

There is no cats and dogs and no sex. I think they play bridge and maybe pool.

Enjoy:

John was carried away to heaven in Revelation chapter 21 and this chapter is perhaps the best description of heaven that we know of; at least the heaven that will be seen by those who are Christ’s today. John describes it in Revelation 21:10-27:

10 And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God.
11 It shone with the glory of God, and its brilliance was like that of a very precious jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal.
12 It had a great, high wall with twelve gates, and with twelve angels at the gates. On the gates were written the names of the twelve tribes of Israel.
13 There were three gates on the east, three on the north, three on the south and three on the west.
14 The wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.
15 The angel who talked with me had a measuring rod of gold to measure the city, its gates and its walls. 16 The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide. He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia [or 1,400 miles!] in length, and as wide and high as it is long [1,400 miles wide and tall!].
17 The angel measured the wall using human measurement, and it was 144 cubits [that is 200 feet!] thick.
18 The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass.
19 The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald, 20 the fifth onyx, the sixth ruby, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth turquoise, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst [these last two stones are unknown or only exist in heaven today].
21 The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of gold, as pure as transparent glass.
22 I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple.
23 The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp.
24 The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it.
25 On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there.
26 The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it.
27 Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s book of life.


Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com ... z3fz8LQFSA

[Xamonas Chegwé]

Doesn't say fuck all about pubs.

And it all seems a little... bright. Meh.

[Tero]

There are no pubs because there is no beer. This is because there is no urinating!

[JimC]

He was smoking some powerful shit when he dreamed that lot up...

[mistermack]

What amuses me, is that they see nothing wrong with the Biblical description of a ''firmament'' in the sky.
What they thought, back then, was that there was a kind of glass sheet called a firmament, in the sky, and above that, there was water, which could filter through, and fall as rain.
Which is how the flood came about.

How do these people who believe every word in the bible, explain where the firmament has gone?

[Tero]

Ah! Wonderful! Fine god for hoarding all that water in his firmament.

[Seth]

What amuses me, is that they see nothing wrong with the Biblical description of a ''firmament'' in the sky.
What they thought, back then, was that there was a kind of glass sheet called a firmament, in the sky, and above that, there was water, which could filter through, and fall as rain.
Which is how the flood came about.

How do these people who believe every word in the bible, explain where the firmament has gone?

Firmament warming causing drought...

[Seth]

There is no cats and dogs and no sex. I think they play bridge and maybe pool.

I think they spend a lot of time polishing jewels and gold. Somebody's got to do it...

[mistermack]

There is no cats and dogs and no sex. I think they play bridge and maybe pool.

I think they spend a lot of time polishing jewels and gold. Somebody's got to do it...

About the only thing I know about jewels and gold, is that once they're made, they don't need polishing.

Someone's been passing you fakes.

[Seth]

There is no cats and dogs and no sex. I think they play bridge and maybe pool.

I think they spend a lot of time polishing jewels and gold. Somebody's got to do it...

About the only thing I know about jewels and gold, is that once they're made, they don't need polishing.

Someone's been passing you fakes.

Dude, everything gets dirty and greasy, even gold and jewels. Then there's polishing out all those scratches on the semi-precious foundation stones and dealing with the dulling of the pearl gates by rubbing naked bodies all over it to keep the luster up.

Besides, who want's to live in a 1400 mile on a side cube, no matter how nicely it's appointed. Where's the mountains?

[JimC]

There is gin in heaven, right?

[NineBerry]

and the Lamb is its lamp.

Best pun ever!

[Xamonas Chegwé]

Here's a far more accurate description...



...or at least one with a better tune.

[mistermack]

[Xamonas Chegwé]