Meanwhile, in Florida...

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pErvinalia
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Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by pErvinalia » Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:12 am

Can't believe there isn't a thread dedicated to Floridian antics.

This didn't happen in Florida, but it should have:

Man beaten to death and left in a pool of his own blood with a fruitcake placed on his head. Straya!
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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by laklak » Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:17 am

One spot for Vibrio awards. I approve.
Yeah well that's just, like, your opinion, man.

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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by pErvinalia » Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:20 am

Does the CDC keep an updated count of the zombie population in Florida? :ask:
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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by laklak » Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:22 am

They're from Atlanta and we hate everyone from Atlanta. They're stealing our water. So we don't tell them anything.
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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by pErvinalia » Thu Aug 16, 2018 9:58 am

I think there's been some sort of space-time disruption and Florida has turned up in Australia. Not content with fruitcake man, today we had a guy on trial for killing a Korean exchange student because a devil horse told him to do it. And he decorated a tree with her hair like it was Christmas. And yesterday we had a murder in the middle of a street after a 23 year old fairly normal looking girl crash tackled a guy, and her boyfriend then killed him with a samurai sword.

C'mon Florda, lift your game!
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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by Hermit » Thu Aug 16, 2018 11:41 am

pErvinalia wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 9:58 am
And yesterday we had a murder in the middle of a street after a 23 year old fairly normal looking girl crash tackled a guy, and her boyfriend then killed him with a samurai sword.

C'mon Florda, lift your game!
Background to that story.

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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by laklak » Thu Aug 16, 2018 12:47 pm

We need to get busy here. Using a katana is an automatic 10 point bonus.
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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by Sean Hayden » Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:30 pm

Police: Woman killed visitor from England, claimed she needed to 'rid house of evil'
--in New York
shut up

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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by laklak » Thu Aug 16, 2018 4:14 pm

Yeeeesss, our plan is working, the virus is spreading. BwaaaaaHaHaHaHA!
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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by Sean Hayden » Thu Aug 16, 2018 4:34 pm

:lol: It's just a clog, when most of Florida is swept out to sea it'll clear up.
shut up

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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by Forty Two » Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:13 pm

Florida is one of the best American states.

The weather is fantastic. It can get a tad hot in the summer, but "a tad hot" is a lot better than what most other states get. Add to that the Atlantic and Gulf coasts allowing for more ocean than just about any other state.

It should be noted that Florida is the occupying power over one of the greatest occupied lands in the world, the Conch Republic (a/k/a Key West). The history of Key West and its attempts to secede from the union ought to be enough to put Florida (of which Key West is a part) over the top in terms of awesomeness.

The Conch Republic (the official name of Key West) has been fighting for independence for decades. The Conch Republic last tried to break away and secede from the union back in 1982, when it launched its war of independence from Florida and the rest of the United States. The mayor of Key West tried to get an injunction against the United States for its illegal immigration roadblock near Skeeter's Last Chance Saloon. When the federal judge denied the injunction, a revolution was a fait accomplis. The mayor officially announced the revolution, arguing that the roadblock operated to de facto cut Key West off from the United States, separating it by a new international border, and as such, the Conch Republic was a soveign nation. They appointed ministers and other government officials, and began self government and a public declaration was made that negotiations would only take place between the new leadership of Key West, and President Reagan directly. They lowered the Stars and Stripes from the flagpole in Clinton Square, and raised the blue and yellow flag of the new Conch Republic. The mayor read the “Conch Republic Proclamation of Secession.”

The Conch Republic's first act was to declare war on the United States, which it did so by the act of the mayor breaking a loaf of stale Cuban bread over the head of a man dressed in a US navy uniform. At that moment, Conch citizens began throwing pieces of bread at federal agents and coast guard personnel who were present to monitor the goings on.

A minute into the war, the mayor surrendered to a federal agent, and requested $1 billion in federal aid from the US as compensation for the de facto seige by the federal government - cutting off Key West with the international checkpoint over by Skeeter's Saloon. The secretary general of the Conch Republic began issuing Key West Passports. The secretary general of Key West, Peter Anderson, died just a few years ago, and he served in that position until he died. He claimed to have traveled to 30 countries on his Conch Republic passport, and he claimed to have even been allowed to reenter the US with it at least 5 times.

Since the revolution, the US and the Conch Republic have had peaceful relations, but with only a few diplomatic skirmishes here and there.

Under the despotism of President William J.B. Clinton, on Sept. 21,1995 the Conch Republic Navy — a modest fleet of fireboats and private vessels — attacked United States Navy and Coast Guard ships in Key West Harbor with water hoses, water balloons and volleys of stale Cuban bread and conch fritters. The attack was a defensive move, as the United States had announced mock military drills to occur on Key West without asking for Conch Republic permissing.

When military personnel also tried to cross the bridge by road onto Key West, the military were blocked by the Conch Republic militia who refused to allow the military to pass unless and until formal permission was requested. The United States Army ultimately sent a letter to the Conch Republic stating that the military exercises “in no way meant to challenge or impugn the sovereignty of the Conch Republic.”

Later, in 1995 or 1996, diplomatic tensions ran hot when the federal parks on Key West were shut down due to a budget fight. The leaders of the Conch Republic learned that it cost only a small amount to run the park, so they raised the money and offered to pay for it to open them. But, they couldn't find anyone in the Florida or US governments who knew how to accomplish that. So an elite Conch air force unit landed at Fort Jefferson to “declare the fort open in the name of the Conch Republic.” They found the park rangers and offered them a check to reopen the fort. The rangers refused, issued the Conchs a citation for trespassing on federal property and told them to leave. The islanders retreated to Key West, and the US government later dropped the charges.

I think the last flair up was in 2006, when the US government declared that an old bridge - called "7 mile bridge" was not actually part of the United States. The US did this when some Cubans landed there, and were caught, and since the bridge was not part of US soil, they could not take advantage of the law where Cubans automatically get to say if they set foot on dry US soil. So, the secretary general Anderson led a landing party of Conchs who staked miniature flags along the bridge. Since the federal government decided that the old Seven Mile Bridge is not territor, the Conch Republic would annex it. The federal government “chose not to defend” the bridge from the Conch invasion.

Also, any State with a pub like Captain Tony's Saloon is, at a minimum, better than most.

So, all you Florida detractors, stuff it! I hurl water balloons and stale cuban bread at you!

Now, that's awesome.
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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by laklak » Thu Aug 16, 2018 7:58 pm

In 2008 Key Largo and several other northern keys seceded from the Conch Republic, and declared themselves The Independent Northernmost Territories of the Conch Republic. Nobody gave a shit because Key Largo is basically a bunch of expat Miamians, and everybody except Miamians fucking hate Miami and can't wait for it to sink into the ocean. Bunch of hardbody beach posers who still listen to disco. Fuck them. The only thing decent about the place is Little Havana, and we already got plenty of Cubans in Ybor City.

Here's the flag:
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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by Forty Two » Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:16 pm

"We seceded where others failed."

Miami is what happens when you try to move the the New York metro area to the south. Too expensive. Too much traffic. And, too many cars with black lights shining underneath.
“When I was in college, I took a terrorism class. ... The thing that was interesting in the class was every time the professor said ‘Al Qaeda’ his shoulders went up, But you know, it is that you don’t say ‘America’ with an intensity, you don’t say ‘England’ with the intensity. You don’t say ‘the army’ with the intensity,” she continued. “... But you say these names [Al Qaeda] because you want that word to carry weight. You want it to be something.” - Ilhan Omar

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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by Forty Two » Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:19 pm

A good Florida-based show on Netflix is Bloodline. Set on Islamorada (which I like to pronounce Islam - o - radda).
“When I was in college, I took a terrorism class. ... The thing that was interesting in the class was every time the professor said ‘Al Qaeda’ his shoulders went up, But you know, it is that you don’t say ‘America’ with an intensity, you don’t say ‘England’ with the intensity. You don’t say ‘the army’ with the intensity,” she continued. “... But you say these names [Al Qaeda] because you want that word to carry weight. You want it to be something.” - Ilhan Omar

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Re: Meanwhile, in Florida...

Post by Forty Two » Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:21 pm

Image

My favorite bar/pub in the world. No better place to spend a Saturday afternoon.
“When I was in college, I took a terrorism class. ... The thing that was interesting in the class was every time the professor said ‘Al Qaeda’ his shoulders went up, But you know, it is that you don’t say ‘America’ with an intensity, you don’t say ‘England’ with the intensity. You don’t say ‘the army’ with the intensity,” she continued. “... But you say these names [Al Qaeda] because you want that word to carry weight. You want it to be something.” - Ilhan Omar

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